r/polyamory

[mario if smoke weed]

Polyamory is not for anyone.

I'd agree with that but there's billions of people on this planet, therefore I feel like there's at least a FEW people it'd work with. But that's less than 1% of people. Humanity does far better with monogamy; juggling one ball is so easy, even a caveman could do it.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

I'm fairly certain that she isn't bi, just boring old straight. Only thing unusual about her is that she is so scared of men that a romantic relationships are off the table but sex is still a ok. Most women that are terrified of men tend to be also turned off by their fear because sex is so emotionally intimate and potentially dangerous situation. She only wants women when she doesn't want sex and when she wants sex only guys will do points towards her seeing women as safe alternative to the thing she really wants. Her logic most likely being that great relationships are built on friendship and I make friends with women way more easily so... Yeah my bet is on a straight woman with issues around men that can be cured by finding a good man.

Sounds like one of them “political lesbians.”

 

[Viv221]

You've got to do a lot of balancing acts to make sure the relationship is healthy and mutually beneficial or the whole thing goes sour, people get hurt, and it devolves into a circus.

How about the greatest "balancing act" of all: not cheating on your partner? Forming a genuine human connection with the love of your life instead of spreading yourself thin between two people? I swear, poly sympathizers act like monogamous relationships are so easy, but poly is for a special kind of people who can "handle it".

All relationships are hard, take work, and require compromise. The only benefit of a poly relationship is you get to sleep around, act on completely animal instincts, and gloat that you're somehow enlightened or better than anyone else. That's it. Nothing I've seen here has convinced me otherwise.

But sure, I guess some masochistic fucks love to be in denial of their ever-present jealousy and creeping sense of self loathing all the time, and decide they want to cuck themselves for the good of their manipulative slimy partner. At least they get to feel sexually liberated! How progressive.

Polyamory is always toxic, a result of immense self loathing and severe delusion about what a relationship is supposed to be. End of story.

 

[Pointless Pedant]

Polygamy works if you're the king of Eswatini, but if you're a pansy redditor it usually doesn't.

 

[KifflomKween]

I straight up don't get this madona/whore complex. Why wouldn't you want to get freaky with the person you are sharing your life with but instead only show your freaky side to other random people?

Because the types of guys who give then the tingles aren't the reliable, faithful type. But then, neither are these women. I blame the guys who try to make hoes into housewives.

 

[Viv221]

juggling one ball is so easy, even a caveman could do it.

Do you hear yourself? You genuinely sound like the people on r/polyamory and other sites. "Monogamy is soooo easy guys... Only a few special epic individuals could ever hope to achieve the perfect open relationship polycule." Any functioning adult knows that relationships take work. To have a happy marriage takes work, and it's highly rewarding to the 99 percent of the population that understands what committed relationships are, vs sleeping around.

It takes work to understand one another, to compromise, to find out what works and what doesn't. That's why normal, healthy people break up with their partners if things aren't working, instead of collecting more and more people to fulfill different parts of themselves. It's incredibly selfish to use multiple people to fulfill you because one person doesn't do it. It is objectifying and reducing people to what they can do for YOU rather than what you can do for eachother. That's why there's always so much jealousy in these relationships, because there's the looming threat of being eventually obsolete to your wife and her boyfriend, especially if Brad learns to cook or get a decent job.

Polyamory dehumanizes people into traits and characteristics that are unhealthy narrow. If poly people decided to see a person as a truly complex and rounded human with limitless potential rather than a sex object, money object, "nesting partner" or whatever, then maybe they could see themselves committing to a person, not multiple parts of different people.

 

[mario if smoke weed]

Do you hear yourself? You genuinely sound like the people on r/polyamory and other sites. "Monogamy is soooo easy guys... Only a few special epic individuals could ever hope to achieve the perfect open relationship polycule." Any functioning adult knows that relationships take work. To have a happy marriage takes work, and it's highly rewarding to the 99 percent of the population that understands what committed relationships are, vs sleeping around.

It takes work to understand one another, to compromise, to find out what works and what doesn't. That's why normal, healthy people break up with their partners if things aren't working, instead of collecting more and more people to fulfill different parts of themselves. It's incredibly selfish to use multiple people to fulfill you because one person doesn't do it. It is objectifying and reducing people to what they can do for YOU rather than what you can do for eachother. That's why there's always so much jealousy in these relationships, because there's the looming threat of being eventually obsolete to your wife and her boyfriend, especially if Brad learns to cook or get a decent job.

Polyamory dehumanizes people into traits and characteristics that are unhealthy narrow. If poly people decided to see a person as a truly complex and rounded human with limitless potential rather than a sex object, money object, "nesting partner" or whatever, then maybe they could see themselves committing to a person, not multiple parts of different people.

I admit that statement was pretty dumb and I apologize for that. I never really stopped to think about how harmful polygamy can be; I used to hang out with some far-lefters online (biggest mistake of my life) who had more PC concepts of shit like relationships and still need to unlearn some of those ideas. You made some really good points, especially with how you explained the self-loathing and fake sense of enlightenment that comes with polyamory. Thanks for knocking some sense into me.

 

[Rorschach Test]

That's why there's always so much jealousy in these relationships, because there's the looming threat of being eventually obsolete to your wife and her boyfriend, especially if Brad learns to cook or get a decent job

In fairness, this isn’t exclusive to poly relationships. You see it in the occasional weirdness of proudly “trad” monogamous people who say that their spouses shouldn’t have friends of the opposite sex. I would guess that most people who leave their partners for another person aren’t doing it with someone who they met in their polycule, but because it’s his secretary, her personal trainer, etc. It all suggests a deep, longstanding issue. And you’ll hear the cheating spouse claim they were pushed into the arms of the other person. And you have spouses who stick together despite both having affairs at the same time. It’s messy because humans are involved.

And I think it’s fair to say that monogamy works for many people, but it also doesn’t work for many. Cheating, which will never be eliminated, seems proof of this. A lot of the older generation who we mythologize as having these stable, happy 50-year relationships, are either not all that happy or were not staying monogamous their whole lives. Flings, affairs, one-offs were all very common, and they always will be. The Total Monogamy culture (before ‘free love’ and all that) was one of silence, discretion bordering on (or being) deception, and the assumption that “everyone is doing it.” To the extent that the “poly people” want to replace that silence and assumption with open and honest communication, it would be a welcome change. But as I said earlier in the thread, the men holding themselves out as “poly” usually do not have very noble intentions. They’re usually exceptionally poorly equipped to actually care for and nurture their partners.

That’s all. This thread still does an important service of shitting on the redditors who make sex uncool.

 

[AnOminous]

This is an old one from r/relationships that I didn't see posted yet. The OP says "open relationship" instead of "polyamory," but the results are essentially the same.

Serves her right for trying to cuck her boyfriend. Nobody worth keeping would agree to that.

 

[Banquo]

In fairness, this isn’t exclusive to poly relationships. You see it in the occasional weirdness of proudly “trad” monogamous people who say that their spouses shouldn’t have friends of the opposite sex

Occasional, sure. But polyamory has this as a built in feature. This sick thing is, no one is supposed to feel threatened in any way, even though under the circumstances, it's entirely reasonable. They just have to put on a brave face and act like being relegated to a glorified housekeeper while the spouse having a second helping of adolescent skankhood is something to be like, totally cool with.

 

[Viv221]

To the extent that the “poly people” want to replace that silence and assumption with open and honest communication, it would be a welcome change.

"I openly honestly need to cheat on you in order for this relationship to continue" is not the same as communication to make a relationship work. People who cheat are going to cheat, and people who genuinely care about making a relationship work through positive growth are going to do that. The boomer trad definition of marriage is stifling and outdated, but not because of the monogamy, because of the lack of communication and emotional vulnerability expected from both parties. If actually talking to, being understanding and compromising to eachothers needs was the philosophy of "free love", then hell yeah I would be on board. But no, you don't get into polyamory for the "open and honest communication" . It's cuckoldry, goodwifing and emotional manipulation under a much gentler name.

Most people like to sleep around and date rapidly in their teens and twenties to learn what they want from a relationship, and then settle down later with someone who can grow with them and provide stability. People mature at different ages and cheaters are the emotionally stunted ones who never learned to control their selfish needs. The difference between poly people and cheaters is that we collectively treat cheaters like the immature scumbags they are, and allow poly people to "live their truth". Poly people are effectively trying to have their cake and eat it too, sleeping around like a teen while still relying on a longtime partner not to leave them. Hence why we're laughing at them.

Anyways here is so more silly ridiculousness from r/poly. Just so this thread doesn't get locked.

 

[TitanWest]

In fairness, this isn’t exclusive to poly relationships. You see it in the occasional weirdness of proudly “trad” monogamous people who say that their spouses shouldn’t have friends of the opposite sex. I would guess that most people who leave their partners for another person aren’t doing it with someone who they met in their polycule, but because it’s his secretary, her personal trainer, etc. It all suggests a deep, longstanding issue. And you’ll hear the cheating spouse claim they were pushed into the arms of the other person. And you have spouses who stick together despite both having affairs at the same time. It’s messy because humans are involved.

And I think it’s fair to say that monogamy works for many people, but it also doesn’t work for many. Cheating, which will never be eliminated, seems proof of this. A lot of the older generation who we mythologize as having these stable, happy 50-year relationships, are either not all that happy or were not staying monogamous their whole lives. Flings, affairs, one-offs were all very common, and they always will be. The Total Monogamy culture (before ‘free love’ and all that) was one of silence, discretion bordering on (or being) deception, and the assumption that “everyone is doing it.” To the extent that the “poly people” want to replace that silence and assumption with open and honest communication, it would be a welcome change. But as I said earlier in the thread, the men holding themselves out as “poly” usually do not have very noble intentions. They’re usually exceptionally poorly equipped to actually care for and nurture their partners.

That’s all. This thread still does an important service of shitting on the redditors who make sex uncool.

The mistake many people make today is assuming that people in the past were exactly like them. People cheated back then, but it wasn't as common as it is today:

Love, Sex and the Changing Landscape of Infidelity (Published 2008)

More people are cheating, new studies find, and younger women appear to be catching up with men.

www.nytimes.com

 

[Ctrl+Alt+Rt]

juggling one ball is so easy, even a caveman could do it.

I think you're doing sex wrong.

 

[Andy Bandy Man]

Just both have affiars, and don't broach the subject like normal people do.

 

[PuffyGroundCloud]

This is an old one from r/relationships that I didn't see posted yet. The OP says "open relationship" instead of "polyamory," but the results are essentially the same.

View attachment 1858036

A lot of the thread has been wiped out, but it was archived numerous times and most of the comments are still viewable on Removeddit. Since this isn't r/polyamory, the comments are overwhelmingly against her.

Removeddit

www.removeddit.com

https://archive.md/6IQ9N

All of the OP's replies also remain. They provide a pretty good idea of how the thread went for her.

Spoiler: A full page of regret

View attachment 1858070

Well play stupid game, win stupid prize
Good for the boyfriend to stand up for himself

 

[Andy Bandy Man]

I admit that statement was pretty dumb and I apologize for that. I never really stopped to think about how harmful polygamy can be; I used to hang out with some far-lefters online (biggest mistake of my life) who had more PC concepts of shit like relationships and still need to unlearn some of those ideas. You made some really good points, especially with how you explained the self-loathing and fake sense of enlightenment that comes with polyamory. Thanks for knocking some sense into me.

Get into the community, play some sexy shoots and ladders, get the 3-way off your bucket list, and then get out.

 

[JoseRaulChupacabra]

Get into the community, play some sexy shoots and ladders, get the 3-way off your bucket list, and then get out.

What are the odds that poly folks go on about it to inflate their sex lives? The people I know that have fucked half the town rarely ever talk about all the sex they're having unless it comes up as a topic. Their facebook walls look normal while poly folks is pretty much all links to sex articles about the benefits of having a dozen boyfriends.

This is an old one from r/relationships that I didn't see posted yet. The OP says "open relationship" instead of "polyamory," but the results are essentially the same.

View attachment 1858036

A lot of the thread has been wiped out, but it was archived numerous times and most of the comments are still viewable on Removeddit. Since this isn't r/polyamory, the comments are overwhelmingly against her.

Removeddit

www.removeddit.com

https://archive.md/6IQ9N

All of the OP's replies also remain. They provide a pretty good idea of how the thread went for her.

Spoiler: A full page of regret

View attachment 1858070

One of the saddest and most pathetic articles I've ever read. Bisexual chick coaxes her uncomfortable boyfriend into polyamory, and he leaves original gf for the new one during pandemic, and the original bi poly chick loses all of her other partners.

But tell me again how monogamy is unnatural. This really is just cucking with extra steps.

I Lost Both My Polyamorous Relationships To Other People During The Pandemic

"Despite the jealousy, difficulties and triggers, I whole-heartedly welcomed my primary’s new girlfriend into my life."

www.huffpost.com

These two are basically the woman in this video:

 

[Overly Serious]

Polyamory is definitely not for the faint of mind. You've got to do a lot of balancing acts to make sure the relationship is healthy and mutually beneficial or the whole thing goes sour, people get hurt, and it devolves into a circus. Needless to say, at least 90% of the people on Reddit aren't emotionally or mentally prepared for such a commitment and should stick to monogamy, or friends with benefits or anything else.

I'd say polyamory is for people who don't regard sex as special. Clearly this guy did and she demonstrated to him without question that she did not. I can find it in my heart to feel sorry for her. But I'd have done the same as him. I can't pretend I haven't had casual sex (including three way) but I can say that honestly nothing has compared to making love to someone you truly care about and know cares about you. Soppy but true.

Someone in the reddit thread observed that every single post by her was along the lines of her feelings and how unfair it was on her and not one post was about how absolutely crap he must feel.

Serves her right for trying to cuck her boyfriend. Nobody worth keeping would agree to that.

+1

But what I'd really like to know is what she told her family. "Me and X broke up." "Oh no! Why?" "Um..."

Or would she actually tell her family why he left her? I'd love to have been there for that!

 

[latter day taint]

I think "closed system" polyamory has worked in some cultures, and by this I mean polygamy and polyandry. The difference being commitment.

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

What are the odds that poly folks go on about it to inflate their sex lives? The people I know that have fucked half the town rarely ever talk about all the sex they're having unless it comes up as a topic. Their facebook walls look normal while poly folks is pretty much all links to sex articles about the benefits of having a dozen boyfriends.



These two are basically the woman in this video:

Why are all these people white? In all the polycule photos I find they're all caucasian, is there a reason for this? Imagine going on 3 dates with someone and then finding out it they weren't really interested in you, they were just doing it for a buzzfeed video. Also, that woman should try a diet, not polyamory.