r/polyamory

Better Late than Never: Poly V'Day Dinner with me (pink mohawk), my boyfriend (across from me), his 2 husbands, and their 2 boyfriends! (archive)

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that photo alone is enough to make men grow tits

Also, I'm not as anti-poly as some in this thread, but if your primary partner has quit sleeping with you and is sleeping with other people, that seems to me like the relationship has a serious problem that should be addressed.

I mean, it's one thing for someone to have a variable sex drive due to the usual reasons (trauma/medication/menopause/illness/etc), and that's a real challenge many couples wrestle with, but if the person you're dating isn't interested in sex with you BUT is still having sex with others, y'all need to sort some shit out.
 
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Hollywood Hulk Hogan said:
How does he have two husbands? That's not legally recognized in pretty much any country
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poly people often refer to people to whom they are not legally married as their spouse, or to people as their fiance/e despite having a legally recognized spouse. similar to how gay people would talk about their husband or wife before gay marriage was legalized. there's often commitment ceremonies.

I suspect the two older guys are legally married to each other.

edit: I looked through pink mohawk guy's reddit and there is a man he refers to as his husband, who is not in the above photograph. they had a handfasting, which is some kinda weird pagan wedding thing which may or may not involve getting legally married.

edit again: gay marriage wasn't legal in his state when they had a handfasting, although civil unions were. in any case they live together and changed their surnames to be the same which implies commitment to me, legal or not
 
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Crunchy Leaf said:
poly people often refer to people to whom they are not legally married as their spouse, or to people as their fiance/e despite having a legally recognized spouse. similar to how gay people would talk about their husband or wife before gay marriage was legalized. there's often commitment ceremonies.
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Isn't that just a giant red-flag that it's about a certain label more so than having several partners? As if breaking the 'marriage norm' gets their rocks off?
 
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I got invited to a commitment ceremony without knowing it was some weird polyamorous "queer" thing, had to see the troon groom making out with a non wife at the makeshift alter during the ceremony, everyone was uncomfortable, these people are a fucking plague
 
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sperginity said:
I got invited to a commitment ceremony without knowing it was some weird polyamorous "queer" thing, had to see the troon groom making out with a non wife at the makeshift alter during the ceremony, everyone was uncomfortable, these people are a fucking plague
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which person invited you?

also, I get why gay people would have a commitment ceremony in countries where gay marriage isn't legal, but in most of the western world that's no longer an issue. 'commitment ceremony' now makes me assume that something's not quite right with the participants.

my friend told me he got invited to a party and he didn't know the hosts were poly so it was 23 year old awkward guy who just got his first girlfriend, 23 year old girlfriend, and some 40 something dude that the girl started making out with. apparently it was awful.
 
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Crunchy Leaf said:
did you have any inclination that she was weird?
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Yes, an autist in severe denial about it. Undercut hair dye septum piercing type. She doesn't even detect awkwardness or embarrassment so that is how she has stayed in the poly community so long imo. I never though she would be cool with her "wife" making out with some other chick at her wedding in front of everyone though. A ton of people showed up, no family obviously, it was a pretty good party after having to suffer through the vows.
 
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Crunchy Leaf said:
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these people sound like serial killers
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Who the fuck has groceries delivered to them?

I honestly think that the cure for degenerate shit like this is just having something productive to do with your time/life. When you get to be so rich that you have people do your menial tasks and everyday chores for you (like going to the goddamn store for you), your brain starts fucking crawling into it's own asshole trying to think of something interesting to do, and that's when you start turning into the Marquis De Sade, or someone similarly degenerate.

Look at it - any time a culture or society has gotten too rich, it's gotten decadent and turned into shit and collapsed in on itself.
 
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OP of this thread is married with children and also seeing a man. She asks how people divide their time. Someone responds:
I handle it by NOT dividing my time into two/three/etc. My time is my own; as is theirs. We all operate, individually, in the center of our own worlds, connected in different ways to each other (and to other people we aren't dating).

If anyone involved has children, everyone expects that the parents/caregivers of the children prioritize them first; and make time for others within their "me" time. Meaning, whatever time is separate from family time gets divided up among the person's friends/family/hobbies/job.

If someone is more involved, they might share in each other's family time.
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Somehow this sounds awfully lonely to me.

A consistent theme of polyamory is that you don't need to care about other people and that you shouldn't allow your feelings to be hurt by other people's actions.

Poly drama has resulted in this woman having to move multiple times:
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