r/polyamory

[hash-slinging slasher]

I've somehow got one poly story as someone who neither lives in NYC or Portland. Years ago, my friends were very worried for this girl. I didn't know her that well but apparently she used to play dnd with my friends. She has basically joined this weird gay "feminist" group that worshipped everything counter-culture as breaking down the blah blah heteropatriarchy blah blah. It was the same online cult lolcow Thomas Hinyard (https://kiwifarms.net/threads/venus-dikhadijah-selenite-thomas-lee-hinyard.42760/) ran in for a short time to give you a picture of the level of crazy I'm talking about.

Through this weird group, she started dating a fellow butch lesbo who was smarter and only used the cult for attention and access to stupid women. The butch lesbo would brag about being in a polyamorous relationship while her new dumbass egirlfriend had 0 idea. Any friend who warned Dumbass got screeched at and blocked for being tooooxiiiic or butchxbutchphobic or whatever. She REFUSED to believe anything that wasn't "your weird butch on butch relationship is amazing!"

It was so insane. It seemed like some weird parody. Against all advice, she moved from the Midwest to NYC to be with her butch queenking. The relationship immediately became emotionally abusive, the "poly" butch was caught cheating but accused Dumbass of being bigoted for caring, and then Dumbass became temporarily homeless in NYC while her ex slandered her online as a bigot. The end. Dumbass learned nothing from this and still blocks anyone who tries to help her. But now she's a detransitioner who somehow twisted being a detransitioner in a poetic enough way to stay in her cult and is dating another detransitioner.

 

[Niggs Monaghan]

Spoiler: my former best friend managed to cuck his wife with poly and turned into a giant piece of shit

I can say I have seen a lot of this shit close up with what used to be one of my closest friends and his then wife. For whatever reason they "opened" things up pretty early and got hooked up with a quite fine science chick in grad school. Fast forward about 3 years and this has devolved (evolved?) into my friend and new girl effectively just bullying his wife to the point where she didn't even want to live with him anymore but was still holding on hope to the relationship surviving. I saw this shit with my own eyes when I went over there to hang out. It was shocking to see at the time but now, not so much. He would do it on his own, for example when she hadn't bought weed and had it ready to go for him to smoke as soon as he opened the door coming home. Then when new girl was over, they'd roast his wife over the smallest shit - new girl would have her yapping little bitch dogs over and they'd be making noise. Wife would tell them to hush because the neighbors will get pissed - new girl gets mad at her because she never tells her cat to shutup.

The cat doesn't fucking make nearly enough noise to ever get the neighbors pissed and everyone knew it, but hubando and new girl just roasted her anyway. Former friend is a big nerd, and new girl is a postgrad too in a bio field, whereas wife scraped by with a psych degree from the local commuter school, so her intelligence and accomplishments were being constantly belittled too.

The whole thing was fairly horrifying and made me sick. I was never a huge fan of his wife, she was a huge pothead, kind of a spaz and can be annoying. But not malicious in any way. Eventually she caught covid, and being the bugman that he is, he left the apartment to live with new girl. Weeks pass, he announces finally that they were through, but she could stay at the apartment since he knew she lost her job and had nowhere else to go except her parents.

Spoiler: shocker

Couple weeks later he changes his mind and kicks her out so him and new girl can move in. The was truly the final straw for me having anything to do with him.

Couple things to take away from this shitshow if you bothered to read it all:

Poly never works, no matter how many excuses and coping you make. It itself is a huge cope for you being too much of a pussy to either work on your own sex life/intrapersonal relationship skills, or for you being too much of a pussy to end things if they truly are irreconcilable.

Dudes in poly are disgusting. Truly revolting human beings with hardly a shred of masculinity in them. IRL is different from what is depicted in media.

I have typically been pretty distrustful of women, but I was surprised massively at how hard this dudes wife fought to try to hold on and keep her marriage going, even though he was the one who pressured her into poly in the first place, and had devolved over the years into ever more of a disgusting, bitchy, pot addict slob. This chick put on 30-40 lbs purely from the shots shed drink just so she could be blasted when new girl was around and the humiliation wouldn't get to her so much - just so she could be around her man. Just as shocking as how he acted, I was equally shocked at how devoted she was to him despite him being a total fucking loser at that point.

She's found a new guy, thankfully, and he seems like an absolutely massive improvement despite being a literal weeb that asks me to torrent the complete Initial D. He at least likes working on cars, goes skydiving with her, takes her places and tries to convince her to drop her horseshit job because he can pay the bills by himself.

I completely believe the above poster about the "gold digger". She may just be enraged and hurt and going for laying the pain on this dude. I've seen it happen myself and lot of times the dudes deserve it.

I'm glad she found a better man. No one deserves that kind of treatment. I just hope she didn't process the abuse too much and now considers that kind of behavior to be acceptable or a proper showing of love.

 

[PrincessHomura]

I wonder if these people turn into giant pieces of shit. Or they were always that way, and poly gave them the social excuse to be the asshole they always were inside. Like that time I was watching Dawkins was talking to that religious guy and he said "If you didn't follow religion you'd just rape and kill people you didn't like" and I was like "okay psycho..."

Maybe theres more sociopaths in the world than we think.

I think all of us have some level of darkness inside of us, but we're kept in check by either societal rules or personal moral rules. Polyamory and related concepts are basically built around breaking down all of this and putting yourself in the center no matter what, to an absolutely destructive degree. Basically making you into your absolute worst version of yourself, while being convinced that you're in the right for doing it.

Basically, it's a bit of both. The potential to be a terrible person varies between people (but everyone has it to some degree) and this type of cult goes out of its way to unlock that potential to its fullest.

 

[DumbDude42]

I think all of us have some level of darkness inside of us, but we're kept in check by either societal rules or personal moral rules. Polyamory and related concepts are basically built around breaking down all of this and putting yourself in the center no matter what, to an absolutely destructive degree. Basically making you into your absolute worst version of yourself, while being convinced that you're in the right for doing it.

i think this is the result of the overly naive and optimistic worldview that some people have these days.
like, if you genuinely view people as inherently good and moral, then rules and constraints seem pointless to you, and removing them all means liberating the goodness inside every person.
but in reality people generally aren't inherently virtuous angels, many are morally ambiguous opportunists, so when you throw these people in a situation where all rules and constraints are removed, they will do what opportunists naturally do: take advantage of others. and in the context of romance and intimacy, people taking advantage of each other means people end up getting abused, cucked, humiliated, heartbroken.

 

[Brain Problems]

Ignoring deep-dives into good and evil, I think it isn't complicated. Most poly types are simply lazy, emotionally immature hedonists that either didn't get laid until too late in their adult lives and are now chasing the fantasy of "what if?" and/or never stopped to consider that feeling good all the time maybe isn't the main goal in life.

There is a strong element of politics to the entire thing too though. Of all the people doing this shit there isn't anyone close to conservative or libertarian, it's left/far-left all the way down. I also don't think it's a coincidence that it's the former group also have their shit together with families, cars, property, savings... while the latter will be undoubtedly be renting and fucking strangers until conscripted to fight the Chinese.

 

[Alcoholism]

Libertarian's don't need to put special twee labels on it. They just fuck around and think of it as such.

 

[b0x]

but in reality people generally aren't inherently virtuous angels, many are morally ambiguous opportunists, so when you throw these people in a situation where all rules and constraints are removed, they will do what opportunists naturally do: take advantage of others.

And thats why I'm a hermit.

 

[Schatzi Katze]

Libertarian's don't need to put special twee labels on it. They just fuck around and think of it as such.

Somethin to be said for pragmatism. Like, swingers are weird but at least you know what you're in for. Poly is the veganism of the relationship world - performative, self absorbed, and ultimately unhealthy.

 

[Alcoholism]

Somethin to be said for pragmatism. Like, swingers are weird but at least you know what you're in for. Poly is the veganism of the relationship world - performative, self absorbed, and ultimately unhealthy.

My best friend is a swinger. Totally into the life style. And completely uncreepy about it, unlike the lefttoids I know who somehow manage to give off major porno creep vibes.

My buddy every other year or so will simply, "Hey, just curious if you and the wife ever changed your mind about, you know, maybe going to Italy or something and fuckin? No? Okay, cool, I respect that."

I asked him once why he never invited just me to come over and dick down his wife.

"That'd be weird man, we know you and know you'd be going behind your wife's back to do that and that's just not right."

 

[Jazz Yahoo]

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

They look like siblings

 

[Never Scored]

My best friend is a swinger. Totally into the life style. And completely uncreepy about it, unlike the lefttoids I know who somehow manage to give off major porno creep vibes.

My buddy every other year or so will simply, "Hey, just curious if you and the wife ever changed your mind about, you know, maybe going to Italy or something and fuckin? No? Okay, cool, I respect that."

I asked him once why he never invited just me to come over and dick down his wife.

"That'd be weird man, we know you and know you'd be going behind your wife's back to do that and that's just not right."

I don't know anything about your friend and I'm not into swinging, but would hope most would agree there's a difference between a bunch of 40-year-olds who have been married for over a decade in the suburbs getting drunk and switching partners for a night to spice things up and people who literally think your can have separate but equal spouses.

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

Swinging isn't my thing but the swingers I've met have generally been a lot smarter and more discreet about their bullshit than the poly people. Swingers don't involve their damn children in their lifestyle choices, unlike every poly person I've ever known with kids. There are boundaries around their practices. They go to some island in the Caribbean, fuck a few other bored spouses at a clothing optional adults-only resort, and come back and are upstanding citizens. Nothing especially wrong with that as long as everyone stays clean.

 

[EnemyStand]

My best friend is a swinger. Totally into the life style. And completely uncreepy about it, unlike the lefttoids I know who somehow manage to give off major porno creep vibes.

My buddy every other year or so will simply, "Hey, just curious if you and the wife ever changed your mind about, you know, maybe going to Italy or something and fuckin? No? Okay, cool, I respect that."

I asked him once why he never invited just me to come over and dick down his wife.

"That'd be weird man, we know you and know you'd be going behind your wife's back to do that and that's just not right."

So virgin poly vs. chad swinger? Not that I approve of either lifestyle, but what are we going to do? Reinstate the Knights Templar, set up a new Inquisition and deus vult everything into compliance? Man, that'd be crazy, wouldn't it? Ha ha ha...

 

[Fliddaroonie]

So virgin poly vs. chad swinger? Not that I approve of either lifestyle, but what are we going to do? Reinstate the Knights Templar, set up a new Inquisition and deus vult everything into compliance? Man, that'd be crazy, wouldn't it? Ha ha ha...

We can but dream, frendo.

In the absence of that, give me swingers over polytards any day of the week. As @Diana Moon Glampers says (and again, only anecdotally) swingers are usually professionals, older, bit kinky, but with enough to lose and a sense of shame.

Polytards are fucking shameless and messed up.

 

[BubbleButt]

They look like siblings

ARR ROOK SAME

 

[NoReturn]

Poly shit has appeared in a place I can't elaborate on without doxxing myself, but my big takeaway was that there seem to be way more "poly" women in a certain industry than I'd originally assumed, and what really got to me was how normalized it was to them. I'm just sitting there dumbfounded while they were talking about finding "ethical non-monogamous communities" and warning each other about how the rate of AIDS has gone up and about that new butt-bacteria out of Florida.
There goes even more of my faith in humanity.

 

[Fliddaroonie]

Poly shit has appeared in a place I can't elaborate on without doxxing myself, but my big takeaway was that there seem to be way more "poly" women in a certain industry than I'd originally assumed, and what really got to me was how normalized it was to them. I'm just sitting there dumbfounded while they were talking about finding "ethical non-monogamous communities" and warning each other about how the rate of AIDS has gone up and about that new butt-bacteria out of Florida.
There goes even more of my faith in humanity.
View attachment 3182368

Cute. But no. People are always gonna have degenerates among them, or be degenerates themselves. And because the internet exists these fucking perverts have a hugbox and a way to explore their depravity now.

Pandora's box is opened and all the terrors of Hell are unleashed upon the Earth. No way back from that.

 

[Loony]

Poly shit has appeared in a place I can't elaborate on without doxxing myself, but my big takeaway was that there seem to be way more "poly" women in a certain industry than I'd originally assumed, and what really got to me was how normalized it was to them. I'm just sitting there dumbfounded while they were talking about finding "ethical non-monogamous communities" and warning each other about how the rate of AIDS has gone up and about that new butt-bacteria out of Florida.
There goes even more of my faith in humanity.
View attachment 3182368

Come on, you have to tell us. Is it videogames industry? Nursing? Yoga instructors?

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

It's probably teaching. Teachers have become very interested in having weird sex shit in their lives that they can chat about with minors.