r/polyamory

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"...I was not their first female partner, but I just wonder if they were not that into women?"

Ding Ding Ding! You got it! Women who have nearly zero sexual interest in you when they are alone with you but suddenly become sexual when their boyfriends are present? Sounds like you're being used as a sexual prop in human form to spice up their sex life.

"But then why would they try to date women?"

Lol, maybe because their boyfriends are too busy fucking other women to give a damn about emotional intimacy with them. So, you get to be the emotional support teddy bear/emotional sponge that they may occasionally sleep with to keep you around. Seems like you're a good little teddy bear too! She said that you "gave her the cuddling and emotional intimacy that she didn't get" from her bf. So, good job on cleaning up her tears, you emotional sponge! 👍

Ah, the "joys" of polyamary! Partners too busy fucking other people to give a damn about your needs and you being used as a sexual object by other poly couples. All while you smile away the pain from these toxic arrangements and pretend that you are above negative emotions such as "jealousy", "anger", "despair", and "regret"! :story:
 
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NoReturn said:
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Love that this troon threw in a 'fuck terfs' for no discernible reason. The whole post is pretty incomprehensible, but I'm going to assume the gf is talking to a real woman and that's the cause of the meltdown, and, well, he's right: he can't compete.
Inebriated Racoon said:
"...I was not their first female partner, but I just wonder if they were not that into women?"

Ding Ding Ding! You got it! Women who have nearly zero sexual interest in you when they are alone with you but suddenly become sexual when their boyfriends are present? Sounds like you're being used as a sexual prop in human form to spice up their sex life.
you "gave her the cuddling and emotional intimacy that she didn't get" from her bf. So, good job on cleaning up her tears, you emotional sponge! 👍
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The way everyone in the comments is tripping over themselves to validate the fake bisexuals haha my sides hurt. It's all 'it's because of the gender binary!' 'Maybe she's a demiromantic/grey ace/whatever!'

No, these are the women who will make out with a girl at a party for male attention, but are not actually same-sex attracted. It is such a known cultural phenomenon, and no one is brave enough to point out the obvious (or maybe they're just downvoted to the bottom).

They can't acknowledge that a lot of poly scenarios are the product of one partner coercing the other into bringing in a third, because then they might have to confront that they themselves are either emotional abusers, or have deluded themselves into being okay being treated like crap.

These people are so broken, and I think this has become my favorite thread on the site.
 
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Just some more stuff:
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Owlflaps said:
It almost seems to be a stereotype that polyamory is for ugly, insecure white people.
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the mix is usually one patological manipulator with cluster b traits and then a few emotionally broken partners with self esteem in the negative digits who might only be seeing it as their only possible strategy to get a semblance of affection. And mountains and mountains of cope
 
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A Very Big Fish said:
Wouldn't it be quicker to just skip straight to the murder suicide instead of spending a few years building resentment while trying and failing to sleep around with other people?
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Funny you'd say that, I just saw this while looking for stories to post here (tldr man cheats on his wife with high school crush years after wife cheated on him with a no-go friend of his):

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Regarding children caught in the middle of their parent's debauchery and neglect polyamorous relationship, I often see people saying that the kids should be kept in the dark about it, or that they shouldn't know until they're older, because its better not to know. I think it is true that it's better not to have the side pieces cuddling on the couch while the kids are home, but even when they don't have a clue what's going on, it's still really awful for the kid. A polyamorous relationship, especially one that is being kept entirely seperate from the kid, is going to result in the parents being very, very absent.

You're a younger child, 4 or 5. You have a lot of sleepovers at your friends' or relatives' houses. You always get excited when your parents tell you that next week you're going to be spending the night somewhere else, and you don't understand why other kids feel homesick when they're away from their parents. You're always shuffled from one house to the next, and you handle it just fine, thanks! Occasionally your parents go on vacations and trips, but you don't get to go. That's fine, theyre going to do boring adult stuff anyway. Still, it would be nice if you could go with them sometime, but its just that you're too young now, you'll surely get to go when you're older.

Now you're an older child, 9-10. You're wondering why some family friends are no longer around, and why you haven't been invited back to some kids houses after you used to stay the night so much. Your last sleepover seemed rushed, your parents started getting ready to go out after you got home from school, and they called the parents of one of your friends to arrange for you to stay with them, even though it's a school night. That night, you overhear your friend's parents saying something about how ridiculous it is that they (your parents) keep doing this, why is this more important than watching their kid? You wonder what "this" is. You wonder why you never go out to do anything with your parents on the weekends. They're still taking trips without you, but now you see your friends at school coming home from family vacations, and you don't know why your parents are never able to make the time.

Your childhood is lonely. You have your friends, yes, but your parents are always in and out, because unbeknownst to you, you came second to them getting some strange. Their choices have caused you to lose friends because they caused you to wear out your welcome in other kids' houses, or because the other parents were disgusted by your parents' behavior. God forbid you ever find out about your parents' second lives in the future, because now every lonely moment, every weird comment from your childhood, every question you ever had about why your parents were not there is answered: they wanted to fuck more than they wanted to be around you. Everything is recontextualized, and even the good memories of spending time at friends houses and staying up til dawn are tinged with the realization that your parents only did that so you wouldn't get in the way of their sexual proclivities.

And this assumes that they were perfect at concealing their *ahem* lifestyle from you, that there was no additional kink shit around for you to stumble upon, that your friends/kids at school didn't know.

It makes me sick, because honestly? This is probably the best outcome for a kid whose parents are into this shit, and it still leaves a kid who feels lonely and unloved.
 
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Inebriated Racoon said:
Yikes!

Help, I feel my relationship is failing

View attachment 2542149

"She is poly but I am not."

Then, your relationship was already dead on arrival.
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Agreed. Reminds me of the relationship some of my acquaintances are in. Girl and her boyfriend are in exclusive relationship. Girl was seeing a couple guys before they met but made a big deal about only dating current boyfriend. Cut to 3 years later and she just can't help herself and dates another friend behind bf's back. When BF finds out she essentially goes "well I never said I was in an exclusive relationship with you. You should have known this could happen. Deal with it or break up with me." They're still together but it ruffles my feathers every time I see the girl with her "second boyfriend."
 
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Nazz said:
Regarding children caught in the middle of their parent's debauchery and neglect polyamorous relationship, I often see people saying that the kids should be kept in the dark about it, or that they shouldn't know until they're older, because its better not to know. I think it is true that it's better not to have the side pieces cuddling on the couch while the kids are home, but even when they don't have a clue what's going on, it's still really awful for the kid. A polyamorous relationship, especially one that is being kept entirely seperate from the kid, is going to result in the parents being very, very absent.

You're a younger child, 4 or 5. You have a lot of sleepovers at your friends' or relatives' houses. You always get excited when your parents tell you that next week you're going to be spending the night somewhere else, and you don't understand why other kids feel homesick when they're away from their parents. You're always shuffled from one house to the next, and you handle it just fine, thanks! Occasionally your parents go on vacations and trips, but you don't get to go. That's fine, theyre going to do boring adult stuff anyway. Still, it would be nice if you could go with them sometime, but its just that you're too young now, you'll surely get to go when you're older.

Now you're an older child, 9-10. You're wondering why some family friends are no longer around, and why you haven't been invited back to some kids houses after you used to stay the night so much. Your last sleepover seemed rushed, your parents started getting ready to go out after you got home from school, and they called the parents of one of your friends to arrange for you to stay with them, even though it's a school night. That night, you overhear your friend's parents saying something about how ridiculous it is that they (your parents) keep doing this, why is this more important than watching their kid? You wonder what "this" is. You wonder why you never go out to do anything with your parents on the weekends. They're still taking trips without you, but now you see your friends at school coming home from family vacations, and you don't know why your parents are never able to make the time.

Your childhood is lonely. You have your friends, yes, but your parents are always in and out, because unbeknownst to you, you came second to them getting some strange. Their choices have caused you to lose friends because they caused you to wear out your welcome in other kids' houses, or because the other parents were disgusted by your parents' behavior. God forbid you ever find out about your parents' second lives in the future, because now every lonely moment, every weird comment from your childhood, every question you ever had about why your parents were not there is answered: they wanted to fuck more than they wanted to be around you. Everything is recontextualized, and even the good memories of spending time at friends houses and staying up til dawn are tinged with the realization that your parents only did that so you wouldn't get in the way of their sexual proclivities.

And this assumes that they were perfect at concealing their *ahem* lifestyle from you, that there was no additional kink shit around for you to stumble upon, that your friends/kids at school didn't know.

It makes me sick, because honestly? This is probably the best outcome for a kid whose parents are into this shit, and it still leaves a kid who feels lonely and unloved.
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Even in general I feel like it's best to keep dates on the down low until you're sure you want that person in both you and your child's life. It's probably not the case with everyone, but I have a friend who's very uncomfortable with relationships that probably stems from her mother bringing home new guys frequently when she was a kid. AFAIK she never said anything about them harming her in any way, but it can subtly affect a person.

DumbDude42 said:
>They're still together
how can the guy stomach this without going insane from the constant pain and stress of the situation?!
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I don't know tbh. I was there the time he found out, and this super kind and non-aggressive guy went and punched his truck out of emotion. Maybe he's a bit of a doormat. She still says she loves him but I think she just wants to keep him around as a room mate (he helps pay rent) and to keep some semblance of normality. But I think it's just causing that relationship to slowly die in the worst way. When he doesn't want to hang out with her when the new boyfriend will be there, she acts like he's being unreasonable. I wonder why he would feel that way...? /sneed
 
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Coffee Druid said:
Even in general I feel like it's best to keep dates on the down low until you're sure you want that person in both you and your child's life. It's probably not the case with everyone, but I have a friend who's very uncomfortable with relationships that probably stems from her mother bringing home new guys frequently when she was a kid. AFAIK she never said anything about them harming her in any way, but it can subtly affect a person.
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When parents bring out dates even if they're not harmed; the kid still feels worried for their safety because their parent is bringing over a total stranger and the parent may be all over that stranger in front of said kid. It creates an uncomfortable confusion about their home, safety, and happiness.
 
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