Containment Random Chris Updates

[Naenia Ness]

We are back demanding birthday gifts. He very graciously offers cheap solutions if you're too poor
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(Source)

Spoiler: bargain suggestions

"Currently unavaiable". Great job, Chris.
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Some awful Jane Austen ripoff
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Getting into RWBY 10 years too late
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The turban is back
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Of course,the tranny socks. Not many stripes tho
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This thing must be customized with names and date, so it's very weenable
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Nothing is under $14, what a bargain

 

[A Grey Cat]

The sheer audacity of this fucker...it almost makes me wanna use instacart to send him jars of pickles to his po box for his birthday that's the least awful thing this mother fucker deserves. I'm honestly surprised Chris hasn't tweeted about people sending him underwear smeared with chocolate sauce or love dolls.

 

[BeatboxBill]

We are back demanding birthday gifts. He very graciously offers cheap solutions if you're too poor
View attachment 5733341
(Source)

Spoiler: bargain suggestions

"Currently unavaiable". Great job, Chris.
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Some awful Jane Austen ripoff
View attachment 5733345

Getting into RWBY 10 years too late
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View attachment 5733347

The turban is back
View attachment 5733348

Of course,the tranny socks. Not many stripes tho
View attachment 5733349

This thing must be customized with names and date, so it's very weenable
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I see he's back to e-begging once again.....

 

[King Kiwi]

We are back demanding birthday gifts. He very graciously offers cheap solutions if you're too poor
View attachment 5733341
(Source)

Spoiler: bargain suggestions

"Currently unavaiable". Great job, Chris.
View attachment 5733342

View attachment 5733343

Some awful Jane Austen ripoff
View attachment 5733345

Getting into RWBY 10 years too late
View attachment 5733346

View attachment 5733347

The turban is back
View attachment 5733348

Of course,the tranny socks. Not many stripes tho
View attachment 5733349

This thing must be customized with names and date, so it's very weenable
View attachment 5733350

Well I got a potato sitting here on the counter.

Just glue some googly eyes and some blue Easter basket tinsel on it and away it goes.

 

[BeatboxBill]

Well I got a potato sitting here on the counter.

Just glue some googly eyes and some blue Easter basket tinsel on it and away it goes.

In some cultures, traditionally, hand crafted gifts are supposed to have more sentimental value since they're "one of a kind", but obviously Chris being Chris, he is too selfish and egotistical to actually appreciate anything unless money has been spent.

 

[Tennis-Ball-Tony]

Well I got a potato sitting here on the counter.

Just glue some googly eyes and some blue Easter basket tinsel on it and away it goes.

Just stick some Barbie legs and arms onto it and put a gross fat head on top, with a little jean skirt and it will be an amazingly lifelike Chris doll.

 

[Phalanges Mycologist]

Looks like Caden is gaining some attention over on Reddit https://old.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/1atyzsr/stopping_caden/

 

[King Kiwi]

Just stick some Barbie legs and arms onto it and put a gross fat head on top, with a little jean skirt and it will be an amazingly lifelike Chris doll.

Here you are, darling.

 

[Hopkinsville Goblin]

Maybe he'll go into deeper debt to buy a bright blue wig and gold dentures. Then proclaim that he used his "holy powers" to make the dentures and wig grow in naturally, and then never pay off the debt he put on those items.

Chris could make his own dentures. They make kits where you use a thermal gum that can be softened and formed into the right shape using a mold. If the shape isn't quite right you can soften them up again and readjust them. He'd certainly be interested in customizing something like that.

If he signed a lease he has squatters rights, and others have written that Praetor might have technically accepted responsibility for a mentally disabled person, in which case, Chris is basically their adopted adult child and their legal responsibility to house and clothe and feed until he dies of old age

God I don't know why anyone would want to do that if they aren't making tons of money. I'd rather get a real job. I could grow mushrooms even.

Funny how Jesus never mentioned other gods or Goddesses other than God the Father in the Bible. No mention of Celestia either. Hmmm...

I think they're mentioned in the Old Testament. I think back then gods were often local. Like imagine if people in Virginia all worshipped Chris but West Virginia had its own autist to worship.

We are back demanding birthday gifts. He very graciously offers cheap solutions if you're too poor
View attachment 5733341
(Source)

Spoiler: bargain suggestions

"Currently unavaiable". Great job, Chris.
View attachment 5733342

View attachment 5733343

Some awful Jane Austen ripoff
View attachment 5733345

Getting into RWBY 10 years too late
View attachment 5733346

View attachment 5733347

The turban is back
View attachment 5733348

Of course,the tranny socks. Not many stripes tho
View attachment 5733349

This thing must be customized with names and date, so it's very weenable
View attachment 5733350

If you told me in middle school that your dad works at Wizards of the Coast and is making an Optimus Prime card, I'd call bullshit.

The rock isn't natural as advertised. Amethyst is a type of quartz but the angel aura thing is a manmade process. You can read about what Chris is probably going for here.

I think Chris was introduced to Jane Austen while in jail. He read some book that was contemporary retellings of Jane Austen classics. That letter was the one with the quote:

"Not to knock on Muslims, but the Qur'an is "Family Guy" and the Bible is "Simpsons".

The star map is kind of cool, I'd buy one maybe. I'd be more likely to just use an app though.

 

[Naenia Ness]

Only acceptable gift from his list would be a star map dedicated to Oedipus.

 

[Hopkinsville Goblin]

Only acceptable gift from his list would be a star map dedicated to Oedipus.

I don't think there is a constellation named for him. I also checked for asteroids but couldn't find one. Maybe no one wants to name the thing they discovered after a mother fucker. Maybe it's a banned name like Vulcan. (hypothetical planet closer to the sun than Mercury)

There is an Ophiuchus though. I like the idea of adding him to the Zodiac even though I think astrology is bullshit. Ophiuchus is a guy wrestling a snake. He has a somewhat dim constellation and he would take some days away from Sagittarius. I know Sagittarius is supposed to be an archer but his constellation looks like a teapot to me.

 

[Naenia Ness]

I don't think there is a constellation named for him. I also checked for asteroids but couldn't find one. Maybe no one wants to name the thing they discovered after a mother fucker. Maybe it's a banned name like Vulcan. (hypothetical planet closer to the sun than Mercury)

There is an Ophiuchus though. I like the idea of adding him to the Zodiac even though I think astrology is bullshit. Ophiuchus is a guy wrestling a snake. He has a somewhat dim constellation and he would take some days away from Sagittarius. I know Sagittarius is supposed to be an archer but his constellation looks like a teapot to me.

I thought the constellation thing was more of a choose some stars in the sky and put a name under it thing, but I could be wrong.

Interesting that there's not even an asteroid named Oedipus, would not be surprised if it was a banned name... Odd that there's a moon named after his mother though.

 

[Hopkinsville Goblin]

I thought the constellation thing was more of a choose some stars in the sky and put a name under it thing, but I could be wrong.

Interesting that there's not even an asteroid named Oedipus, would not be surprised if it was a banned name... Odd that there's a moon named after his mother though.

Yes, that's generally how constellations got started. You make pictures in your mind to keep track of where things are in the sky and you can use them to navigate.

 

[Naenia Ness]

Yes, that's generally how constellations got started. You make pictures in your mind to keep track of where things are in the sky and you can use them to navigate.

EDIT: This is what I meaning, wasn't talking about general constellations lol

Just imagine, "Oedipus, 06-27-2021, [insert whatever sky coordinates you want here]"

What a hilarious waste of $19.99 that would be.

 

[Hopkinsville Goblin]

EDIT: This is what I meaning, wasn't talking about general constellations lol
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Just imagine, "Oedipus, 06-27-2021, [insert whatever sky coordinates you want here]"

What a hilarious waste of $19.99 that would be.

I'm sure it was customizable when you ordered one, surely they didn't dropship thousands of star charts made for Michelle & Aaron. It's a Lorem ipsum thing.

 

[Ammyterasu]

I don't think you can choose a specific costellation, you just give them the date and the location of a certain event and they print out a sky map with the stars' position at that time. Then they connect some of them to show all the traditional costellations.

 

[Naenia Ness]

I'm sure it was customizable when you ordered one, surely they didn't dropship thousands of star charts made for Michelle & Aaron. It's a Lorem ipsum thing.

I know. That was why I made the joke which is getting less and less funny the more we sperg about it.

I don't think you can choose a specific costellation, you just give them the date and the location of a certain event and they print out a sky map with the stars' position at that time. Then they connect some of them to show all the traditional costellations.

That makes way more sense than picking out a specific constellation.

 

[The Dude]

I had a mental image of Chris wearing those thigh-high stockings/socks and grossed myself out.

 

[A Grey Cat]

I don't think there is a constellation named for him. I also checked for asteroids but couldn't find one. Maybe no one wants to name the thing they discovered after a mother fucker. Maybe it's a banned name like Vulcan. (hypothetical planet closer to the sun than Mercury)

There is an Ophiuchus though. I like the idea of adding him to the Zodiac even though I think astrology is bullshit. Ophiuchus is a guy wrestling a snake. He has a somewhat dim constellation and he would take some days away from Sagittarius. I know Sagittarius is supposed to be an archer but his constellation looks like a teapot to me.

It makes sense astronomers would ban names like Vulcan and tatottine to discourage sci-fi spergs from mucking up real science (for now) remember how autism research suffered a hit to credibility after a genetic defect that was linked to autism was named after sonic? But is Chris's infamy that far reaching? To where even astronomers have blacklisted his name?

 

[Naenia Ness]

It makes sense astronomers would ban names like Vulcan and tatottine to discourage sci-fi spergs from mucking up real science (for now) remember how autism research suffered a hit to credibility after a genetic defect that was linked to autism was named after sonic? But is Chris's infamy that far reaching? To where even astronomers have blacklisted his name?

I would laugh so hard if one day some asshole astronomer decided to name an asteroid Sonichu.