Containment Random Chris Updates

[zap2theextreme]

It's canonical in the comics that before Chris became Christine he saved his sperm and then shot it up inside himself when he became a woman. Christine then layed an egg in her Sonichu form and gave birth to two Sonees. This is not a joke, he literally wrote this.

Another cool lesser known tid-bit of Chris lore is that he also believes he's the reincarnation of a lesbian woman from the 60s. He had a vision of this past life sitting under a tree at Woodstock. It caused him to have a "hippie" phase and he wore a shitty tie-dye hippie shirt with tassels for like an entire month.

 

[Bardle-B Jones]

The CWC-isms are strong with this one.
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The loser didn't even wait to get the likes. This is the second twitter challenge that he failed to follow the rules in a week.

Keep on failing in unimaginably pathetic ways, you wonderful, sponge-brained, axe-scented, hedgehog goddess.

 

[Rogowski]

The CWC-isms are strong with this one.
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Trill-seeker? Doesn’t he know that Bun B’s entire discography is available on most streaming services?

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

I'll rebut Chris' last few tweets

1. Your dogs occasional sticking their tongues down your mouth because they smell food and are starving doesn't mean you've "kissed quite a few times"
2. Just because you forcefully tried to make out with heterosexual men at conventions doesn't mean you've "kissed quite a few times"
3. You will never give birth or get to be around children again for extended periods of time ever again.
4. Cartoon characters aren't real, and if they were, I doubt they'd want to be married to someone who looks like the retarded ogre from the Smurfs.

 

[RustyNail(her)]

I wish a doctor could stick a baboon womb in Chris, pry his taint open, and let him get knocked in his 40s like dear ol' Barb - just so he too can shit out an autistic bottomfeeder like Chris and see how long he could raise it.

 

[Picnic_Boy]

I wish Chris turn back into a straight, racist, homophobic, picklephobic, gullible person

Homophobia was the rock on which Chris built his church. Without it, he's gone from just being backwards and paranoid to nutty as all get out.

Goes to show the quality of the Chandler home life when homophobia is a legitimate tether to reality.

 

[PT 940]

It doesn't seem like he's ever around children so I doubt he has any idea how much work they can be. There's a lot that goes into raising a child that he probably doesn't have a clue about. We don't have much info about him interacting with kids other than the one he made cry by doing his Donald Duck impression, which is probably an indication of how any other interactions went.

 

[Kanna]

It doesn't seem like he's ever around children so I doubt he has any idea how much work they can be. There's a lot that goes into raising a child that he probably doesn't have a clue about. We don't have much info about him interacting with kids other than the one he made cry by doing his Donald Duck impression, which is probably an indication of how any other interactions went.

Imagine a screaming child, and Chris trying to breastfeed it.

 

[No_one]

"Three piercing in my human form ears"

What about the taint?

 

[Tikbalang]

 

[ZapThePickle]

Imagine a screaming child, and Chris trying to breastfeed it.

The first time he heard a baby cry he would probably mung out and hug it to death.

 

[Eugene90]

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Okay, Chris' brain is clearly going on overload of autistic imagination again and needs emergency venting before a full meltdown took place with tard rage explosion coming on...

...Oh wait.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

[wat]

Maybe Chris ate so much fast food from eating at McDonald's at least once a week that fat got into his TV-fried brain and is short circuiting or blocking neural pathways or something.

 

[Tikbalang]

Imagine a screaming child, and Chris trying to breastfeed it.

 

[Wraith]

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At this point I want to see a Clyde Cash style troll but along the lines of some moronic Marvel / DC superhero. This superhero stands up for morality and justice, and has the super powers in imagination-land to separate the dimensions like a /pol/ skit. "A separate dimension for every race" or some such. Use a rainbow flag with pictures of stellar cartography or some such. Add cheering fans of this superhero troll fighting against merging the dimensions and fighting against deviancy and... Chris would probably ignore it. I'm overthinking things. Back to work.

The first time he heard a baby cry he would probably mung out and hug it to death.

He's so isolated himself from anyone challenging his morals and world views on things he's probably get frustrated and say a baby crying was a conspiracy from Clyde Cash's long lost relative to keep him from happiness or some such. I think he's that far gone.

Maybe Chris ate so much fast food from eating at McDonald's at least once a week that fat got into his TV-fried brain and is short circuiting or blocking neural pathways or something.

Would it be green milk like that crap The Last Jedi from all the hair dye leaking into his body? Damn that's a disturbing image.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Seems Chris is choosing to believe the trolls about the dimensional merge instead of well-meaning friends, this shocks me. Is there a point where he'll ever consider that maybe cartoons aren't becoming real in this dimension of 1218?

 

[The Dude]

Is there a point where he'll ever consider that maybe cartoons aren't becoming real in this dimension of 1218?

That's the Million Dollar Question isn't it? Things used to be pretty cut and dry with Chris. Yeah, he's always been stupid, gullible, and childish, but if you knew a bit about him then he was pretty predictable and you could easily know how he would react or what he would say about most things. But he's become so unhinged and detached from reality that I don't think anyone can peg him down with any certainty. He is doing everything he can to fill his life and occupy his mind with comforting lies and happy delusions to the point where its damn near an obsession for him. Anyone who doesn't feed into his delusions are cast off to the wayside and he's surrounding himself with sycophants who refuse to challenge his views or help him see reality. His mind is totally fucked. I don't think anyone can honestly say with any real certainty that Chris knows deep down inside that this merge shit is just fantasy or that he will come to that realization one day. He either genuinely believes it, or wants to believe it so hard that it near as much makes no difference. Most likely he will continue to just say "Its totally happening. Any day now, honest." until the day he dies, and I'm willing to bet he will get even worse about it when Barb dies.

 

[TrippinKahlua]

Chris is trying to come off as Martin Luther.

(And I mean the religious leader, for those who don't know about old religious history)

 

[Phosphophyllite]

Chris is trying to come off as Martin Luther.

(And I mean the religious leader, for those who don't know about old religious history)

Does this mean he's going to nail a manifesto to a church entitled "95 reasons why the Dimensional Merge will happen"?

 

[Second Missing Primarch]

Does this mean he's going to nail a manifesto to a church entitled "95 reasons why the Dimensional Merge will happen"?

Nah. That would involve putting effort into something other than Twitter rants and vidya, and our almighty CPU god-empress is too good for that sort of thing, don't you know.