random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[PhoBingas]

I like to refer to myself as Jeffersonian with Cambodian characteristics

 

[a kiwifarms user]

I thought the Kiwi Farms was the official Kiwi Farms Islam-hate thread

 

[Aunt Carol]

Fun fact, you can actually do this yourself if you're insane.

Move over, Humbert Humbert and Holden Caulfield, I have a new favorite unreliable narrator.

I had never heard of yaoi before the farms.

At what point do you think he just resigned himself to "I'm a male-pregnant dog getting pegged in the ass by a prematurely-ejaculating rape horse" was what life held for him in the future?

 

[SNEED.EXE]

Virginia - AHHHH *shoots gun into penis*

 

[The Ugly One]

Honestly this was even harder to decide to post than my attempt to be gay 8+ months ago.

 

[Zeftax]

When will null add a “don’t fuck the cows” sign to the forums?

 

[SNEED.EXE]

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was in the waiting room and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my magazine and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole waiting room of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this magazine NSFW

 

[Aunt Carol]

Imagine the feat of being such an obnoxious faggot that you actually get convicted of felony obnoxious faggotry.

I'm sorry for asking such a horrific question, but are you talking about pee or poop?

 

[Speedrunner]

You know who else was obsessed with Hitler?

HITLER!

 

[Super Mario Brothers]

We need Communism more than ever.

Shooting sissy hypno addicts would be a genuine pleasure.

 

[DickMain]

Yeah the Kiwi Farms userbase is very interested in hearing the details of a black guy having sex with some dude.

 

[Gutless]

Shut up you shit shovelling, potato munching, bog leaping Paddy prick. I bet you live in a caravan, have never seen indoor plumbing and have an uncle called Seamus.

 

[Slideshow Bill]

White man's burden: yaoi edition

 

[Aunt Carol]

The first thing I see right there in front of me, on this 70 year old lady's phone, was gay smut. It was the last thing she wanted to see before she croaked in her hospital bed.

 

[Oliver Onions]

he's gonna stream Mario to 3 people for six months and then leak his own nudes to advertise his twitch.

 

[BIG BILL HELL'S]

Oh sure they existed, but I was finding local women even then. Unless they were doing some kind of non-euclidean tuck to create a puzzle vagina, in which case I'd have to say hats off to them for fooling me.

 

[Hooked on phobics]

>[Roblox] has achieved very good penetration of nine-to twelve-year-olds

 

[Aunt Carol]

It seems he has grown more retarded with time.

 

[Stan]

and we're in fucking FLORIDA

 

[ScooterL]

I've said this before and I got quoted in random text. It's not funny!