random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[PhoBingas]

Finally I can furiously masturbate while driving recklessly and disobeying all traffic laws, just like in real life

 

[Uh Oh Stinky]

All that aside how can they even tell her and the infection apart? It's probably busy fighting HER off

 

[neger psykolog]

Someone made a new and improved version of "they're fat and I wouldn't have sex with them":

Then she got fat and ugly. She’s more of a let down to me than she is to her father.

 

[Dr. Butt]

Politics. Those are men you're gossiping about the personal and professional lives of; what are you, gay?

 

[Oliver Onions]

I personally recommend the Nckia E8 although the Airphone 4 comes with some low-quality softcore porn which is always a plus.

 

[IamnottheNSA]

Man, i love how this fucking thread derails like a indian train full of pajeets.

 

[Aunt Carol]

A necessary condition for orgasming from clitoral stimulation is to be female.

I wish them all a very Merry Castration.

none of these people are oppressed but they should be

These "bands" all seem to be made up of people whose only real qualification seems to be they have access to an instrument.

Come for the owls, stay for the unnerving crossdresser!

I remember when Nelson Mandela got out of prison and was like “Fuck you all I’m buying a Nintendo.”

Listen, if the choice is retard or pedophile, I’d rather be considered a retard.

 

[a kiwifarms user]

I can't fathom this behavior with my superior European brain

And fellating Immanuel Kant or some other dead out-of-touch academe's shaft makes you an even more insufferable faggot. Can you try not sounding like you're trying to embody Reddit?

(I normally hate posting multiple from the same thread as it ruins the out of context aspect but these 3 back-to-back were too good)

The Yakubian foxboy vs the big dicked Black ubermensch. DAS RITE!

The fuckfest y'all been waiting for, huh?

I don't know what this relationship is but may god bless the unfortunate soul which has become a slave to your cock

 

[SNEED.EXE]

To achieve this Sega collected the urination data from more than 1,000 people.

Pissing like a racehorse would be advantageous here.

 

[a kiwifarms user]

NONE OF THE RAGING AT ME YOU DO WILL EVER CHANGE THE FACT YOU'RE A SHITSKIN ESL BRAPXICAN FURKIKE NIGGER WHO DOES NOTHING BUT GOON TO ZOOP' DAY IN AND DAY OUT WHILE SUBSISTING OFF NOTHING BUT STALE DOG CUM YOU OBTAIN BY STEALING.

 

[Gentlebastard]

These used to be called “Angel of Death” serial killers.

Now they’re “Employee of the Month” at Canadian hospitals.

If anyone ever says "image the smell," my reaction will always be . Why are you trying to ruin my day?

It's funny. Back when I was in high school there was a blonde white girl and a very dark skinned hijab wearing Muslim girl who were best friends. They kind where they were practically always seen together, but they were both exactly the same height and equally fat so they legitimately looked like shitty sonic recolor OCs of each other. That must have been the shit MLK dreamed of.

Greater mass = greater gravitational force, stalker. So he truly has achieved his dream of being an influencer.

It’s incredible. He sits (fatly) by himself in different bars around Milwaukee drinking all day, only to fly to another city on the other side of the continent so he can sit (fatly) and drink at a bar by himself all day.

He isn't just fat in the way someone else may be "fat" in that they're slightly overweight; he's fat in the way that Orthodox Jews consider Moses not just to be "a prophet", but Prophecy personified. No matter that there may be persons who might literally be larger, per se, none of them are fatness made corporeal.

I like how both of them are looking at him like he's some kind of repulsive slug.

As both a retard and a fuckhead I'm upset to be lumped in with troons now.

"Homosexuality has been recorded in hundreds of species. Homophobia has been documented in one." We're also the only species to have gone to the Moon and to drink White Monsters so your point is retarded.

This sounds like an 80's commercial for a GI Joe figure. "This fourth of July...He's human... he has action gurgles and death rattles...he has keeling over action and fully poseable arms complete with choking ability. It's ACTION JACK! Available at your local K-Mart."

I didn't partake because I was spending my mental space hating the French and their silly bastardized retard-Latin language.

Came across a new JAV title that made me happy:
"Massive Intestinal Juice Dripping Dripping Dripping Dripping Super Intense Orgasm Ultra Continuous AtoM Ultra Massive Enema Sakuma Tsuna (24)"
truly poetic

Sorry being one page late, I wanted to tell you that user's name means "asshole sommelier".

 

[Toji Suzuhara]

Uploading an audio file containing my dick pic to Spotify so that I can send it through DMs then raging when Spotify tells me it's too small of a file to upload

 

[a kiwifarms user]

I can't enjoy Kirby anymore - Too many Trannys & Fags are into it​

Can't quote titles. from here: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/i-cant-enjoy-kirby-anymore.227278/

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

big explosions, dead communists, and hot young actresses

Sounds like these parasites make it easy for the rest of us to smuggle weapons, explosives, or drugs.

Bananas are already radioactive, you're good.

+QQQQQQQQQQQQ
MESSAGE RECEIVED
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ECHO ECHO ECHO
COVFEFE
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If your response to hearing that somebody got murdered starts with "Erm", you also deserve to be murdered.

and are like

 

[a kiwifarms user]

Is this a result of beating your kids too much or not enough ?

I remember there was some DSP retard here who bragged about sending a cardboard dick to his house, but he was so retarded indeed that he filed the wrong address. I can't recall his name though.

 

[Dr. Butt]

getting a masters in soil and not wanting to move to where there is soil because you live somewhere with a large amount of landfill is pretty ironic and dumb.

 

[Mound Dweller]

I attempted to make a guess as to the longest JAV title based on the URL's of jav.guru pages advertised in the Wayback Machine. Unfortunately their CRM cuts things off, so a fairly short title like:
'We Went Picking Up Girls In Los Angeles And Met A Blonde Office Lady From An IT Firm So We Slipped Her Some Aphrodisiacs To Get Her Sensuality Boosted Up And Then She Got Way Too Sexed Up And Started To Give Us 2 Creampie Fucks In A Row Daisy (21 Years Old)'

 

[Xarpho's Return]

When I'm king of the world I'm taking 95% of jannies, tying them to a post and burning them alive.

When he started talking about how he figures mcdonaldland runs on some kind of feudal system with the mcdonalds characters as shot callers it had me picturing grimace whipping the shit out of some kids ronald lured to mcdonaldland with the promise of free happy meals, while the kids slaved away in the mcnugget mines in some kind of rura penthe dilithium mine style living hell

 

[Gog & Magog]

I love, respect and support the State of Israel and its people and will never criticise any member of the Knesset, Kahanism or the Halachic state.
Israeli chefs invented Hummus and I will accept no other explanation.
עם ישראל חי

 

[Black Man Underwear]

“local eunuch community”