random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Man In A Dress]

Kiwi Farms harvests anguish. It thrives on pain and revels in death

 

[Procopius]

No Thaddeus, I will not go to the United Nations councilroom with you, while dressed as a pair of breasts.

 

[MetokurGroomedMe]

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.Here's why:Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead.Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it.Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova.Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series:"Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1."And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.

 

[DumbDude43]

I dont have a BWC, so you can please go away semen demon

 

[mr. testicular torsion]

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t order the KENTUCKY FRIED NIGGER with my pasta”

 

[Black Man Underwear]

you are a very insecure person
I can smell bitch over the internet
it's all over this chat room

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

It would have been easier just to gas them yourself.

I'll omit the thirst trap Pic

Spoken like an imprisoned infant who's never won a knife fight.

get yourself an instant pot, it's one of the best investments you can make and it's like having trainers for cooking

You send a code to the newborns email address if it doesn't reply here comes the hanger

Things are cooking off in Georgia

I was screaming nigger before it was cool.

It turns out the federal government really does give a shit about money

 

[30+GameOvers]

He’s on pills. She’s on meth.

They’re the perfect couple.

 

[Oliver Onions]

Nice balls, nigga.

 

[Hamstirer]

What posseses the man to go so hogwild all the time? Just what posseses him to take a dozen Xanax all at once instead of trying to space it out throughout the day? It's not even an addiction at this point.

Xander will never get to play peek-a-boo behind plexiglass ever again.

 

[Artificial Stupidity]

Armchairman Mao is at it again.

In reference to dong gone.

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

I think Grok needs a few more sessions with Will to work out some of the... kinks...

We must secure the existence of our goobers and a future for dork manchildren.

You know what? It's my fault for opening this thread and reading. That's my bad.

That's enough drag-queen story hour for today.

I bet this nigga's CIA handlers are really regretting setting his MKULTRA activation word to "ENDLESSBREADSTICKS" now.

 

[Hitman One]

Will Stancil was merely the first to be raped.

the rapings will continue until equity improves

 

[Gentlebastard]

No such thing as gay “sex”.

Fine. Assturbation

No such thing as gay “sex”.

Then what the hell was I having in jail?

While I generally agree with this, I find that I enjoy civil conversation in my politics without the constant drone of 4 or 5 gorilla niggers farting into a flugelhorn.

Someone who is good at hip-hop please explain.

“I’m afraid I can’t co-sign the trolls behavior, but I totally get it, this guy sucks.”

why would I want to help him tard out when he's very good at tarding out?

God. Fucking. Damn.

You could have not posted this.

Count your blessings that you were born an absolute anomaly. The chances of you being the first to the egg are impossibly slim. Your chances of being born healthy are low, your chances of being born human are lower... Your chances of being Chinese or Indian are astronomical.

Even at your lowest, you are an impossibility within a slim chance inside an unlikely happening. Always appreciate that.

Even if Rick was a trillionaire and king of earth he would still directly respond to a zero follower twitter account called “Nigger killer Hitler fart 1488” to deny that he has a tiny dick and is a gay pedophile.

Hardin should be able to file an injunction against Russell seeing any prostitutes until Null is paid in full

It would be a funny civil rights case if some trisomy thot wanted to do porn. Payment processors would lose their minds.

It's as bad as I expected, but the oil was definitely a shocker.

 

[Meat Target]

Tard isnt getting it, a white man in a nigger infested justice system is like a money piñata.

 

[CaddestSlown]

You majoring in postmodernism?

Sorry, next time I'll make a joke. Everyone likes a good joke!
Nigger!

That feeling when you will never be fatpacks. Just fat.

Is being named after a demon normal in Israel?

I put China on the same level as druids and vegans. Obnoxious assholes who, despite being buck broken 24/7, can't ever take a hint.

 

[dcss]

You do realize I have unironically been anticipating for someone to actually just shoot and kill me and like not in a fear kind of way. I've walked through high crime rate areas and not even the gang bangers or muggers will fuck with me.

 

[not william stenchever]

can you freaks message eachother and move the cumposting elsewhere?

 

[Aunt Carol]

Use a semicolon, bitch.

There’s embroidering a story, and then there’s her Bayeux Tapestry of bullshit.

Lou himself isn't necessary, only the community of hate he's inspired in all of us.

Lou is the only person I've ever seen who tried to be a sissy and failed.

I'm so glad she's too retarded to start a doomsday cult.

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

And there it is. Exactly as I fucking predicted.

>Film yourself and your fellow lefty faggots blowing rape missiles

Basically, the only way I will ever respect China is if they do the following:

1. Admit they can be stupid retards.
2. Admit their women are ugly and stupid.
3. Admit the hamburger is far better than some dry ass Peking Duck with goyslop sauce that some nigga scooped out of a barrel.

Until then, I put China on the same level as druids and vegans. Obnoxious assholes who, despite being buck broken 24/7, can't ever take a hint.