random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[FuckMeGentlyWithAChainsaw]

I did not self-diagnose using a test online, I used the DSM-5.

 

[CobraPlissken]

Men notoriously hate nice smelling shampoo and conditioners: it's why all the male-marketed scents smell like diarrhea in rotting milk or cadavre du jour pour homme

 

[neger psykolog]

If I had a nickel for every time a black Twitch streamer had Windows 11 Notepad pull up some shit they didn't intend to, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.

 

[Gentlebastard]

It's like, there's a difference between shooting someone with a normal gun and shooting them with a gun that can only be fired if you have an urge to drown a sack of puppies.

I will wear the armband with pride.

Jack would claim a restaurant that served him literal dog shit was the best restaurant of all time if they served him a LOT of dog shit.

Italians possess the best qualities of both kikes and whites but only in a situation which requires criminality. Outside of that they're powerless.

 

[IsaacShraeder]

White Power blesses every one of you!

 

[Miss Violet Beauregarde]

the wall textures in a hero shooter are supposed to add to your mind and soul?

WHY HASNT PFIZER ADDRESSED THE CONCERNS OF THE CATHETER FETISH YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

With all the crying and the soy filled rants, Brandon Martinez is redefining what it means to be a nigger faggot on the internet.

the last thing you’d want on your kiwi thread is 2 gay niggas kissing but that just might be what you get

truly the funniest of shit

 

[BigMan13]

Not going to argue with someone who is not going to take serious suggestions, well, seriously, in the first place. Since Null himself doesn't care, jannies should lock this thread now.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Like a Hellraiser spinoff, the Lemarchand's Vagina.

This is the Man-Hate Thread, not the Soviet-Love thread.

garlic's for pussies I put a whole clove of garlic in my urethra and I was only in danger of dying of boredom

It does, however, include the kitchen Funko Pops.

PaRappa the Rapper lookin bitch

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Harry Potter was the YA genre's Cambrian explosion

That's right, true believers, Vernon Dursley is a GAMER. There's three things he hates, imagination, people who dress all funny, and filthy casuals.

Fanfiction Writers: I don’t have a creative bone in my body, and I suck at actual writing, so I’m just going to ruin this book I like by inserting in my own weird fetish material.

We move to the countryside because we're not allowed to stab the postman in the cities.

People always ask if you'd go back in time and kill Hitler, but few brave souls ask if you'd go back in time to fuck Hitler.

Kiwi Farms is so persecuted, Josh had to resort to buying server space in the dungeons. Dumbledore doesn't really approve, but he does think free speech and freedom of information is important. Plus, he's a big fan of the Wogglebug thread, having met Frank L. Baum at a party back in 1910.

The old quote about staring into the abyss originally refers to the madness induced by reading too many HP fanfics.

I forgot, is that the one with Ron trying to rape Hermione as part of a ritual to ensure Dumbledore is reborn in the womb of a mudblood?

Not to mention that being able to send things to the poop dimension is yet another insanely strong spell if it is used on someone's eyeballs.

I come here to laugh, not feel bad.

Simply not possible. It's illegal to shoot and kill people in Canada.

The cattle moos as they overdose on toilet meth and the dealer whispers lies to their face and spits on their twitching corpse in the crack shack.

As long as we are daydreaming Is there a fuck everything cult i can join? Because I want to work from home, have everything delivered to my house, and then cooked and fed to me by attractive single women. Thank you.

I too write my thoughts out like a roleplay when tragedy occurs, as one does. Very believeable.

Irish travellers are redneck british incest babies. Gypsies are exiled sub-dalits from India.

I can see a troon policules play strip poker as part of some erp session, just so that they delay having actual sex with each other, since the pre-op ones can't get an erection, and the post-op ones smells like shit and gangrene.

No Toilet, No Bride? I love that Bob Marley song.

This is a thing I remember because chat logs leaked where hyper pro-feminist SJW cat lady Eggplant Wizard, a something awful mod, complained about it because she wrote incest-rape porn stories for money.

I witness that user defending the book Lolita and it’s Jew author. Neo pagans are overwhelmingly Jeets and Kikes.

Sometimes I pray for people who wrong me to experience misfortune and my prayers are answered and I do not think it is God answering

Ronald Reagan was wrong, the most terrifying sentence in the English language is "This project is being handled by an overseas team."

Gen Z Nintendrones are the wagyu of niggercattle.

Not a single word from that appears in the bible

im like a jahovas witness for the gay demon show

Being immunosuppressed and licking toilet seats is so hard in the US in 2026

I have to say you’re not as fat but I still wouldn’t have sex with you

I want to rank you the opposite of "optimistic." You're being pessimistic. You get a doomer rainbow:

I call that the "poor man's bidet" and it's fantastic. A little extra cleaning water for the last wipe, and the satisfaction of knowing your CIA agent had to hear the "plop"

also pic tax because you niggers got me threadbanned for a week last time fuckyou (I cried myself to sleep that night but now I'm ok).

 

[pikachudidnothingwrong]

end users are cancer

Do we know what the tranny loooked like?

Yes, like a male.

 

[Hamplanet Fitness]

Notably, Stephanie's "hour" of typing did not rebut the skin jar, her terrible hygiene or her ghost boyfriends.

 

[HTTP Error 404]

I feel like I was just asked whether asparagus or broccoli tastes more like chocolate ice cream, and when I said, "neither," the response is incoherent screeching about how I must love steamed okra.

 

[GunCar Gary]

Like imagine wanting to have a critical discussion about Null, and this guy comes crashing through the wall, like a deranged anti-semitic Kool Aid Man, screaming in all caps about Gabe Hoffman, Jewish space lasers, and chemtrails.

 

[Betonhaus]

I really love being a lesbian while being great at Trad Skills like cooking and sewing because it makes every meal a bit tastier and every garment a bit comfier knowing my skill will never be exploited by some faggot who spends his time thinking about HYPER COCK.

 

[Skitarii]

Post hands

Ok Mr Hands

 

[BigMan13]

Which side are you being apart of Republican as true MAGA playing retro games by yourselves to achieve the goal to win or Democrats as liberals are attracted to WOKE Games with DLC and Microtransaction?

 

[CaddestSlown]

the fact that no one sticks a fleshlight cow girl 5000 with grip handles and easy access port for cleaning tells you these protestors are not real men with jobs and lives.

She looks like she eats humans but that's how evil lesbians always look like, doesn't mean she's guilty of it with no evidence.

"Sir this is the USA politics general, the Book off complaints is in the other side off the building on the MATI Thread"

Minnesota can't get a single win lol

Minnesota is epicenter of nation's "largest known outbreak" of sexually transmitted ringworm, health officials say

Imagine someone with a stoma and electro-larynx but he doesn't have a stoma or electro larynx, his voice just does that

 

[Chromeo]

God doesn't care about being "nice" you fucking retard.

You are NOT speaking for God, even IF you put a talking cucumber in there!

 

[Gentlebastard]

One woman caught my eye because it looked like her torso was on backwards. Very small frog-butt, contrasting with a pendulous clefted gunt. Here is a visual representation.

The term for this phenomenon is "Globohomo" which was short for "Global homogeneity". I say was, because most people who use that word nowadays think it means "global homosexuality", which isn't inaccurate, but I feel the original definition is more meaningful.

Once, in the quietness of public transportation where everyone else was silent, I heard someone singing loudly and obnoxiously to himself. I turned to look, and lo and behold, the skin color was black.

With the ability to broadcast information in real time to billions of people, what used to be excused as just the actions of a few poisoned apples is now exposed for the sham it really is: ie, almost all of the apples are poisoned