random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[WelperHelper99]

As someone who has been raping Jer repeatedly for months I know the signs

 

[ChaosReignsOnSomeSaturday]

holy fucking shit I fucking regret not being born completely retarded. Huge fumble on my part.

 

[31 Black]

I was okay before reading this. Now I am not.

 

[Gog & Magog]

If you randomly chimp out just from seeing someone related to someone you don't like, there's no room for you in human society.

You can only tickle a bear's taint so many times before it just mauls you.

My ancestors had come to me in a vision. Ancient men and women who came to communicate to me telepathically beyond language, but I still understood it all. They each take turns sharing their individual journey with me, the pain, the strife, the challenges of working the land to grow nutritious foods and slaying dangerous beasts to feed their family. They finally finish ask me about my life, if I've made their sacrifices and struggles worth it. "Yes," I signal in response. "What troubles you dearly, then?" They ask, sensing my existential anxiety.

"Well, I want both the Oreos and Twinkies at the Costco, but when I do the basic math to budget the costs, I can only afford to buy one or the other!" Their remorseful faces turn to that of horror. Even the most hardened of my ancestors breaks down in tears contemplating my words. That's when, from the back of the group, silently observing the scene, comes the wisest of all my ancestors. He asks, "How, my child, did our humanity fall into such dark, hopeless times?"

I wiped away a single tear and work up the courage to tell him: "The Jews." A collective knowing sigh of grief and anger wash over us all. That wisest ancestor put a hand on my shoulder, me expecting him to have words of guidance or reassurance. All that ancestor could muster up was, "May God have mercy on your soul." They all flashed away, my consciousness returned to my body. That ancestor's name? Albert Einstein.

 

[man bun rapist]

"Wow. Okay. Did you know they said the same thing about being gay? Please don't yuck other people's yums, okay sweetie?" - A typical redditor.

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

It is important to note that this individual has a history of attempting to doxx others over disagreements related to opinions on Ninja Turtles.

To properly close the circle we must pierce the veil and defeat death itself. It will be a nigh impossible journey but if we succeed it would be pretty funny.

if only Canadians werent so gay irl i would actually like them

If you aren't whipping out your pistol while yelling racial slurs at a restaurant, can you seriously call yourself an American?

 

[The Secret Sauce]

Be aware, the robot does not like sexism

 

[Big Nasty]

the video where she's dressed as fat DVa and she says "nerf this" and shakes her unfortunate ass and then somebody dubbed in a wet fart that sounds like Donald Duck is motorboating her ass cheeks

 

[Dr. Butt]

What is furniture porn? Is that videos of using furniture to get off, or is it people prtending to be furniture?

 

[Autistic Joe]

say nigger to other autists, say nigger to niggers, say nigger to the president and New York Times journalists, send foids (or any of the aforementioned) pictures of your balls

 

[FrogMinutes]

It's too implied-context and self-repeating to be AI. That post was written with seething human hands.

 

[Sooty Soot]

This news boring put on porn and jerk off

 

[Crex Crex]

Putin can lick the poo out of my chocolate ass crack and his paper is the poo in my chocolate ass crack.

 

[Meat Target]

This fucking internet weirdo thinks I'm going to start a race war for his Humpty Dumpty ass because some streamer that went around calling people niggers got shot? No, fuck him and fuck you too

 

[Path Wanderer]

 

[Gentlebastard]

> Autistics are naturally drawn to each other
This explains so much about the internet in general and KF in particular

she doesn't need to do things like that for money, I think she's just in it for the love of being a degenerate.

He had woodchip mulch delivered to his house and it's classified as one of the "SWATTings" in the lawsuit.

I wish Japanese woman had normal looking vaginas

Do you mean "not made up of Minecraft tiles"?

"Oh don't mind her, she's just a whore!"

YWNBOW (You Will Never Be Oscar Wilde)

she is Dickarus and the hot sun of gay men's happiness threatens to melt her wax wings

 

[Aunt Carol]

A decade of $50 blowjobs is more than enough to save for an okay future.

Is "Beast Mode" a single act or a state of being?

This bitch so agoraphobic she can't even read a book silently next to somebody while they talk about smoking crack.

Whatever they do, I hope they do it in the privacy of a piss van.

You may live to see man-made goofiness beyond your comprehension.

Least favorite parts: the threats to shoot children

is being a bigot really that bad of a thing

 

[JustSomeDong]

I want my anal cavity to sound like one of those gigantic industrial water drums being shaken around. I demand I leave a trail like a snail wherever I go.