random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Bill Evans 45]

Brothelcoaster! Make sure your hooker is firmly strapped in before you depart!

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

you can't take half-measures with Rowdies at lunchtime

I was taught the minimum size for creating normalized distributions for study was 30. They need at least 30 masturbation consultants, with appropriate sampling techniques. As with any other study the more the merrier of course, but 30 is the bare minimum.

like a fat man's filthy belly button, only five times worse

the shit nerds CRAVE

I just like that phrasing so much. "Anomaly" is going to be my go to for all big firey explosions in the future.

 

[Gentlebastard]

Cory Doctorow furiously masturbates while chanting "I'm one of the good ones" over and over again. No one will ever convince me otherwise.

Somehow, hope spring eternal for his hooker dreams. Never give up, you dangerously insane, gimp faced moron.

The lolicons are a post hoc justification to his real motivation towards hating anime: having to spend his entire day answer emails with anime recommendations in them.

She doesn't pass for whatever non-binary is because it doesn't exist.

But she looks exactly like the type of person who would call herself non-binary.

Brothelcoaster! Make sure your hooker is firmly strapped in before you depart!

The bunker walls rumble every three seconds from the falling bombs. A loudspeaker quietly announces more tunnels collapsing in a bored tone.

The faithful are strewn around the floor, chanting as one: nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger

 

[demicolon]

But I guess that in the extremely specific niche of traumatized lesbians getting graphically abused, it's the best game available.

 

[Overly Serious]

You yourself admit to having sex

To clarify I am pro-modesty and anti-sex but it's cruel to get rid of porn

 

[PhoBingas]

This time it's a GoJail Me.

 

[Meat Target]

ffs get me half a pound of gabagool and bring back the mob already. 100 greaseballs with baseball bats and this shit never happens again

 

[Tablet County]

I guess I’m not a connoisseur of scrotums like you are. My apologies.

I sneed. I will continue to sneed.

 

[pro drivor]

Lets break it down.

Average penis size in the UK is 5.17 inches.
On average men thrust 60 times per minute of sex.
1057 men over 12 hours equals each man had 40 seconds of sex.
40 seconds is .67 of a minute.
60 * .67 = Actually equals 40 thrusts on average.
1057 men executing 40 thrusts = 42,280 thrusts
42280 thrusts * 5.17 inches = 240,996 inches of dick taken

240996 inches is equivalent to 3.8 miles or 6.12 Kilometers of dick.

This bitch has been run through.

No no no you can't walk it back. You've expressed your preference for a man with laughable 'facial feminization surgery' (Charlie Kirk face squashing) and awful fake tits over a woman with bad posture.

Welcome to Gaysville population you

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

finally a substandard attractive woman who will stab me and steal my shit rather then a fat black lady who I seduced at the ihop

or furry costumes

Imagine DDoSing a gossip site in the year of our lord 2026.

Eagerly awaiting stickers.

By God, we will take our country back.

is this the ultimate "I don't get it?"

The real blackpill is knowing most people, including your family and neighbors are just as if not more evil than they are.

That's true but fuck you for making me agree with you lol

 

[Aunt Carol]

"diapers need to be replenished." Is such a foul, soul shaking sentence.

“From Garfield to Allah”

i'm a fat trans guy who hasn't had bottom surgery yet... this is normal. fat accumulates in the pubic area too. i have to dig to find my clit. it's just folds upon folds upon folds. it doesn't necessarily mean you've been botched.

 

[Meat Target]

I paid you good money to breed my car and it's still not pregnant.

 

[Flipendo]

Iirc I got fucked to death by a horse.

 

[Tablet County]

nah that guitar has a point

 

[Black Man Underwear]

my biggest ass pustule erupted today spewing a new strain of airborne aids+herpes+ebolapox. Lockdowns incoming, you're welcome.

 

[Tablet County]

Jew wars forever as long I can mentally picture a blue haired woman being mad about it.

On February 24th, 2022, Russia invades Ukraine. Trump ends the conflict overnight by offering to blow Putin on live TV.

On February 23rd, 2024, Trump endorses Ron DeSantis for the Republican presidential nominee, calling him "Ron DeSpectular."

 

[Spectate]

The website will survived from malicious cyber terror attack and I pray Kiwi Farms will be saved by engineers, technicians and moderators to revoking the malicious virus and dark virus cells. DDoS will be banned from the website, Forever!

 

[Mister Eveready]

Watching white people die brings me immense joy.

The CWCki is more accurate than a lot of wikipedia.

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

I'm getting real Chris Christie imposter vibes here

It's so unfathomably based that I do not blame you for not fathoming how based it is.

Editor's note: It's unfortunate how these three together point to the context, because taken alone they're pretty fuckin' random.

Be honest you just wanna see hassidic jews in full gas mask and shtreimel emerging from the ground like some nazi horror-dream.

Lowkey I understand the appeal of a secret tunnel.

Why wouldn’t you use the sewers to traverse the landscape in a way that shortcuts through traffic, buildings, and people? Very efficient, very wise. Good idea.

 

[Gentlebastard]

That's true but fuck you for making me agree with you lol

But, for the sake of argument, let’s say that a lesbian was willing to date a man as a hypothetical. If she’s really that desperate, who do you think she’s going to choose? A normal man, or a depraved, predatory head case of a man?

Apparently innit pints are larger than freedom pints

It may be worth mentioning that Jack never has the thought bubbles originating from his brain (it's usually one of his nipples).

Porn is an exhibition sport, like gymnastics or WWE.