Careercow Red3blog / Brian Stuart - Angry, Bitter Trollshielding Fat "Activist" with Tons of First World Problems

[Melkor]

No thanks, tumblr.

 

[Hellfire]

Reich3blog was involved in the Alison Rapp salt fest, because of course he was.

Also butthurt over Caucasians acting as Caucasian characters.

 

[AnOminous]

Also butthurt over Caucasians acting as Caucasian characters.

Why the fuck would a LABOR UNION for actors give a shit about the opinions of some worthless jobless lardass who will never be an actor anyway?

 

[Hellfire]

"Hi, I'm mentally ill and obese!"

"As a kid, I understood that I didn’t really identify with other boys but never knew what to do with that. When I was in 1st grade, the girls in my class named me an honorary girl, which I liked in ways I wasn’t sure I was supposed to." http://red3blog.tumblr.com/post/142021090822/so-today-is-transgender-day-of-visibility-so-i

So, today is Transgender Day of Visibility, so I thought that might be a good reason to be visibile. Hi, I’m Brian and I’m not cis.

This is kind of how I’ve gotten used to looking at my relationship with gender. “Not cis” but I struggle with feeling like I don’t deserve to be anything else. My relationship with gender has always been… difficult, but my anxiousness about openly talking about it isn’t primarily driven by fear of how others will react. I mean, its part of it, but I really don’t think that’s the driving force in silencing myself. Largely, its out of feeling like I don’t deserve to. I’d tell myself I was “cis enough” so I should just shut up.

As a kid, I understood that I didn’t really identify with other boys but never knew what to do with that. When I was in 1st grade, the girls in my class named me an honorary girl, which I liked in ways I wasn’t sure I was supposed to. It was just so when they trashed the boys in the class, I would know they didn’t mean me because unlike evidently everyone else I never picked on girls.

But while I was excited about being an honorary girl, I also knew that I didn’t feel like I was a girl. I visited this again a number of times growing up because I recognized something wasn’t right about my maleness but I also never felt that was the answer. I saw aspects of me that were more feminine and I liked them, but I never had that feeling of being a woman. I just didn’t feel like a man, either. I didn’t feel like I could relate to any other men. Something was wrong there and I felt horribly alienated around men. Puberty especially was revealing to just how out of place I felt. Being in the boys locker room and seeing the attitudes towards girls change and become toxic was probably the final nail in that coffin. After 12 or so, I didn’t really have any good friends who were boys.

My problem was that I wasn’t sure how to relate to girls as friends, either. I wanted to be around them, but I didn’t want to establish any expectations of those friendships. I mean, I was uncomfortable around men so I sort of assumed they’d feel the same way. Or at the least that I should assume they might and act accordingly deferential. I’d take what I was offered, offer what was asked of me, but I’d never ask anything of anyone else. I think I was concerned that they wouldn’t want to have that kind of friendship with me because girls weren’t “supposed” to have male friends. The few times I tried, there was clear social stigma around it and I didn’t want to push the issue. I didn’t feel it was my place. I’m sure a lot of it was not wanting to expose myself and be vulnerable. I always felt vulnerable, so doing anything to magnify that just seemed preposterous.

I made excuses for how alienated I felt around men for the longest time, but they were always just excuses. As teen, I was sure the issue was that I was attracted to fat women. No, really. Stop laughing. Clearly that’s why I felt I was different! But then I met other Fat Admirers and saw that none of them had these issues relating to masculinity and the expectations of them. Well, unless they were TOO eager to embrace those expectations and kept themselves closeted but that was never my issue. Well, surely I just had to find men who were progressive and supportive of feminism! Ha! But here is the thing. There are men I’ve known who I really did like and respected and even admired. But I still felt that alienation. I still feel like I didn’t get them and I was just playing a part so I could fit in.

By this time, I knew that transgender wasn’t a binary which wasn’t really the case as a kid in the 80′s and even 90′s. I now knew that gender was a wondrously complex and varied part of the human experience and I respected and celebrated that. For everyone else. I was hesitant about exploring those feelings for myself. I told myself I’d never look the part. I was in a long relationship (and ultimately marriage) and part of me felt like I needed to just keep up a pretense for that sake. My now ex was belittling enough about me not meeting her expectations of masculinity, the last thing I needed to be doing was wondering if I was a man at all. That relationship ended 3 years ago and these questions quickly came to the forefront. Still, even now I struggle with feeling like I don’t deserve to think about this.

When I was younger, I actually presented myself in a much more androgynous manner. Mind you, not androgynous and that expansive “David Bowie to Tilda Swinton” scale that usually acknowledged. I more looked like a relatively, but not consistently butch woman. I had my hair long until my early 20′s and not infrequently grew it out to shoulder length right up to my early 30′s. My clothes were always men’s clothing but often in color combinations that were not terribly masculine. I used to be mistaken for a woman a lot while I was out and about and it never really bothered me the way I think it was supposed to. But tho I got a bizarre “ma’am” about a year ago, I know losing my hair is just going to make me present more as a male. And its not like my whole Snazzle Frump aesthetic is especially femme. I just don’t see as terribly butch, either. Still, regardless of how I feel about gender, I’m going to receive male privilege based on others perceptions of my presentation and part of me feels like that should disqualify me from trying to honestly relate to my gender.

Its an expectation I’d never demand of anyone else, but do so almost without hesitation of myself. But that’s not fair and I know it. I do think the fact that some people who don’t identify as men can receive male privilege is a genuine thing and we probably should find more nuanced ways to acknowledge and discuss this, but it certainly shouldn’t make me feel disqualified to be honest about feelings about my gender.

It also doesn’t help that there have been high profile instances of male feminists suddenly coming out as trans “coincidentally” at a moment of intense scrutiny for their misogyny. I recall one specific instance that just flooded me with the same feelings of being alienated and ostracized I’d dealt with all my life. But that’s not really a good reason for me to be silent, either.

One of the biggest challenges for me in trying to be “visible”, is that I don’t feel like I have a clear answer about what my gender is. And, again, I’d never demand that of anyone else, but it seems obvious to use it as an excuse to silence myself. I can say I’m non-binary, but that’s a pretty large umbrella and I’m not sure how to fit myself into any other other umbrellas. Demi-guy? I mean, I feel like I am probably more male than not. Sometimes I feel like I could relate to being male much better if I didn’t also have to relate to other men. Still, it is an identity that centers masculinity and that’s really at the core of my issue. Agender? Sometimes, maybe, if I’m feeling particularly alienated but I don’t think I’d be relating it to it the way others do. Can I be genderfluid if I’m moving back and forth between demi-guy and demi-girl? Probably, but I’m not sure even that describes me. Genderqueer often seems like a fit, but that’s an expansive term, too. But why do I feel like I have to put a hard label on this before it can be real? That’s just another way for me to internally disqualify myself. I can’t be trans if I can’t put a label on it, so cis-enough just had to do. That’s not fair to myself. Or others, really. These issues are tricky and fluid and I think a lot of people don’t want to be visible about this because like me, they don’t think they “qualify”. And there are probably people who’d want to enforce that, too. But then silence just begets silence and it makes all of us that much more invisible.

So, I guess this is my effort to be a little more visible. I know is meandering and confessional and not of a lot of value beyond that, but its mine. For anyone concerned with pronouns, I’m comfortable with he/him. They/them works, too. This is still an ongoing process for me, but that’s okay. That’s how it sometimes works and I shouldn’t be silencing myself because I don’t think I deserve to be honest about myself.

Tags: personal trans non binary genderqueer

 

[Hellfire]

Red3blob went shopping.

The Pizza Bible

A comprehensive guide to making pizza, covering nine different regional styles--including standards like Neapolitan, Roman, and Chicago, as well as renowned pizza sub-specialties like St. Louis and Californian--from chef, 11-time world Pizza Champion Tony Gemignani.

Everyone loves pizza! From fluffy Sicilian pan pizza to classic Neapolitan margherita with authentic charred edges, and from Chicago deep-dish to cracker-thin, the pizza spectrum is wide and wonderful, with something to suit every mood and occasion. And with so many fabulous types of pie, why commit to just one style? The Pizza Bible is a complete master class in making delicious, perfect, pizzeria-style pizza at home, with more than seventy-five recipes covering every style you know and love, as well as those you’ve yet to fall in love with. Pizzaiolo and eleven-time world pizza champion Tony Gemignani shares all his insider secrets for making amazing pizza inhome kitchens. With The Pizza Bible, you’ll learn the ins and outs of starters, making dough, assembly, toppings, and baking, how to rig your home oven to make pizza like the pros, and all the tips and tricks that elevate home pizza-making into a craft

 

[BILLY MAYS]

Nonbinary? Does he identify as part man part lard or something?

 

[sugoi-chan]

So what does he do for a living if he can drop that much on toys and books?

 

[HickoryDickory]

I have a difficult time reading this guy... He's just oozing with smugness and... Something else I cannot put my finger on... But, I bet it smells like pizza.

He needs to die, is what I'm trying to say.

 

[AnOminous]

The Pizza Bible

Sounds like a neat book but why does he need it when all he does is gorge himself on store brand shit and take pictures of it?

 

[Hellfire]

 

[chimpburgers]

Tinfoil3blog. I want more of this instead of the politisperging.

 

[Trombonista]

"As a kid, I understood that I didn’t really identify with other boys but never knew what to do with that. When I was in 1st grade, the girls in my class named me an honorary girl, which I liked in ways I wasn’t sure I was supposed to."

That is an overly long way of saying, "I know gender roles aren't the same as gender, but being trans is cool now, so fuck it, I'm trans too!"

 

[Charles Kinbote]

So what's this guy's deal sexually? He puts pussy on a pedestal like a rabid MRA but he looks and acts like an ultra gay stereotype.

This won't answer all your questions, but it's a start. It would probably be wrong to infer from his replying to "the rest of you partnered people" that he has a partner, though.

 

[Hellfire]

Reich3blob back at it.

 

[Hellfire]

Massive salt spill over Tumblr notifications. "...it makes my experience at Tumblr measurably less safe." http://archive.is/0jop8

Spoiler: Salt

My Activity screen is now flooded with people reblogging that Crow photoset that I didn’t even make and just commented on and they aren’t even reblogging from me. WHAT IS GOING ON?!?

Like, they are all showing up as mentions, but its just because I was in the string of comments being reblogged. Some of them even deleted all the comments and I’m still getting it showing as a false “mention”. ACK!

Still just dozens upon dozens of fake mentions making my activity page unusable. Thanks @staff for breaking your website with no sign of a fix. Again.

As I suspected, deleting my post isn’t even impacting it. @Staff has made my activity screen completely useless with this glitch. It’d actually be much better if these were reblogs of my own post because those just take up a line. Because @Tumblr falsely thinks these are “mentions” when they are actually just reblogs of something I had reblogged WAY back in the chain, they all come with little thumnails of the “text” which are just all the usernames from the reblog chain.

Its such a bizarre error that I don’t even know how to explain it. I assume it isn’t widespread or I’d see tons of other people complaining, so basically its just my experience which is being ruined. Wonderful. Thanks as always for ruining you own damn site, @support.

An example of why destroy users’ Activity pages is a problem: it makes it that much harder to be warned when you’re being targeted for abuse. Twice in the last week, I’ve gotten reblogged to “abuse aggregators,” blogs which only exist to collect content for others to be outraged at. Even on a good day, this stuff is tough to notice in an activity screen. The whole point of these blogs is not to post abuse, after all, but to call out targets for others.

When my activity page has hundreds of fake mentions, each taking up an exaggerated amount of space to quote the “mention”, it becomes that much harder to notice these trends and block those blogs before they make it more of a habit. I feel lucky I spotted the couple that I did (one was unabashedly a targeting blog, the other was a sock-puppet set up clearly to instigate infighting and discredit “SJWs”). This is the the thing about activity tracking that many social media platforms seem to ignore. Its not just about observing brand metrics. For a lot of users, it can be the canary in the coal mine on impending abuse. Making it unusable isn’t an inconvenience, it makes my experience at Tumblr measurably less safe.

 

[AnOminous]

Massive salt spill over Tumblr notifications. "...it makes my experience at Tumblr measurably less safe." http://archive.is/0jop8

This is the height of who gives a shit. This blob needs a life other than jerking off on store brand frozen pizzas and getting triggered about literally nothing. That or he should kill himself.

 

[*Asterisk*]

I hope Brian never Tweets again, on account of being raped and murdered in prison.

Dude's so fucking aggravating. Naming my next hemmeroid after him would be insulting to the hemmeroid. He actually manages to outperform Arthur Chu and Mr. Anita Sarkeesian with the retardation generated by his Twitter account.

 

[sparklemilhouse]

Does he not know how reblogs on tumblr work?

 

[Do You Realize]

This thread had me at Star Wars action figure porn in front of Star Trek books.

 

[chimpburgers]

I was taking a little break from red but I'm back to capping his crap and he doesn't shut up ever.

Spoiler