Inactive Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka - Deadbeat (emphasis on "Dead") founder of Something Awful, forced out of his own community, on his second divorce, stuck his dick in crazy, "Birth Giver"

Here are those hilarious "fit check" videos Hypn0tic/Mental Capacity posted.



I think of them whenever I hear that Pinback song.
Oh hey it's the golden slippers.
 
Pity his children have no future being half retarded and half Canadian and all.

Most of his kids are Asian. Only 1 is leaf

But yeah none of them have futures anyway sinced their moms were as retarded as the dad.

Imagine reproducing with lowtax voluntarily....no these women were all after money and percieved status that came with dating rich.

Like groupies waiting inline to gift their virginity to a rockstar.

We have had ample evidence evidence of rich being an awful human being for 2 decades now. It was very public.
 
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Here are those hilarious "fit check" videos Hypn0tic/Mental Capacity posted.



I think of them whenever I hear that Pinback song.
What the fuck does he think he's doing? It's like watching a 10 year old with their first video recording device trying to ape a Jenny Craig 'inspirational' commercial. edit: or a TLC reality show dedicated to providing fashion tips to $35k salary limit call center or mega-chain grocery store supervisors.
 
A common phrase in civil suits is "You can't get blood from a turnip." Now the root vegetable will never sprout again, and Lowtax's family won't be able to wring much out of his mangled corpse. All child support and alimony ended effective the day he died, and the families will get Social Security death benefits (including the canucks).
Sometimes, a divorce judgment will stipulate that the party owing alimony carry a term life insurance policy for the total amount. Richard illustrates why.
 
Do do social security death benefits exist for someone who never paid into the system? Lowtax had what, maybe 2 years of social security credits and he never paid his federal taxes. Did the llc pay into the system on his behalf with lowtax calling himself an employee? Curious.
 
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Do do social security death benefits exist for someone who never paid into the system? Lowtax had what, maybe 2 years of social security credits and he never paid his federal taxes. Did the llc pay into the system on his behalf with lowtax calling himself an employee? Curious.
If he filed federal taxes at all ever then he paid social security tax. Self-employed individuals actually pay double what anyone who earns a paycheck does, because the employer is required to pay their own portion of the tax on top of gross payroll. It's a flat percentage all around for everyone and how much you would get if you became disabled or what your family will get if you died depends on the total amount you paid throughout your life and you get statements in the mail every so many years. It's highly unlikely that Lowtax never filed a return anytime in the last 20 years. I don't believe that he never paid any tax at all. The only debt we have a record of is to the state of Missouri. No doubt there are other debts out there, which could include debt to the IRS for mistakes in filing federal returns. There are many tax agencies he could owe money to honestly.
 
Every year, there is an upper cap on how much of your gross earnings go towards Social Security. For 2021, it's $142,800. That means if you made a million dollars this year then you would pay social security tax based on a flat percentage of $142,800, which this year is 6.2. Self employed business owners pay 12.4% of their gross this year. That comes up to a maximum payment of $17,707 this year. So Lowtax has definitely exceeded the earnings cap each year since SA became popular, so his family's benefits will be based on that, however Social Security divides it up.
 
I wonder who picked up all those sweet GoonBrain chunks, and if they got hazard pay. :smug:


Edit: here's the Doobie's Dog House thread for anyone wondering.
Edit #2: here's a much shorter post-mortem thread which summarizes all the highlights, including the goon who CANCELLED FUCKING CHRISTMAS by donating the money that was intended for family gifts to the Kickstarter instead.
I totally forgot about Doobie's Dog House

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Id legit rather go to the grocery store, buy some cheap Oscar Meyer hot dogs and some generic buns and eat those with just mustard and onion. That chili is nasty and the cheese has gotta be melted. Fucker probably just dumped chili right from a can onto the dog without even heating it up

If that's improved, I'd hate to see the worse version
 
So I can't remember if this was mentioned in the thread or not, but a little over a year and a half ago, gom (a former front page writer) said they were never properly paid by Lowtax for their articles, only ever receiving half of a promised $1000.
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Anyways, the reason I'm bringing this up now is that Jeffrey decided to pay them the remaining $500 several years later for some reason. (archive)
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Also this:
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doobie's incompetence wasn't the funny part, the funny part was all of the shitlibs with completely unrealistic expectations who legitimately thought giving this guy handouts was going to set him on the straight and narrow and set up a hot dog franchise. they weren't giving this guy a hot dog stand, they legitimately thought his bright eyed 'hot dog franchise' plan had some merit to it and i legitimately don't think he sold a single hot dog
I liked when hotdog enterpreneur oobie didn't understand that food places actually don't get the food they sell exclusively at walmart but usually order it from special vendors. The pearl clutching that happened when goons realized that a redneck from Alabama didn't care much for them gays and coloreds was also funny. I also remember the doobster having his hotdog dungeon closed at major times for food business because he didn't feel like he should work that much or at such "strange" times, like you know, weekends. It was all very funny and I wish I could recall more details. That guy was a complete tool with a very lowtaxian work ethic and only a goon would believe that was a good investment.
The Doobie saga was a classic. To break down some of your comments:

- The vent hood saga was him needing one to pass inspection. He bought a shack basically and naturally it did not have a vent hood. Doobie did not know he needed one and it was going to set him back $5k to buy and install it. Of course he begged online to get the cash.

- He expanded to have breakfast served but the Doobster had hours that didn’t make sense. He was closed whenever it would be the busiest. He also fluctuated those hours too. So one day he’d be closed at 4 pm (seriously) and the next day he’d close at 3:30 pm.

- The health department never closed down his restaurant, it got shut down due to good old fashioned incompetence. The Doobster tried opening up a car repair shop while the doghouse was in its death spiral in the midst of all this. The adjacent church bought the property and leveled it to expand their parking lot.

- Deep in debt from two failed businesses in a couple years, he became a trucker. Natasha, his nightmare fuel-looking wife, divorced him. I guess being the laughingstock of Reform, Alabama was too much for the marriage to take.
Initially the whole thing was supposed to just be a hotdog cart and he wanted to sell hotdogs at college football games. He got the idea from www.hotdogprofits.com
After the first fundraiser he learned that hotdog carts are illegal in Reform.

Doobie was the ultimate Goon story. So Doobs initially makes a gofundme to open a hotdog cart after seeing how much money they make at football games. IIRC the plan was to sell them at the local highschool games. So he pivots and opens the Doobie Hotdog and Rape Shed in this cinderblock brick with only a few windows.

He was only asking for a few thousand dollars, and a few goons threw money at it as "lol good luck" and posted it to other goons. Then the idea spread of essentially 'This guy has no fucking clue what he's doing. What if we funded him and got to watch the train wreck' which turned into 'I bet if we over fund him, he will end up like a guy who wins the lottery but ends up in debt and even poorer than before'. This was then taken by the goon hive mind as 'We need to give this guy as much money as we can' and you have goons performatively donating hundreds for e-cred and then justifying it with missives that were intially ironic and then earnest.

Doob of course had no fucking clue what we was doing. His menu was thing of beauty, more beautiful than FRIES PILED HIGH and sadly due to a certain JIDF-commander's actions and then a fat faggot getting cucked by a lesbian in kayak it is gone forever. Doob also lost a few hundred dollars to "pay a neighbors electric bills so they could have heat".

If he filed federal taxes at all ever then he paid social security tax. Self-employed individuals actually pay double what anyone who earns a paycheck does, because the employer is required to pay their own portion of the tax on top of gross payroll. It's a flat percentage all around for everyone and how much you would get if you became disabled or what your family will get if you died depends on the total amount you paid throughout your life and you get statements in the mail every so many years. It's highly unlikely that Lowtax never filed a return anytime in the last 20 years. I don't believe that he never paid any tax at all. The only debt we have a record of is to the state of Missouri. No doubt there are other debts out there, which could include debt to the IRS for mistakes in filing federal returns. There are many tax agencies he could owe money to honestly.

[...]

Every year, there is an upper cap on how much of your gross earnings go towards Social Security. For 2021, it's $142,800. That means if you made a million dollars this year then you would pay social security tax based on a flat percentage of $142,800, which this year is 6.2. Self employed business owners pay 12.4% of their gross this year. That comes up to a maximum payment of $17,707 this year. So Lowtax has definitely exceeded the earnings cap each year since SA became popular, so his family's benefits will be based on that, however Social Security divides it up.

Adding some more to this:
Social Security benefits are based on "credits". Normally you max out at 4 points a year, and need 40 points to get full benefits. And last time I saw in the mid-aughts a point was around $1,000 of reported income. So if you made more than $4,000/year you maxed out your social security points. You could get additional points through Federal Service* and other methods.

fedit: looks like a credit is now $1400

This means that for anyone who isn't a complete workshy faggot, you need to work 10 years to get enough credits for full suvivor, disability, and retirement benefits. He's presumably made enough money enough years to hit the 40 points.


*Guarantees Citizenship!**
** does not actually guarantee citizenship, but can count towards residency requirements.


I wouldn't say it was a total waste, he did live off Something Awful for basically his entire adult life. It wasn't a total waste. All that said, I do feel sad... like him or hate him or mock him... he was a shitposting hall of famer in his early days. Something Awful meant something 20 years ago.

Most anyone will be able to come up with funny shit once and a while. Lowtax was only about average. He missed as much as he hit (anything that wasn't his wife/girlfriend that is). He got clowned on constantly, and hard, but because he controlled the platform he just banned anyone funnier than him.
 
Doobie's appearance at SS was amazing. Dude revealed that he had a fairly unique skillset (antique clock repair) yet wouldn 't do anything to capitalize on it. Didn;t want to open a website, take in work via mail, etc. He then proceeded to argue with everyone in chat about his "problems" running the dog shack and refused to take any of the very simple advice that chat was offering him, even stuff like, "hey maybe you should keep your shack open at potential peak hours, like Saturday".

Sadly, even the sexhaving captains of industry at SS couldn't save the Doobster from himself.
 
nah lowtax was funny, he was just too much of a gay baby to deal with the internet after like 2007. he had a very particular style of humor where being unfunny was the setup for a punchline, he just associated with awful and unfunny people who sucked all of the comedy out of him. he also, ironically, started treating the internet as serious business so his early stuff comes off as 'peep this retard throwing batteries into the ocean lol' and his later stuff comes off as 'WOW theres NO REASON the oceans are turning acidic it has NOTHING to do with this guys hobby NOPE'
 
Doubt. From what I have heard if you shoot yourself with a small round that doesn’t exit the bullet just bounces around making swiss cheese of your brain. Although as I am not an expert in blowing my brains out I’m open to being wrong.
Holy fuck this is retarded boomer fuddlore. No. He shot himself with a 5.7 which is basically overpriced 22 mag. It made a tiny hole which likely caused him to enter extremely painful convulsions while his brain forced his body to dump extreme amounts of hormones into his body in order to force itself to stay alive for just a little longer. This state likely lasted for several minutes while his blood pressure tanked until finally he faded into sweet, merciful death. His last few minutes likely felt like hours of the most intense pain you could imagine.
 
Holy fuck this is retarded boomer fuddlore. No. He shot himself with a 5.7 which is basically overpriced 22 mag. It made a tiny hole which likely caused him to enter extremely painful convulsions while his brain forced his body to dump extreme amounts of hormones into his body in order to force itself to stay alive for just a little longer. This state likely lasted for several minutes while his blood pressure tanked until finally he faded into sweet, merciful death. His last few minutes likely felt like hours of the most intense pain you could imagine.
But at least he doesn't have to pay child support. VINDICATION!
 
Doob of course had no fucking clue what we was doing. His menu was thing of beauty, more beautiful than FRIES PILED HIGH and sadly due to a certain JIDF-commander's actions and then a fat faggot getting cucked by a lesbian in kayak it is gone forever. Doob also lost a few hundred dollars to "pay a neighbors electric bills so they could have heat".

One certainly cannot accuse Doob of ignoring any button in his word processor of choice

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Or not conveying the same excitement for Kids!!! through his advertising that SA mods do in other ways.
 
Holy fuck this is retarded boomer fuddlore. No. He shot himself with a 5.7 which is basically overpriced 22 mag. It made a tiny hole which likely caused him to enter extremely painful convulsions while his brain forced his body to dump extreme amounts of hormones into his body in order to force itself to stay alive for just a little longer. This state likely lasted for several minutes while his blood pressure tanked until finally he faded into sweet, merciful death. His last few minutes likely felt like hours of the most intense pain you could imagine.
Like I said I am open to being disproven but no one has shown any evidence this is the case that happens when people use small calibers to kill themselves and smacks more of wanting Lowtax to suffer more than actual physics. Do you think the skull is padded so there’s no bounce or ricochet? Because this thread cites a medical text that disagrees.


But I digress this thread is about Lowtax not being autistic about bullet physics
 
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