At first I thought I was ready for Blob's review then I found out
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Dat opening bois...dat opening...
I can understand and forgive him for sounding like he's been sucking Namoi's wuflu wiener, we all get sick it happens. What I absolutely love is that he looks like he just rolled out of bed with his hair all messed up and knocks it out of the park with that unintentional meta joke of "What? Did you think this was going to be
good?"
Real talk fam, I saw Sonic. I saw it last night. I saw it last night because I'll do a lot of things but I'd like to think I have enough self pride to
not see the Sonic the Hedgehog movie on Valentines day *he says while making a shitty video and writing this on said day*. It's perfectly fine. It's better than any right it has to be, though we're not talking Lego movie quality here. I personally think it's better than Detective Pikachu though definitely still on that same kind of level. Given Bob's kinda praise for Detective Pikachu,
and the Rampage movie staring The Rock weirdly enough, most would find it bizarre for The Great Diabeeto's disdain for a harmless kids movie. Gentle fellow farmers and superior speds, we know the reason why don't we bois? The way I see it it's three fold:
1. The threat of a successful Sega movie is giving him 'Nam type flashbacks to the great console war.
2. The threat of Sonic beating out
Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) I mean
Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey I mean Harley Quinn is something so infuriating because
this is what will kill the female superhero movies and thus limiting Bob on making deposits at the spank bank.
3. The threat of studios who make boneheaded decisions like the original Sonic design listening to...
gamers... and changing the *snort* "artistic direction/vision" of a movie where it seemed pretty clear that they totes care about the movie and IP based on that first trailer might mean that the studios that made the 2016 Ghostbusters and the last two Star Wars movies might be *gasp* wrong.
oh, and it's not a Disney property so...Islamic content or something.
The review is mostly bullshit but nothing, and I do mean nothing, in it compares to the Howard the Duck jab. Howard the Duck is weird and sketchy and sleazy because Lea Thompson's character willingly tries to force herself on a three foot tall, anthropomorphic duck. It does not have a terrifying villain that's "completely inappropriate for a kid's movie" for two reasons:
1. The stop animation super roach centipede monster is undercut by 30 minutes of Jeffery Jones making a funny voice.
2. IT'S NOT A GODDAMNED KIDS MOVIE YOU INCREDIBLE exceptional individual MOVIE CONSOOMER WHEN YOU HAVE DUCK TITS AND LITERALLY NOTHING FOR A KID TO GRAB A HOLD OF.
"
Because it was actually trying to dooo something of it's own deranged little way, you know?"
How does one claim that Howard the Duck was trying to do "something" and then claim that Joker had nothing going for it? I guess the same person who loved the totally about and doing "something" Captain Marvel and Black Panther. It's why he's Diabeeto, the One Foot Wonder, not the
film pop culture critic we need but the one we deserve.
P.S. My version of Vegas is very old and I'm not a professional like a certain someone we know claims. pls no buly abwot vidz pls
