Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[Gordon Cole]

Best part is that with Bob's appetite he could find all the toys at just one trip to McDonald's.

Who wants to bet that he won't touch the m-ilk or apple slices that come with happy meals?

 

[thismanlies]

You forgot this:
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I've said this before, but some jokes just write themselves with Bobbo.

Boston McDonald's worker here.

I knew the second I opened a box of Happy Meal toys and saw Mario's mustached face that trouble was heading my way. Well that trouble came today when I felt rhythmic steps shaking the ground. I knew right away it was Bob Chipman, one of my most loyal customers. Usually he'd just order twelve dollars worth of shit from the dollar menu and wash it down with a large diet coke that he'd refill three or four times every visit. But today, there was something gravely different about him. He came in wearing a pair of blue overalls, a red shirt, white gloves, the iconic Mario hat, and a fake dog fur mustache that he had superglued to his upper lip. I could tell many of the children in the restaurant were visibly upset at the sight and stench of this man. But still, I had a job to do. I asked him "How can I help you sir?"

Bob needed a minute to catch his breath after walking fifty feet from the parking lot. But he finally said the words I had been dreading. "Gimme eight ahv them Mario Happy Meals."

I rang him up for eight Happy Meals and gave him eight little cups as I informed him that I'd bring him his meal. He looked in disgust at the cups but he took them and proceeded to pull an empty table over to the soda machine. As I waited for the fry cooks to box up his meals and toys, I watched as he filled those little cups with diet coke only to down them like shots of whiskey. After a few minutes, the food was done.

No sooner had I set two trays stacked with Happy Meal boxes on his table did he tear into them like a starving pig being led to a trough for the first time in a week. I didn't even bother to tell him that the cardboard boxes they came in weren't edible. How could I when a dozen children were crying because they were witnessing a horror no child should ever have to see? My manager thought she could calm them down if she gave them free ice cream and a Mario toy.

What I saw next will haunt me for the rest of my days. Bob perked up at the sight of my manager handing out ice cream and toys. He squealed like a rabid boar as he charged her head on. The poor thing barely got out of the way in time as he snatched the toys and ice cream. He dove onto the ground and ate the ice cream. The man wasn't even using his hands. He just stuck his face in the semi-melted mess and wolfed it all down. Then he latched onto the toys as if he had just found the Holy Grail. He ripped them open one by one and began playing with them in the middle of his ice cream mess. He babbled on about how Bowser had taken over Ice Cream Kingdom and Mario had to save the superior future.

Eventually he fell into a diabetic coma and we were able to call a tow truck with a wench to drag him out the door. But after that, I handed in my two weeks notice. I can handle belligerent customers and scrubbing shitty toilets for minimum wage. But picking up a half eaten Princess Peach toy covered in Bob's slobber was the final straw. I hope the people at McDonald's can get over the horrors they just saw. Because I sure can't.

 

[Replicant Sasquatch]

Boston McDonald's worker here.

I knew the second I opened a box of Happy Meal toys and saw Mario's mustached face that trouble was heading my way. Well that trouble came today when I felt rhythmic steps shaking the ground. I knew right away it was Bob Chipman, one of my most loyal customers. Usually he'd just order twelve dollars worth of shit from the dollar menu and wash it down with a large diet coke that he'd refill three or four times every visit. But today, there was something gravely different about him. He came in wearing a pair of blue overalls, a red shirt, white gloves, the iconic Mario hat, and a fake dog fur mustache that he had superglued to his upper lip. I could tell many of the children in the restaurant were visibly upset at the sight and stench of this man. But still, I had a job to do. I asked him "How can I help you sir?"

Bob needed a minute to catch his breath after walking fifty feet from the parking lot. But he finally said the words I had been dreading. "Gimme eight ahv them Mario Happy Meals."

I rang him up for eight Happy Meals and gave him eight little cups as I informed him that I'd bring him his meal. He looked in disgust at the cups but he took them and proceeded to pull an empty table over to the soda machine. As I waited for the fry cooks to box up his meals and toys, I watched as he filled those little cups with diet coke only to down them like shots of whiskey. After a few minutes, the food was done.

No sooner had I set two trays stacked with Happy Meal boxes on his table did he tear into them like a starving pig being led to a trough for the first time in a week. I didn't even bother to tell him that the cardboard boxes they came in weren't edible. How could I when a dozen children were crying because they were witnessing a horror no child should ever have to see? My manager thought she could calm them down if she gave them free ice cream and a Mario toy.

What I saw next will haunt me for the rest of my days. Bob perked up at the sight of my manager handing out ice cream and toys. He squealed like a rabid boar as he charged her head on. The poor thing barely got out of the way in time as he snatched the toys and ice cream. He dove onto the ground and ate the ice cream. The man wasn't even using his hands. He just stuck his face in the semi-melted mess and wolfed it all down. Then he latched onto the toys as if he had just found the Holy Grail. He ripped them open one by one and began playing with them in the middle of his ice cream mess. He babbled on about how Bowser had taken over Ice Cream Kingdom and Mario had to save the superior future.

Eventually he fell into a diabetic coma and we were able to call a tow truck with a wench to drag him out the door. But after that, I handed in my two weeks notice. I can handle belligerent customers and scrubbing shitty toilets for minimum wage. But picking up a half eaten Princess Peach toy covered in Bob's slobber was the final straw. I hope the people at McDonald's can get over the horrors they just saw. Because I sure can't.

Good story fam but I call bullshit. Everyone knows Bob can't walk.

 

[AnOminous]

Well, he is clueless of the science show sperging politics because he claimed "everything is political". So for him that's Tuesday, I guess.

Regarding abortion, I'm pro-choice. I can understand some of the pro-life people wanting to hold people responsible. In Spain, the far-left/pro-choice wants to have their abortions free and I think that's dumb. It could mean that more might fuck without condom because they could abort afterwards. But there's a limit of what the body can sustain from abortions. I would prefer your first is free, then subsequent may (at a discount if applicable) or may not be paid (depending on the medical or legal circumstances). But that's because I think everyone has the right to make one mistake.

That or after the first one, you get a free sterilization. Not forced, and I'd be being an edgelord if I advocated that, but perhaps the kind of people who have repeated abortions on the public dime just shouldn't be reproducing at all.

 

[MysteriousStranger]

That or after the first one, you get a free sterilization. Not forced, and I'd be being an edgelord if I advocated that, but perhaps the kind of people who have repeated abortions on the public dime just shouldn't be reproducing at all.

Who was the woman some years ago who was paying crack-heads $300 to get birth control implants? It was a slow-release hormone vial in the upper arm that lasted about three years. Completely reversible. Holy jesus god did they firehose LITERAL NAZI at that poor lady (the same people who advocate for unlimited abortion, go figure).

 

[TheImportantFart]

Boston McDonald's worker here.

I knew the second I opened a box of Happy Meal toys and saw Mario's mustached face that trouble was heading my way. Well that trouble came today when I felt rhythmic steps shaking the ground. I knew right away it was Bob Chipman, one of my most loyal customers. Usually he'd just order twelve dollars worth of shit from the dollar menu and wash it down with a large diet coke that he'd refill three or four times every visit. But today, there was something gravely different about him. He came in wearing a pair of blue overalls, a red shirt, white gloves, the iconic Mario hat, and a fake dog fur mustache that he had superglued to his upper lip. I could tell many of the children in the restaurant were visibly upset at the sight and stench of this man. But still, I had a job to do. I asked him "How can I help you sir?"

Bob needed a minute to catch his breath after walking fifty feet from the parking lot. But he finally said the words I had been dreading. "Gimme eight ahv them Mario Happy Meals."

I rang him up for eight Happy Meals and gave him eight little cups as I informed him that I'd bring him his meal. He looked in disgust at the cups but he took them and proceeded to pull an empty table over to the soda machine. As I waited for the fry cooks to box up his meals and toys, I watched as he filled those little cups with diet coke only to down them like shots of whiskey. After a few minutes, the food was done.

No sooner had I set two trays stacked with Happy Meal boxes on his table did he tear into them like a starving pig being led to a trough for the first time in a week. I didn't even bother to tell him that the cardboard boxes they came in weren't edible. How could I when a dozen children were crying because they were witnessing a horror no child should ever have to see? My manager thought she could calm them down if she gave them free ice cream and a Mario toy.

What I saw next will haunt me for the rest of my days. Bob perked up at the sight of my manager handing out ice cream and toys. He squealed like a rabid boar as he charged her head on. The poor thing barely got out of the way in time as he snatched the toys and ice cream. He dove onto the ground and ate the ice cream. The man wasn't even using his hands. He just stuck his face in the semi-melted mess and wolfed it all down. Then he latched onto the toys as if he had just found the Holy Grail. He ripped them open one by one and began playing with them in the middle of his ice cream mess. He babbled on about how Bowser had taken over Ice Cream Kingdom and Mario had to save the superior future.

Eventually he fell into a diabetic coma and we were able to call a tow truck with a wench to drag him out the door. But after that, I handed in my two weeks notice. I can handle belligerent customers and scrubbing shitty toilets for minimum wage. But picking up a half eaten Princess Peach toy covered in Bob's slobber was the final straw. I hope the people at McDonald's can get over the horrors they just saw. Because I sure can't.

And that crying child's name? Albert Einstein.

 

[Slowboat to China]

I believe that no matter your stance on abortion, we can all agree on one thing: Bob should shut the hell up about it. Sooner or later we're going to end up with Dr. Mario heroically stomping on Fetus-Goombas or something.

 

[Emperor Julian]

You can just buy the toys themselves. I think Bronies did that back when there were MLP Happy Meals.

Jesus christ that's pathetic if true.

 

[vertexwindi]

Jesus christ that's pathetic if true.

Why are you surprised

 

[HY 140]

Boston McDonald's worker here.

I knew the second I opened a box of Happy Meal toys and saw Mario's mustached face that trouble was heading my way. Well that trouble came today when I felt rhythmic steps shaking the ground. I knew right away it was Bob Chipman, one of my most loyal customers. Usually he'd just order twelve dollars worth of shit from the dollar menu and wash it down with a large diet coke that he'd refill three or four times every visit. But today, there was something gravely different about him. He came in wearing a pair of blue overalls, a red shirt, white gloves, the iconic Mario hat, and a fake dog fur mustache that he had superglued to his upper lip. I could tell many of the children in the restaurant were visibly upset at the sight and stench of this man. But still, I had a job to do. I asked him "How can I help you sir?"

Bob needed a minute to catch his breath after walking fifty feet from the parking lot. But he finally said the words I had been dreading. "Gimme eight ahv them Mario Happy Meals."

I rang him up for eight Happy Meals and gave him eight little cups as I informed him that I'd bring him his meal. He looked in disgust at the cups but he took them and proceeded to pull an empty table over to the soda machine. As I waited for the fry cooks to box up his meals and toys, I watched as he filled those little cups with diet coke only to down them like shots of whiskey. After a few minutes, the food was done.

No sooner had I set two trays stacked with Happy Meal boxes on his table did he tear into them like a starving pig being led to a trough for the first time in a week. I didn't even bother to tell him that the cardboard boxes they came in weren't edible. How could I when a dozen children were crying because they were witnessing a horror no child should ever have to see? My manager thought she could calm them down if she gave them free ice cream and a Mario toy.

What I saw next will haunt me for the rest of my days. Bob perked up at the sight of my manager handing out ice cream and toys. He squealed like a rabid boar as he charged her head on. The poor thing barely got out of the way in time as he snatched the toys and ice cream. He dove onto the ground and ate the ice cream. The man wasn't even using his hands. He just stuck his face in the semi-melted mess and wolfed it all down. Then he latched onto the toys as if he had just found the Holy Grail. He ripped them open one by one and began playing with them in the middle of his ice cream mess. He babbled on about how Bowser had taken over Ice Cream Kingdom and Mario had to save the superior future.

Eventually he fell into a diabetic coma and we were able to call a tow truck with a wench to drag him out the door. But after that, I handed in my two weeks notice. I can handle belligerent customers and scrubbing shitty toilets for minimum wage. But picking up a half eaten Princess Peach toy covered in Bob's slobber was the final straw. I hope the people at McDonald's can get over the horrors they just saw. Because I sure can't.

And then the whole Mcdonalds clapped

 

[Pointless Pedant]

Why are you surprised

He isn't. He's just saying it's pathetic.

 

[Bungleboy]

Imagine the most pathetic, worthless NEETsoc you possibly can.

That’s Bob.

Like, he’s almost exactly the same, he’s just leftwing instead of right.

He lives in a basement, incessantly complains about everything, casually wishes he could kill everyone who disagrees with him, and fully blames every bad thing in his life on some group of ‘others’.

If it wasn’t for all those middle american people everyone would realize what a genius Bob is and he could be the Secretary Of Good Opinions for a dictator

 

[MarineN*423543]

Good story fam but I call bullshit. Everyone knows Bob can't walk.

how does he go to McDonalds then?

 

[Replicant Sasquatch]

how does he go to McDonalds then?

Rascal scooter.

 

[Lensherr]

We're at 400 pages fam!
Let's see if we can reach 1000 by the end of the year.

 

[Jack Awful]

400 pages, huh. Finally approaching Bob's weight.

 

[Assorted Nuts]

I was gonna make some snappy remark, but I'm just amazed that even his thumbs are that fucking fat.

 

[Jack Awful]

View attachment 211409 View attachment 211410
I was gonna make some snappy remark, but I'm just amazed that even his thumbs are that fucking fat.

"Coulter having a speech is dangerous but the masked anarchist group carrying improvised weapons are fine and won't cause trouble."
Whatever you say, Bob.

 

[Oh Long Johnson]

Since 2016?

Nigger, please. Is that when you registered to vote as well?

 

[Gordon Cole]

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I was gonna make some snappy remark, but I'm just amazed that even his thumbs are that fucking fat.

Way to virtue signal hard Bob. You're so progressive, joining the ACLU only after the election.

EDIT: Also, did he join twice under "Bob" and "Robert"?

"Coulter having a speech is dangerous but the masked anarchist group carrying improvised weapons are fine and won't cause trouble."
Whatever you say, Bob.

"Your violent degenerates aren't a part of the superior future! Mine are, cause they dindu nuffin.

Punch Nazis." -Bob's probable response.