Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[BR55]

He doesn't. He likes the Marvel branding on the Punisher and that's the only reason he's interested. You can slap the Marvel Studios label on a diaper fetish gay porno and Bob would shout how it's the most brilliantly written thing to ever hit cinema, a true thinking man's film.

TFW thats not even hyperbole. Bob is the fanboy even other fanboys cringe at.

 

[cypocryphy]

He doesn't. He likes the Marvel branding on the Punisher and that's the only reason he's interested. You can slap the Marvel Studios label on a diaper fetish gay porno and Bob would shout how it's the most brilliantly written thing to ever hit cinema, a true thinking man's film.

And for even better reviews from Bob, put women and POC's in the cast.

 

[SoberBlitz]

Bob fixes/creates a live-action Super Mario Bros. film. He mentions a blog post that about his idea for a live-action Mario film that he wrote about three years ago, might be worth digging up. Also admits that he's been trying to figure out how to make a live-action Mario film work.

tl;dw: Bob tries self-depreciation, fails. Says we need a live-action Mario film because it will be different, doesn't want a animated film in the vein of a cheap cash-in. Mario Bros. have to be from Brooklyn, because that's Bob's truth, makes the most sense to him. Wants to see the Mario Bros. characters fleshed out, wants to keep things simple when it comes to adapting the video game mechanics to the screen. Wants more character development for Peach and Bowser.

 

[Gordon Cole]

Bob, stop looking at Tony Goldmark's feed.

And also, why do SJWs always have to ruin all the fun?

Bob fixes/creates a live-action Super Mario Bros. film. He mentions a blog post that about his idea for a live-action Mario film that he wrote about three years ago, might be worth digging up. Also admits that he's been trying to figure out how to make a live-action Mario film work.

tl;dw: Bob tries self-depreciation, fails. Says we need a live-action Mario film because it will be different, doesn't want a animated film in the vein of a cheap cash-in. Mario Bros. have to be from Brooklyn, because that's Bob's truth, makes the most sense to him. Wants to see the Mario Bros. characters fleshed out, wants to keep things simple when it comes to adapting the video game mechanics to the screen. Wants more character development for Peach and Bowser.

FIX MARIO'S BACKSTORY IMMEDIATELY, NINTENDO!!!

 

[Duncan Hills Coffee]

Bob fixes/creates a live-action Super Mario Bros. film. He mentions a blog post that about his idea for a live-action Mario film that he wrote about three years ago, might be worth digging up. Also admits that he's been trying to figure out how to make a live-action Mario film work.

tl;dw: Bob tries self-depreciation, fails. Says we need a live-action Mario film because it will be different, doesn't want a animated film in the vein of a cheap cash-in. Mario Bros. have to be from Brooklyn, because that's Bob's truth, makes the most sense to him. Wants to see the Mario Bros. characters fleshed out, wants to keep things simple when it comes to adapting the video game mechanics to the screen. Wants more character development for Peach and Bowser.

Bob's so weirdly obsessed with making a Mario movie, even though Mario's structure doesn't allow much leeway to make a decent Mario movie, at least not a theatrical release. Not to mention his ways to "fix" the movie are just wrong. Firstly Mario is a cartoony series, so it makes a lot more sense for it to be animated. I don't know where Bob gets this idea that it will look like a cheap cash-in; if anything Mario would look way better animated because it would look much more like the games that way and because a live-action one would look cheap.

And of course Bob wants Mario to be from Brooklyn and of course he wants the characters to be "fleshed out" and "developed" despite being paper thin in the games. Bob's got this autistic idea that the Mario series is somehow this richly defined world of developed characters despite the fact that the games are intentionally light on plot and do whatever the hell they want with the world. And even then he refuses to acknowledge that the series establishes Mario as being from the Mushroom Kingdom and not Brooklyn, because that's somehow a betrayal he refuses to let go.

 

[A Random]

Didn't he do this in text format last year?

 

[RockVolnutt]

FIX MARIO'S BACKSTORY IMMEDIATELY, NINTENDO!!!

Even if they did that, it wouldn't change the games that Bob's too stupid to understand. Yoshi's Island is about getting the Mario Bros back to the stork so they could be delivered to their parents who we have no clue where they live. It's :autism: any way you take it but how does one become too dumb for Mario plots?

Bob's so weirdly obsessed with making a Mario movie, even though Mario's structure doesn't allow much leeway to make a decent Mario movie, at least not a theatrical release. Not to mention his ways to "fix" the movie are just wrong. Firstly Mario is a cartoony series, so it makes a lot more sense for it to be animated. I don't know where Bob gets this idea that it will look like a cheap cash-in; if anything Mario would look way better animated because it would look much more like the games that way and because a live-action one would look cheap.

And of course Bob wants Mario to be from Brooklyn and of course he wants the characters to be "fleshed out" and "developed" despite being paper thin in the games. Bob's got this autistic idea that the Mario series is somehow this richly defined world of developed characters despite the fact that the games are intentionally light on plot and do whatever the hell they want with the world. And even then he refuses to acknowledge that the series establishes Mario as being from the Mushroom Kingdom and not Brooklyn, because that's somehow a betrayal he refuses to let go.

Maybe Bob's the type who thinks you only "made it" in life when someone at Hollywood shits out a film about what you did?

 

[vertexwindi]

Even if they did that, it wouldn't change the games that Bob's too stupid to understand. Yoshi's Island is about getting the Mario Bros back to the stork so they could be delivered to their parents who we have no clue where they live. It's :autism: any way you take it but how does one become too dumb for Mario plots?


Maybe Bob's the type who thinks you only "made it" in life when someone at Hollywood shits out a film about what you did?

It's not that he's too dumb to understand, it's that he refuses to accept what the games actually say instead of what a shitty 80s cash-in cartoon said.

Although the upcoming Super Mario Odyssey implies that, at the very least, Mario's been in a place similar to Boston at one point in his life. Not sure if that pleases the Bobbo though.

 

[A Random]

Funny, fatass hasn't touched his blog since January.

Anyway yeah, here's his movie idea from back then. With a few unnerving points to bring up without context.

A Shameless Exercise in What I Grudgingly Accept is Technically "Fan-Fiction"

"25 WORDS OR LESS" PITCH:
"LORD OF THE RINGS meets 21 JUMP STREET. Fantasy/adventure, but with relatable wisecracking modern buddies instead of British dwarves or whatever."

ELEVATOR PITCH:
"LORD OF THE RINGS meets 21 JUMP STREET by way of GHOSTBUSTERS. Epic fantasy-adventure but instead of solemn British elves or precocious children it's two wisecracking blue-collar schmoes from Brooklyn; so it's relateable and "now." Major sequel/spin-off potential with a near-limitless merchandising upside plus massive youth, crossover and nostalgia appeal, based on a proven brand that's already more established and widely-recognized worldwide (particularly in Asian markets) than most of the Marvel/Avengers characters were prior to their movies.

 

[His Dewliness]

I like that his last blog post was about writing several books so rather than keeping up the practice of writing down his thoughts and maybe using the blog as a sounding board for ideas he just stops posting altogether.

I'm also assuming that he's completely dropped the idea of writing more books since I've never seen him mention it outside of that one blog post and Bob is definitely the type to do a Wu and post "wowee all this writing a really interesting book sure does hurt your brain" type shit on twitter every now and again.

 

[Duncan Hills Coffee]

Funny, fatass hasn't touched his blog since January.

Anyway yeah, here's his movie idea from back then. With a few unnerving points to bring up without context.

Also from that article:

STORYLINE (SHORT VERSION):
Two Italian-American brothers, plumbers from Brooklyn, are accidentally transported to a fantasy world of magic and monsters. There, they discover that their "alien" physiology imbues them with superhuman strength, speed and the ability to draw strange magical powers from "common" local plants and food. A kingdom of humanoid Mushrooms welcomes them as would-be heroes whose strength could turn the tide in their war against an encroaching army of evil creatures, while the brothers just want to find a way home. But when the Kingdom's Princess is kidnapped, it's clear that only they can undertake the dangerous rescue mission; ultimately finding their new destiny as The Super Mario Brothers!

This sounds just like that John Carter movie. And would be just as shitty.

 

[RockVolnutt]

Imagine what the tone of that movie would be like.

 

[A Random]

So how different is it from his last video?

 

[The Great Chandler]

Make the tone, gritty realism, like all the other movies the cool kids watch.

Better work that cleft out!

 

[samuraicrack]

Imagine what the tone of that movie would be like.

mario will be played by the corpse of James Gandolfini

 

[nosemouth]

Did that faggot Chris Kluwe change his twitter handle to "Cassandra?" Is that...? What...? I can't even pretend to understand what that means.

 

[Chefbot]

Did that faggot Chris Kluwe change his twitter handle to "Cassandra?" Is that...? What...? I can't even pretend to understand what that means.

He was given the power of prophecy by Apollo, but he is cursed so no one will believe his predictions.

 

[Gordon Cole]

Funny, fatass hasn't touched his blog since January.

He switched over to another website.

He was given the power of prophecy by Apollo, but he is cursed so no one will believe his predictions.

He's exactly like Cassandra, except if he lied about football players diddling kids.

 

[Skelter Helter]

Because I am a masochist, I read the Blob's whole Mario movie document. It probably deserves a long, more in-depth takedown, but is it terrible. It's a weird combination of autistic faithfulness to the source material, weird tonal choices, and the most hackneyed clichés.

The worst moment is probably this:

Mario and Luigi engage the gigantic Bowser in battle, pummeling him until he lies still on the ever-unsure floor. The enemy defeated, they turn to leave with Peach and Yoshi... but Luigi looks back, noting that Bowser is "still moving." Mario nods grimly, tells Yoshi to escape with Peach. She doesn't understand why they need to "finish" Bowser - "It's an Italian thing," "It's a Brooklyn thing."

It's a cliché, it plays on an offensive ethnic stereotype (all Italians are murderous thug mobsters), and it's such an inappropriate tonal decision that, if this movie were actually made, the unintentional humor would be mocked for decades. It would be like a Wizard of Oz remake where the Wicked Witch of the West melting scene was replaced by the one from Full Metal Jacket where the Marines are all looking down at the writhing, mortally wounded sniper painfully hissing, "Shoot me." (Dorothy: "I'm not trying to run this squad. I'm just sayin' we can't leave her like this." Wicked Witch: "Melt... me... melt... me... melt me." Tin Man: "If you wanna waste her, go on, waste her.")

There's more. For a guy who actually does from time to time say some genuinely insightful things about film, this is amazingly terrible.

 

[RockVolnutt]

Because I am a masochist, I read the Blob's whole Mario movie document. It probably deserves a long, more in-depth takedown, but is it terrible. It's a weird combination of autistic faithfulness to the source material, weird tonal choices, and the most hackneyed clichés.

The worst moment is probably this:



It's a cliché, it plays on an offensive ethnic stereotype (all Italians are murderous thug mobsters), and it's such an inappropriate tonal decision that, if this movie were actually made, the unintentional humor would be mocked for decades. It would be like a Wizard of Oz remake where the Wicked Witch of the West melting scene was replaced by the one from Full Metal Jacket where the Marines are all looking down at the writhing, mortally wounded sniper painfully hissing, "Shoot me." (Dorothy: "I'm not trying to run this squad. I'm just sayin' we can't leave her like this." Wicked Witch: "Melt... me... melt... me... melt me." Tin Man: "If you wanna waste her, go on, waste her.")

There's more. For a guy who actually does from time to time say some genuinely insightful things about film, this is amazingly terrible.

Please do an in-depth look if you have the time. I'd love to see one.