Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

How will Bob react to seeing the Mario film?


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This is honestly a good question. It would be a phenomenal way for Bob to return to filmmaking just like the good old days, before that fucking gamer "gate" came around and scarred Bob with psychotic leftist thoughts and ruined his health with diabetes.

But lucky for him he has a niece, and a family who loves him. It's great to see Bob continues to get opportunities in life beyond his Twitter sperging.
Yeah, too bad he avoids those opportunities like they're radioactive. Remember when he was in Cancun and all the pictures were of him with his nose to his smartphone?
 
Yeah, too bad he avoids those opportunities like they're radioactive. Remember when he was in Cancun and all the pictures were of him with his nose to his smartphone?

Let's be fair. Maybe he was using the dollars to pesos conversion to locate a tailor he could pay enough to put his name on that fucking jacket he just unveiled
 
I love how Bob refuses to mention this site.
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Amazon Fire sperging.
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I love how Bob refuses to mention this site.
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Amazon Fire sperging.
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Drunken cooking-sperging: Bob, I cook a lot. At least twice a day. I have marinated many chickens in my time. I have never heard of anyone marinating chicken in Mountain Dew, or any soda really. I doubt it would be any good, most marinades have salt in order to boost the moisture in the meat. But it could be good, I haven't personally tried it.

But if the Mountain Dew was just a quick and easy shortcut like you claim, why marinate for three days??? If you have three days, you have the ten minutes it takes to prepare a salt and water brine.

And why marinate for three days any way? I doubt the flavour gain would be noticable after 36 hours or so.

And even if that marinade is the most amazing thing ever and a salt+water brine pales in comparison, LOOK AT THAT CHARR!! You obviously cooked the chicken on way too high a temperature, or left it in the oven too long.

So to summarize: Even if your Mountain Dew marinade was any good (I doubt it), you burned your chicken and I'm willing to bet it was dry as chalk.
 
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Drunken cooking-sperging: Bob, I cook a lot. At least twice a day. I have marinated many chickens in my time. I have never heard of anyone marinating chicken in Mountain Dew, or any soda really. I doubt it would be any good, most marinades have salt in order to boost the moisture in the meat. But it could be good, I haven't personally tried it.

But if the Mountain Dew was just a quick and easy shortcut like you claim, why marinate for three days??? If you have three days, you have the ten minutes it takes to prepare a salt and water brine.

And why marinate for three days any way? I doubt the flavour gain would be noticable after 36 hours or so.

And even if that marinade is the most amazing thing ever and a salt+water brine pales in comparison, LOOK AT THAT CHARR!! You obviously cooked the chicken on way too high a temperature, or left it in the oven too long.

So to summarize: Even if you Mountain Dew marinade was any good (I doubt it), you burned your chicken and I'm willing to bet it was dry as chalk.

The theory behind the "delicacy" starts at a non completely retarded place. Lemon chicken is tasty, so let's marinate with citrus. We go off the rails when Bob decides the best and most efficient way to get the necessary quantities of citrus is by sacrificing two liters of his precious mountain dew. Also consider that chicken is not a tough meat, so the acids in a citrus soda are not necessary to break down any tissues like, say, a skirt or flank steak. Three fucking days in an acid and sugar bath for an already tender meat? And that much fuckin sugar? Don't you want your meat to taste like meat?

My suspicion is that a good portion of the charring is burnt soda sugars, which should make the dish extra disgusting.

The superior future is being too fucking lazy to puree some fruit.
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Stink ditch follower has the same taste in food as blob
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Lying about not caring that much
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O B S O L E T E
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Fruit juice and sugar to BRINE?

For fuck's sake Bob do you know what any of the words you use mean?

Edit:

Also, stink ditch follower is a fucking moron. Applying large quantities of sugar to meat prior to cooking is a great way to burn the outside to a blackened crisp before the inside is cooked to be consumable. There is a reason real barbecue is mostly done by applying the sugary sauce at the end of the cooking process
 
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The theory behind the "delicacy" starts at a non completely exceptional place. Lemon chicken is tasty, so let's marinate with citrus. We go off the rails when Bob decides the best and most efficient way to get the necessary quantities of citrus is by sacrificing two liters of his precious mountain dew. Also consider that chicken is not a tough meat, so the acids in a citrus soda are not necessary to break down any tissues like, say, a skirt or flank steak. Three fucking days in an acid and sugar bath for an already tender meat? And that much fuckin sugar? Don't you want your meat to taste like meat?

My suspicion is that a good portion of the charring is burnt soda sugars, which should make the dish extra disgusting.



Fruit juice and sugar to BRINE?

For fuck's sake Bob do you know what any of the words you use mean?

Edit:

Also, stink ditch follower is a fucking moron. Applying large quantities of sugar to meat prior to cooking is a great way to burn the outside to a blackened crisp before the inside is cooked to be consumable. There is a reason real barbecue is mostly done by applying the sugary sauce at the end of the cooking process
Lemme guess, Bob forgot the SALT part of brine. Someone should tell Blob it's not a brine without salt; then it's just a marinade.

A brine with equal parts sugar and salt dissolved in the water will work without the meat getting burnt unless you deliberately overcook it. Meat that's been brined is generally patted dry before cooking anyway, removing any excesses. The whole purpose of brine is to use osmosis to add moisture (water) to the meat while seasoning it. If acid is added to any brine with chicken in it, it might tenderize a little but it's generally not a good idea to add very much if any at all, and certainly not for three days. Unless it's an old stewing hen, any acid would be a tiny amount for flavor, not tenderizing, anyway.

I've heard of people marinating or cooking meat with Coca-Cola, but not Mountain Don't. Bob's no Gordon Ramsay.
 
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Lemme guess, Bob forgot the SALT part of brine. Someone should tell Blob it's not a brine without salt; then it's just a marinade.

A brine with equal parts sugar and salt dissolved in the water will work without the meat getting burnt unless you deliberately overcook it. Meat that's been brined is generally patted dry before cooking anyway, removing any excesses. The whole purpose of brine is to use osmosis to add moisture (water) to the meat while seasoning it. If acid is added to any brine with chicken in it, it might tenderize a little but it's generally not a good idea to add very much if any at all, and certainly not for three days.

I've heard of people marinating or cooking meat with Coca-Cola, but not Mountain Don't. Bob's no Gordon Ramsay.

This is Bob. Do you think he took the time necessary to add salt to his Mountain Dew, let alone figure out how much he needs?
 
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This is Bob. Do you think he took the time necessary to add salt to his Mountain Dew, let alone figure out how much he needs?
heck, he couldn't even figure out to flip the bird over 1/2 to 2/3 the way through cooking time. I start out cooking a brined (and WIPED DRY, obviously bob skipped that step - it was probably still dripping in Mountain Don't when he put it in the pan) chicken or turkey on its front and let the back brown up real nice before loosely covering it with FOIL to prevent excess browning/burning, but I never have it looking charcoal black like that - then i flip it breast side up to finish cooking and put foil over loosely until maybe the last half hour of cooking for browning on that side. Yeah, i know this is Blob, whose palate is more shit than a cow's backside, to borrow a Gordon Ramsay-ism. If his family liked that chicken unironically, their palates are trash too. It probably tasted like trashy dry chicken wings from a place that does weird flavors of chicken wings.

Not even when our oven went crazy and refused to have any temperature lower than 550 did a turkey I was cooking end up looking like that a-bob-mination.

Never mind quantities of things, Bob doesn't know cooking times for shit, either. I bet he doesn't even own a meat thermometer. Good grief, were his parents such trash cooks that Bob couldn't learn any better?
 
Lemon chicken is tasty, so let's marinate with citrus
If you marinate chicken for more than 4 hours in citrus, you've got yourself pollo ceviche.
I've heard of people marinating or cooking meat with Coca-Cola, but not Mountain Don't. Bob's no Gordon Ramsay.
Yeah, I tried a carnitas recipe using coke as a braising liquid. Another one with milk, which was shockingly good.

Turning a whole bird into some neckbeard pollo ceviche nightmare with Mountain Dew is right out, however.
 
If you marinate chicken for more than 4 hours in citrus, you've got yourself pollo ceviche.

Yeah, I tried a carnitas recipe using coke as a braising liquid. Another one with tard cum, which was shockingly good.

Turning a whole bird into some neckbeard pollo ceviche nightmare with Mountain Dew is right out, however.

Braising with a sweet sauce is a very different thing than what Bob has done, or a coke marinade which is then cooked. The Japanese do it wonderfully as "nitsuke"

Does the citrus work on chicken the way it does fish? Is a ceviche possible for terrestrial meats? Not a challenge, genuine curiosity. It's the first time I've heard of this as even a possibility
 
Does the citrus work on chicken the way it does fish? Is a ceviche possible for terrestrial meats? Not a challenge, genuine curiosity. It's the first time I've heard of this as even a possibility
Tartare is the primary non-vomit inducing example.

Chicken, you'd be lucky to escape with a 12 hour toilet session.
 
Braising with a sweet sauce is a very different thing than what Bob has done, or a coke marinade which is then cooked. The Japanese do it wonderfully as "nitsuke"

Does the citrus work on chicken the way it does fish? Is a ceviche possible for terrestrial meats? Not a challenge, genuine curiosity. It's the first time I've heard of this as even a possibility
you will end up doing to chicken kinda like what happens with fish with acid, BUT you'll never kill the salmonella that way. Chicken ceviche would end up killing someone.

Nobody would do it with pork because of trick-er-tritus (trichinosis), and nobody would do it with beef because beef tartare is just fine on its own.
 
you will end up doing to chicken kinda like what happens with fish with acid, BUT you'll never kill the salmonella that way. Chicken ceviche would end up killing someone.

Nobody would do it with pork because of trick-er-tritus (trichinosis), and nobody would do it with beef because beef tartare is just fine on its own.

Permanent residents who started life in Japan have told me that over there, chicken sashimi is possible because every chicken is given a salmonella injection while alive. I don't know how much of that I believe, however
 
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