Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[Pokemonquistador2]

Ladies and gentlemen, this Christmas evening, I present to you:

THE UNICOOMER

..."Chipman then moved to a remote arcade in BAHSTAN where he lived as a recluse while learning survival skills in an attempt to beat Super Mario Bros. 3 one-handed while fapping to naked pictures of Captain Lou Albano. He witnessed the destruction of the neighborood surrounding his arcade and concluded that perpetually living in the early 1980s was untenable; he began his cooming campaign in 2008. In 2015, he sent a letter to The New York Times and promised to "desist from coomerism" if The Times or The Washington Post published his essay, The Eternal Goobergrapers, in which he argued that his coomings were extreme but necessary to attract attention to the erosion of human freedom and dignity by flyover mayonnaise ghouls voting for the Bad Orange Man."

 

[Marissa Moira]

Oh and Bob would totally be for the cult, he'd sacrifice his own family for his "earned future"

If Bob was black and living in Africa during the 1600's he'd be selling off every single possible family member to slavers in exchange for wealth.

Culturally most african countries have never valued human life because there's a bazillion things that could kill you in africa. So they really saw no problem with slavery especially when you could exchange people for foreign goods and gold. They were just probably going to die anyway to some animal, better they benefit you today by being exchanged for resources. After that better spend that money you got right away because who knows? You might get killed tomorrow by something.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

Ladies, he’s single.

 

[Doctor Placebo]

Bobby emerged again from his brother's basement:
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I know they're his niece's, but that row of little girl dolls on the shelf in the background in the first picture give it a really creepy vibe, and Robert's off kilter, downright psychotic looking stare in the one where he's wearing the red polo certainly doesn't help.

 

[Shield Breaker]

Bobby emerged again from his brother's basement:
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They were at the JFK Library:
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+ + + +
Bobby got a heads-up from a troon, orbiter of Rat Kings Zach Antolek and Rhys McKinnon (and Zach himself is an orbitor of Bobby)
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Don't know if ironic.

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Incidentally this seems to be a belief among Disney-Star Wars stans that, if Return of the Jedi were released today, fans of the first two films would have torn it apart like they do to the films with Rey the Mary Sue. I'll leave it to Star War experts.

They pulled the same argument with TLJ, and tried to say that everyone hated ESB when it first came out.

 

[Adamska]

Bobby emerged again from his brother's basement:
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They were at the JFK Library:
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+ + + +
Bobby got a heads-up from a troon, orbiter of Rat Kings Zach Antolek and Rhys McKinnon (and Zach himself is an orbitor of Bobby)
View attachment 1067651

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Don't know if ironic.

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Incidentally this seems to be a belief among Disney-Star Wars stans that, if Return of the Jedi were released today, fans of the first two films would have torn it apart like they do to the films with Rey the Mary Sue. I'll leave it to Star War experts.

Oh, Return would be seen as not as good as the first two, also wouldn't be shocked if there was Ewok hate, but we like we did historically would almost certainly love Luke and Vader's arc in it. Also Jabba's palace scenes and the intro would be well liked. Probably would put it at about a three out of four stars or something for a pretty damn satisfying ending and solid film in general... Barring a slightly weak middle.

It's called making a good movie. It's only hard if you're a narcissistic back with not talent or feedbackophobic and controlling corporations. So modern Hollywood.

 

[Gaylord Brachiosaurus]

Bobby emerged again from his brother's basement:
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They were at the JFK Library:
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+ + + +
Bobby got a heads-up from a troon, orbiter of Rat Kings Zach Antolek and Rhys McKinnon (and Zach himself is an orbitor of Bobby)
View attachment 1067651

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Don't know if ironic.

View attachment 1067672
Incidentally this seems to be a belief among Disney-Star Wars stans that, if Return of the Jedi were released today, fans of the first two films would have torn it apart like they do to the films with Rey the Mary Sue. I'll leave it to Star War experts.

Bob looks super fucking special needs in these pics for some reason. I think it's the spaced out look and the juxtaposition with Chris. They're both massive units though.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

Bobby emerged again from his brother's basement:
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They were at the JFK Library:
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+ + + +
Bobby got a heads-up from a troon, orbiter of Rat Kings Zach Antolek and Rhys McKinnon (and Zach himself is an orbitor of Bobby)
View attachment 1067651

View attachment 1067654
Don't know if ironic.

View attachment 1067672
Incidentally this seems to be a belief among Disney-Star Wars stans that, if Return of the Jedi were released today, fans of the first two films would have torn it apart like they do to the films with Rey the Mary Sue. I'll leave it to Star War experts.

If Return was released in 2018, assuming nothing else in the Star Wars release schedule was changed, the prequels would've been released over a decade earlier, answering every objection that they have. Return would've been seen as a logical conclusion to the entire series.
As opposed to Disney's Star Warts Wars, which dedicates itself to systematically tearing down the previous six movies simply so Ma-Rey Sue can swoop in and be a stronk woman and save the day.

 

[ScottSteiner]

Bobby emerged again from his brother's basement:
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They were at the JFK Library:
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+ + + +
Bobby got a heads-up from a troon, orbiter of Rat Kings Zach Antolek and Rhys McKinnon (and Zach himself is an orbitor of Bobby)
View attachment 1067651

View attachment 1067654
Don't know if ironic.

View attachment 1067672
Incidentally this seems to be a belief among Disney-Star Wars stans that, if Return of the Jedi were released today, fans of the first two films would have torn it apart like they do to the films with Rey the Mary Sue. I'll leave it to Star War experts.

That is such disingenuous shite, that I can’t believe anyone could actually think it. The difference between not knowing Big Sheev’s and Snoke’s backstory is context. See, in the OT we didn’t have much context for how the Empire started or anything like that, but there is an Empire so it’s safe to assume there would be an Emperor. However, the ST is a sequel, to events we have seen, so we expect some context. Where did Snoke come from? Where was he when the Empire was a thing? Did the Emperor know about him? Why couldn’t Luke sense him?

At the time of TLJ releasing, none of this had any answers.
If you’re going to build upon previous works, your shit has to fit and make sense with them. TLJ didn’t, TFA didn’t really either, but it was way less baffling and wrong. Fuck off pretending like fans don’t have very valid questions about the state of the Galaxy.

 

[Red Hood]

Ladies, he’s single.
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If Dennis Nedry buttfucked Curly Howard...

 

[cypocryphy]

Do Bob and his brother own nothing but "geek" shirts? lol

 

[BScCollateral]

Return of the Jedi is, I think, where the series started to go off the rails. The Luke / Vader / Emperor scenes are what really redeem it, and I think that without those it would have been a net failure instead of worst of three.

That was pretty much fan consensus at the time, IIRC.

 

[Clark Kent]

Yeah, I recall people liked ROTJ, but the Ewoks were rightly mocked (not as intensely, because Things Were Different Back Then). The phrase "Teddy Bear Vietnam Bullshit," coined by one of the older neighborhood kids back in the late '80s/early '90s, was burned into my memory. Everyone liked the throne room and Death Star II battle scenes, and the Jabba's palace scenes had moments people enjoyed despite some comments on how dumb that whole "plan" became under any scrutiny. Then there were two Ewok TV-movies narrated by Wilford Brimley that everyone ignored. If ROTJ were released now it'd be seen as the-not-as-good-as-the-others-but-still-satisfying-one. Like the Marvel movies that aren't your favorites but you still enjoyed.

 

[saralovesjuicyfruit]

Bob looks super fucking special needs in these pics for some reason. I think it's the spaced out look and the juxtaposition with Chris. They're both massive units though.

Yeah he’s got the blank, dead-eye autism stare.



POV: you foggily wake up in an unfamiliar place. You try to move but instantly realize your hands and feet are bound. These two men are staring down at you. They say,”good morning, m’lady. how did you sleep?”

 

[Emperor Julian]

Jokes aside Bobs interactions with his brother are clearly quite healthy and warm. It's actually a positive to see him mingling with someone he's clearly emotionally close to at christmas.

Jabba's palace scenes had moments people enjoyed despite some comments on how dumb that whole "plan" became under any scrutiny.

I got the impression Luke was trying to indulge his Jabbas cartel, The fight scene at the Sarlac pitt makes it pretty clear a bunch of Gang bangers are no real match for a fully realized Jedi knight much less a mega-force user like luke but he really didnt want to slaughter his way through 100+ sapient beings unless he had no other choice. He was obviously growing annoyed by Jabbas delusions and he had other things to do. He pretty much spells is out just before he kills everyone. You could even argue Luke was testing the limits of what he could and could not do.

Return was the weakest of the origionals but was still a fine movie, furthermore it integrated into the previous two to form a coherant trilogy. something the new films totally fail at.

 

[Jetpack Himmler]

Ladies, he’s single.
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Why do I feel like I looked inside the Ark of the Covenant?

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

Ladies, he’s single.
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I didn't know Mr. Clean reviewed movies!

 

[Oh Long Johnson]

I would like to congratulate the Chipmans on finally wearing freshly laundered shirts and not the gaping neckhole abominations they are usually sporting.

A Christmas miracle.

 

[Quixotic Man]

I love Bob. Here he basically admits that his criteria for "Nazi" is "people who I personally dislike."

 

[Mola Ram]

I love Bob. Here he basically admits that his criteria for "Nazi" is "people who I personally dislike."

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I see Bob is celebrating the season of forgiveness and charity by being a bitter, hateful cunt like he is the rest of the year.