Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

How will Bob react to seeing the Mario film?

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Ah Robert, you had to go and thank and appreciate Lindsay's fake ass grovel, you simpleton cretin.

I wasn't expecting Robert to grow a spine and trouce Ellis dirty, he is too much of a bitch for that.

But this "high road" attitude, acting as if you are the adult in the room, when you know these people are mocking you behind you back, yeah, stay ever the simp bitch Robert.

Also "bad-faith weaponizers", go fuck yourself Robert, no one told you to go around Lindsay Ellis mentions posting photos of the two of you together in a creepy way to worm yourself into her list of friends. You created this situation out of your own stupidity, and now act as if the "bad-faith weaponizers" are the ones to blame.
 
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Bolo said:
Also "bad-faith weaponizers", go fuck yourself Robert, no one told you to go around Lindsay Ellis mentions posting photos of the two of you together in a creepy way to worm yourself into her list of friends. You created this situation out of your own stupidity, and now act as if the "bad-faith weaponizers" are the ones to blame.
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Because deep down either he knows nothing changed between him, and Ellis. Or the fact Ellis only apologized to use him as a scapegoat if she is accepted back into the progressive circle hasn't dawned upon him. Either way, he still dumb enough to fall for it. Line, hook, and sinker.

I actually feel bad for him for once. He is set up to be sacrificed, and he won't realize it until it's too late. He can enjoy this illusion of victory all he wants. The stone of sacrifice is already being set up for him.
 
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Regarding his Sonic movie frustration, I think it's time to bring up an old classic.

HITTING THE WALL

Outside the gaming world itself, the cultural import of Mario and friends seemed to be waning. In 1991 a new cartoon based on “Super Mario World” came and went, and even my overly-forgiving eyes knew it was awful. Sonic had two series at the same time, both popular and one (running on Saturday mornings) that’s still remembered as one of the better cartoons of the 90s. Meanwhile, consoles were no longer exclusively driving the penetration of gaming franchises into the popular culture: arcades were in the beginning of what would be their last big hurrah, and mega-popular series like the aforementioned “Mortal Kombat” and “Street Fighter II” were enthralling the popular imagination. Video games had never been more visible outside of their original “niche”… but it was looking as though Mario might be slipping into the background – a bygone hero from a bygone age.

Unless, of course, he could be the one who conquered the one height of mainstream success that no other game hero had successfully surmounted: Hollywood.

In 1993 there was “Super Mario Bros: The Movie,” a live-action mess that barely resembled the games and that I prepared for with a zeal matching that for “The Wizard.” It was terrible - a generic 90s “junkyard scifi” dud in the mold of “Johnny Mnemonic” that failed so spectacularly at the box-office and so profoundly horrified Nintendo and Miyamoto that they are reputed to have turned down every American movie and TV offer since. These are things I know now, of course. When I first read an “official” confirmation of an honest-to-goodness Mario Movie in the pages of “Mario Mania” - an SMW strategy guide from Nintendo Power that included a 32-page character retrospective which I re-read often enough to qualify it as an unofficial precursor to this book – all I could feel was excitement. Finally!

That there would one day be a live-action Mario movie had been a dream and an inevitability as long as I could remember. He-Man had a movie. Superman and Batman both had movies. Hell, Teddy Ruxpin had a live-action movie! Great things got movies, Mario was the greatest thing, so Mario would get a movie, and I’d get to see the Mushroom Kingdom looking as grand and astonishing as I’d always imagined it. So when I read this official announcement from Nintendo Power—surely the only trustworthy source on such matters—I was elated not so much by discovery as by nearness: I was already waiting, and now my wait was almost over.

These were the days before the Internet, and thus there was no way for me to access any further news about The Most Important Movie Of All Time other than “it’s being made” in between first hearing about it and glimpsing the first trailers and stills over a year later. But that was okay. I knew Mario, and I’d grown up in the golden age of fantasy movies, so I knew what this movie of my dreams had to look like: a sprawling, colorful Mushroom Kingdom; Bowser’s Domain, all fire and brimstone; Mario and Luigi in their overalls and caps, charging through forests and tundra fighting live-action versions of the classic enemies; a beautiful flesh-and-blood Princess Toadstool (it would be another few years before Americans knew her real name was “Peach”); Toad… probably some kind of Jim Henson creation, or perhaps a little person in prosthetic makeup?

My mind was alive, at all times, wondering what form the characters, creatures and locations would take when finally rendered in the flesh. I couldn’t wait to see what kind of animatronic effects were going to be employed to create the Troopas – would they be animalistic, stomping around on all fours like in SMB1 and 3? Or upright-walking like in SMW? That second option might be best, I thought at the time. Upright-walking turtles had worked in the “Ninja Turtles” movies, and would be big for fight scenes. What about the power-ups? Obviously, the SMB3 super-suits wouldn’t be in the first movie; but surely they’d need to use Fire Flowers. Would Fire Mario be white and red like SMB1 and “World,” or the orange scheme from SMB3?

If only I knew…

It took over a year to see or hear anything else from it, and every tiny scrap of information that could be gleaned was less promising than the last… and only served to push me to further denial: the Mushroom Kingdom (or was it something else now?) was going to look like a modern city? Bowser/Koopa was just going to look like a human? No Troopas? The Goombas were big guys with tiny heads for some reason? Luigi with no mustache? Granted, these were the days before 2012’s “The Avengers,” where you had no reason to expect an adaptation of something like Super Mario Bros to look anywhere near close to its source… but this was ridiculous.

“No!” I’d tell myself. “It’ll work. It’ll be good. They have to change some things to make them work with real actors. This is the Mario Movie, and the Mario Movie will be great because it deserves to be – why would they make it if they didn’t understand that?” I read everything I could about it, which in those days meant magazine articles that recycled the same handful of publicity stills and self-serving quotes from the filmmakers. I convinced myself, in spite of the natural inclination toward skepticism that infused every other aspect of my life, that this was going to work. That in spite of all the revisions (was it really that different from the Koopalings having different names in the SMB3 cartoon ?) this version of Mario would simply be epic and awesome… just in a different way.

It had to be. It just had to be. That’s what I told myself as a friend and I headed in to watch it opening weekend… somehow managing to not register that neither the celebratory atmosphere that had surrounded “The Wizard” nor the large crowds for the same were decidedly not present. How could I notice anyone or anything else in the world that day? I was going to see the Mario Movie!

I was going to see “Super Mario Bros: The Movie!”

The film more-or-less follows the “lore” as it was generally understood at the time, with the details altered to make it A) filmable on a budget and B) able to ride the coattails of the dinosaur-phenomenon kicked off by “Jurassic Park.” Mario and Luigi are still plumbers from Brooklyn, but the Mushroom Kingdom is replaced by “Dinohattan,” a post-apocalyptic-looking version of NYC inhabited by the humanoid descendants of dinosaurs zapped there by the meteor that supposedly wiped the species out on Earth.

Bob Hoskins, respected British actor best known to Americans for “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?,” was Mario (and does a reasonably decent job of it), while then mostly-unknown (outside of the NY underground comedy circuit) John Leguizamo was Luigi. Samantha Mathis was Princess Daisy (named for the female protagonist of the “Mario Land” titles on the Game Boy), a Brooklyn archaeology student who turns out to be the exiled ruler of Dinohattan, and Dennis Hopper was “President” Koopa, who’s supposed to be an evolved T-Rex but doesn’t look like one until a few seconds at the very end.

It’s a horrible, horrible movie—stage bound, badly-acted, nonsensical, and cheap-looking even for 1993. Years later, it’d come out that the production was so badly managed that the actors threw out their scripts and everything just started getting worked out as they went. Hoskins and Leguizamo would go on to publicly trash the film, which bombed at the box-office, and it felt like Mathis’ career never fully recovered—as of this writing, she most recently featured in the box-office dud “Atlas Shrugged: Part II.”

Naturally, I convinced myself that it was good.

Not only good, but great. I reviewed it, positively, in much greater detail and to much more positivity than it deserved for the school paper. I zeroed-in on the good stuff: they (eventually) wore the right colors! Live-action Yoshi! That dinosaur-humanoid evolution business was kind of interesting... wasn’t it?? There was a Bob-Omb! The ending promised a sequel, but I didn’t wait around: I made my own (animated via D-Paint on my old Amiga), imagining how the plots of SMB2 and SMB3 might be adapted into the movie’s universe.

I needed it to be good, because I needed Mario to be as big and meaningful a movie franchise as he’d been in gaming. Getting a “The Movie” was forever, it meant that the character and the story mattered beyond being some brief fad. Mario was not a Pet Rock, damn it - he was my friend, the thing that was getting me through the misery of pre-adolescence. I needed him to matter so that the time and energy I’d invested into him mattered.

But the film was a flop; a bad movie that died a quick box-office death and heralded a run of awful video-game based movies (“Double Dragon,” “Street Fighter,” etc.) of which the so-so “Mortal Kombat” was the only thing close to successful (financially, anyway). The movies (and movie audiences) had spoken: video games—even Mario—weren’t ready for the big leagues... and eventually even I had to admit it.

It was a harbinger. Things were changing… and not in a good way.
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Basically, Bob NEEDS Mario to be a successful live action movie franchise made by Hollywood both to redeem the failure that was the 1993 movie and the nearly 30 year space of failures, and if people like the Sonic movie, well, they are liking a BAD movie that has nothing to do with Mario, and also was liked by MAGA chuds, so shame on them.

Nevermind that MAGA chuds would probably like a good Mario movie because, you know, "good [...] movie". Bob is a moron, so he doesn't think his stupid ideas through. That's how we got "Care Bears do Paradise Lost" and "Terminator: Heroic Skynet Edition". And his version of Captain Planet.
 
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A take spotted on Twitter about the Lindsey Ellis and MovieBob situtation:
Movie Bob Take.png
 
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Quixotic Man said:
Can someone tell me what happened? Did she forgive Moviebob in her newest video? I am not watching two hours of her head talking.
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She sort of apologized -- while repeating that he was behaving creepily and they are not friends -- and said she wouldn't have done it if she had known the "diet Nazis" would turn it into a meme. (No, I don't know what a diet Nazi is, although I don't think it's related to weight loss.) "Please stop using my picture to go after this man."
 
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Quixotic Man said:
Can someone tell me what happened? Did she forgive Moviebob in her newest video? I am not watching two hours of her head talking.
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There's a clip of it in the Ellis thread, basically she said she regrets making the tweet but still thinks he's a creep and implies she was for the 'attacks' because she also disagrees with him.

Obviously all Bob heard was "I owe Moviebob an apology."
 
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Mola Ram said:
She sort of apologized -- while repeating that he was behaving creepily and they are not friends -- and said she wouldn't have done it if she had known the "diet Nazis" would turn it into a meme. (No, I don't know what a diet Nazi is, although I don't think it's related to weight loss.) "Please stop using my picture to go after this man."
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Oh, we would be diet Nazis. The people who make fun of Bob's diet of mountain dew chicken and garbage mac and cheese, not to forget duct tape and hot sauce chicken
 
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Mr. Duck said:
For those who don't want to torture themselves with Lindsay's video, here's the relevant part.

View attachment 2091181
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This is simply stunning. She still feels he's guilty of being a creep, but she apologizes because people she doesn't like are making fun of him for it. Jesus H. Christ, just cut the dead weight loose. You don't need to feel sorry or pity this guy for political points.
 
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"It's appreciated," he says.

Motherfucker, the woman says you're a creep and finds your views abhorrent. She's apologizing for calling you out because she's tired of her face being used to dunk on you. That's the breadth of her apology.

Appreciate these nuts, fuckwit. God, what a fucking moron. Imagine your life being so meaningless that you count *this* as a victory.
 
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Tronathon242 said:
This is simply stunning. She still feels he's guilty of being a creep, but she apologizes because people she doesn't like are making fun of him for it. Jesus H. Christ, just cut the dead weight loose. You don't need to feel sorry or pity this guy for political points.
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It's the one thing I hate about the Left - how they're able to close ranks around their worst members just to own the people they hate. That there is a huge tell that they care more about achieving power and influence than they care about policing values or fighting hypocrisy.
 
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instythot said:
Oh, we would be diet Nazis. The people who make fun of Bob's diet of mountain dew chicken and garbage mac and cheese, not to forget duct tape and hot sauce chicken
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No, we're full on goose stepping homo murdering Nazis. A diet Nazi is somebody who once voted third party rather than Democrat.
 
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