- Joined
- Aug 3, 2017
THESE PEOPLE ARE SO PATHETIC! cries the attic gnome in drag that sits in his hovel all day REEEEEing & e-begging on Twitter, awaiting Chelsea to finally unburden him of his 40 years of virginity.
Secret Gamer Girl / SecretGamerGrrl / Googleshng / "Violet Hargrave" / Jacob Lawrence (Jake) Alley / Violet Cassandra Ocean - Delusional Zoe Quinn Stalker, Libelous Tweeter, Thirsty Gnome, Faux-Tranny Neckbeard Incel, Micropenis, "Known Troubled Person", Creator of "Massive vs the Masses", Self-Described "Noise Making Thing"; Lives in Niantic, CT
- Thread starter chimpburgers
- Start date
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2014
MovieBob ("Like Kurosawa...") retweets Jake's gloating. Incidentally he is one of Jake's Patreon paypigs.
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2014
I feel like you could do a great black comedy about a guy who takes everything Jake says at face value and decides to win yon buxom wench’s love by shooting up Google HQ.
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2016
It wouldn't be called Taxi Driver, they all hate him.
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2015
What are the odds that Chocolate Chipman donates to Jake because he thinks he's a shapely young lass?
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2017
I can imagine how the porno theater date would go:
*Jake logs into a hentai site*
"So, I know nothing about this stuff AT ALL because I'm totally asexual"
*Jake proceeds to give his date detailed play by plays for each sex scene*
*date walks out in disgust like Cybill Shepherd did*
"WAIT! I haven't gotten the chance to dictate every single episode of Kamen Rider to you!"
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2015
"Are you tagging me in with this tweet? Are you tagging me in with this tweet? Then who the hell else are you tagging in with this tweet? Are you tweeting at me? I'm the only one here..."
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2018
"one of my more recent traumas was some sort of ship in a bottle version of this"
"Transphobes have zero grip on reality?" asks local 40 year old man
"The hotness kicks in at like, whenever you transition+5 years"
"Transphobes have zero grip on reality?" asks local 40 year old man
"The hotness kicks in at like, whenever you transition+5 years"
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2016
It's honestly astonishing to see that this time he realized that four search results on google doesn't mean it has happened four times.
Two years into Jake's transition he updates the time table for becoming a smoking hot milf from 2 years to 5 years.
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2014
I can think of lots of things more traumatising than that. You’d think Jake could too, given that he’s pretended most of them have happened to him.
I love how he’s gone from “Hormones are a magic transformation potion!” to “You need to take them for a couple of months!” to “You morons, it takes five years for the magical transformation to take place!”
I feel like this rant is aimed more at himself than anyone else. Like, yeah, it’s totally going to happen! Definitely! Some time around the age of 43, whoosh, suddenly he’s Girl Ranma! And if not then, actually he said seven years, not five!
I wonder if he’ll ever grow out of this. If the realisation will ever set in that actually, it’s never going to happen, his spank bank lied to him and he’s always going to be a fat, bald man.
Jake stopped growing any way except horizontally at the age of 19 or so.
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2018
It also probably takes Violet extra time to absorb all the magic hormones through her excess double-thin girl skin.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
He accidentally let slip a little more than he intended there. I bet he really was sneaking around under a different name, like that person accused him of.
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2015
The fact that Jake, who was a horrifying pig-man and "transitioned" to a horrifying pig-cross-dresser, (well, on the rare occasion he interacts with the world outside his apartment) who will be bald, fat, and porcine-nosed for the rest of his life, can act like hormones are the sort of beautifying transformation-potion he fetishized in RPG is pure disingenuousness.
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2017
Jake's feverishly trying super hard to tie himself to this faked tranny suicide drama before the NPCs find a new outrage du jour to latch onto.
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2016
There was something in the logs about how he suddenly realizes it's not obvious that he is Secret Gamer Girl/SGG/SecretGamerGrrl.
Shipyard said:
At around 100MB of Ironhold there's also this, unformated because the file is huge.
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2016
How does he come up with this shit? It's incredible. Violet Ocean and her Ship in the Bottle Trauma : A Twitter Tale in 10829989089 parts.
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2015
Ship in a bottle....???
Hmm. A tiny, delicate, fragile, thing that you look at and wonder how was that made? It resembles a larger, functional piece, which is used by grown men to get shit done. "Ship in bottle", OTOH, is completely useless as anything other than a conversation piece. Plus you can play with it in the bathtub....but only with tweezers. And when your mom catches you touching it she gets mad.
Sounds like Jake alright.
Konstantin Romanov
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2019
Ehh, kinda smacks of Hitler Also Drank Water pattern seeking to me. "I lost because the other guy cheated" is pretty much the template for all political discussion since the invention of language and I hardly think it's fascist when siberians call muscovites both brutal pillagers and cucks. Seeking power naturally incentivizes you to portray others with power as illegitimate.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
I have a question. I've read this thread for years, and I have yet to read an entire Googleshng. Is there a single living human who has read one of Jake's word-vomit Googleshngs in its entirety? I generally bag out at the first or second Googleshng.
Does Jake get super assmad at the existence of the Girdle of Femininity/Masculinity in the original AD&D, or does he wish he had one?