Share your fake facts! - Be creative, damn it.

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eDove

eDove

Coo coo
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Dec 29, 2020
What're some fun facts that sound real/tangible, but you totally made them up? For example: Nazis invented the first artificial spread.

This "fact" is completely retarded logistically, but it's so harmless that a few idiots might just blindly believe it (misinfo about Nazis tends to be taken as fact also).

To make things easier, pretend you have a button-up shirt, a microphone, camera crew, and you're touring a college campus to tell students about these "facts" you've come up with. They don't have to be political, just believable enough that a dumb twenty-something would fall for it.
 
Cheez-It crackers have a hole in the middle because originally they were designed to be put on a string and fed to birds. People liked them so much they rebranded as crackers.

Banks are called banks because in ancient times one person in the tribe would be responsible for its wealth, and they would bury it on the banks of a river.

Ireland was originally colonized by Moorish troops of the Roman Empire, but the cold weather made them lose their melanin, but global warming is showing that Irish people are actually black as the increase in UV rays from a depleted ozone layer is causing more and more melanin production. It's where the term "Black Irish" came from.

Kids chewing on the end of #2 pencils and accidentally eating the lead is why so many people from previous generations suffered lead poisoning and the reduction of IQ.

You can pour energy drinks containing taurine on dog food to feed your cat in an emergency.
 
The condom was invented by The Welsh by using a sheep's intestine. The English later improved on the idea by first taking it out of the sheep.
 
The cells that form the taste buds of your tongue are the same ones found on the linen of the anus. Studies show that some people are able to "taste" the food given to them through anal probes.
 
Every year, around 100 Americans die from injuries caused by misuse of toilet paper.
 
In uzbekistan it is illegal to look directly at the sun without a license.

Despite being called 'the simpsons' there are actually no characters in the hit animated sitcom who go by that name.
 
The dishwasher was invented by an Islamic man who felt that women were too unclean to wash dishes.

Tampons were first invented by black people in early 1800's when escaping female slaves would shove rolled cotton into their vaginas to keep dogs from tracking the scent of period blood.

Follow WW2 the American military fed the Japanese soy based food to decrease their aggression, leading to today's population problems.

Timothy McVeigh learned how to make truck bombs, ironically enough, from the same ATF agent who took pictures of himself with dead children at Waco, the very thing McVeigh was 'getting revenge for.'

Obama refused to let Biden near his children during his entire time in the White House.

Bush Sr. threatened to have Dick Cheney murdered by CIA operatives if he tried to oust Bush Jr in 2002.

When it was discovered how fast black stenograph pool workers could type, keyboards were modified to actually slow them down.

In 2018 it was revealed that hypno sissy porn cites were funded by the FBI in order to track child molestors.
 
The peculiar wording of a 16th century London bylaw theoretically allows freemen of the city to graze a flock of geese anywhere on the internet, were there a mechanism through which such an occurrence could take place.

A freeman of London could graze their geese right here on Kiwi Farms and Null wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it, apart from cope, seethe and dilate.
 
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