Single-father Homes

[Dave.]

So I've heard of single-mother homes and what usually happens to children as a result of not having a fatherly figure in the household which disproportionately effects the black communities and sometimes white communities leading to bug men and cuckoldery or in some extreme cases they join up with gangs, but what are the consequences or the results of a single father household? Without a motherly figure I would think a child would develop sociopathy or mass murdering tendencies. It wouldn't surprise me if they started developing "emo" tendencies as well and rock out to linkin park or MCR or etc.

 

[Skitarii]

People always think abusive = deadbeat and automatically assume that if a dad sticks around, they're automatically a good parent, but this isn't the case. Still, single father homes don't suffer from the same level of gaslighting or emotional abuse that single mother homes suffer from, and the chances of children turning out better are much higher

 

[Dave.]

People always think abusive = deadbeat and automatically assume that if a dad sticks around, they're automatically a good parent, but this isn't the case. Still, single father homes don't suffer from the same level of gaslighting or emotional abuse that single mother homes suffer from, and the chances of children turning out better are much higher

Yes and no, but I feel like there would be psychological imbalances that would come from not having a motherly figure to balance out the nuclear family dynamic. Without an empathetic voice that mothers have, I feel like children would develop anti-social personality disorders or start dabbling in bullying because they lack affection that fathers can't reasonably give that mothers usually do.

 

[Exigent Circumcisions]

Yes and no, but I feel like there would be psychological imbalances that would come from not having a motherly figure to balance out the nuclear family dynamic. Without an empathetic voice that mothers have, I feel like children would develop anti-social personality disorders or start dabbling in bullying because they lack affection that fathers can't reasonably give that mothers usually do.

People need guidance more than they need their bellies rubbed. You're also falling for the "only women have empathy" meme. I'm plenty empathetic to my kid's feelings and I try to indulge them when possible, but not at the cost of family harmony and discipline.

 

[Dave.]

People need guidance more than they need their bellies rubbed. You're also falling for the "only women have empathy" meme. I'm plenty empathetic to my kid's feelings and I try to indulge them when possible, but not at the cost of family harmony and discipline.

I'm not saying that men can't feel empathy, I'm saying that there's a certain method woman use to distribute that empathy that men, speaking from personal experience as a man, may have difficulties doing. I'm not arguing single-mother households are right or that single-father households don't work, I'm wondering if there's any repercussions involved with not having a motherly figure in the house because nobody ever talks about it or if there's any developmental issues children would have with not having a motherly figure in the household like single-mother households typically have.

EDIT: Okay I worded that last post above utterly wrong. Sorry if I unintentionally conveyed that men can't feel empathy there lol.

 

[grimacefetishist]

Single father homes are generally because of some sort of bereavement so the source of the issues in that kind of home can be pretty different.

That being said I think men raised in a single father home end up even more fucked up than single mother homes because they can easily end up completely isolated from women, and when your only motivating force to interact with the opposite gender is to have a sex life, you get flagged as a whore and rejected by most people. Can't imagine that's too good on anyone's psyche.

 

[DumbDude42]

very rare because women rarely abandon their families like men do. if a man leaves, he just leaves. if a woman leaves, she usually takes the kids with her.
also men can't really choose to become single fathers like women can choose to become single mothers (getting themselves knocked up by random strangers)

 

[Certified_Autist]

I have no real evidence or data to back this up. But ancedotally, I have observed that single-father homes produce people who are very successful in professional life, at the cost of lower success in other areas like personal relationships.

Just my two cents.

also men can't really choose to become single fathers like women can choose to become single mothers (getting themselves knocked up by random strangers)

I have family members where the couple divorced and the father wound up winning custody. It can happen, but yes it is very uncommon.

 

[Fascist Frederick]

What about a girl who grew up in a single father household? If she becomes a mother, is she still able to perform the magic empathy transmission that you mentioned? If so where did the empathy come from?

 

[Skitarii]

Yes and no, but I feel like there would be psychological imbalances that would come from not having a motherly figure to balance out the nuclear family dynamic. Without an empathetic voice that mothers have, I feel like children would develop anti-social personality disorders or start dabbling in bullying because they lack affection that fathers can't reasonably give that mothers usually do.

Empathy is adjacent to abuse. Not every single parent home is as abusive as you say

 

[Dave.]

I have no real evidence or data to back this up. But ancedotally, I have observed that single-father homes produce people who are very successful in professional life, at the cost of lower success in other areas like personal relationships.

Just my two cents.


I have family members where the couple divorced and the father wound up winning custody. It can happen, but yes it is very uncommon.

So would you argue then that single-mother households end up the way they do circumstantially or on principle? Because there is a good point that some single-mother households become a thing because of government benefits and child support payments from the divorced husband and they always end up failing because of apathy or because the child ends up more as a monthly tugboat and asset rather than a extent of the family to care for and grow.

Single-father households, at least from what I can tell from you guys, happens from way different circumstance than that and that might be a reason why you mention lots become successful.

 

[DumbDude42]

I have family members where the couple divorced and the father wound up winning custody. It can happen, but yes it is very uncommon.

yes but what i meant with that part is that any single woman can at any point in her life decide "i want to become a single mom", go fuck some random acquaintance, and a year later she's a single mom.

for men that option doesn't exist, because if a man knocks up some random woman he hooks up with, the result isn't that he becomes a single dad, the result is that the woman becomes a single mom while he becomes an absentee dad who pays child support.
only way for men to easily become single dads from scratch is if they pay a surrogate mother to carry the child and then hand over sole custody to the father, but that is difficult to organize, expensive, and outright illegal in some places.

 

[lostkeys]

I’m summarizing the summary of this paper.
It’s a PDF

Single fathers are about as equally as involved with their kids as single mothers, and both single mothers and fathers tend to adapt parenting traits of the opposite sex, however single mothers tend to focus more on housework and private conversations, and single fathers are more focused on play and provision.

Because single fathers tend to provide less closeness and monitor their children less, these children have slightly higher rates of delinquency and drug use (paper specifies drug use not abuse) than children of single mothers.

However it seems like atleast young children are better off emotionally in single father homes, and did slightly better academically. Boys do better in single father homes than single mother homes, but boys are still have more negative outcomes of single parent households than girls. Girls tend to have better social emotional skills when living with their mother.

The paper does suggest that single father households tend to have good outcomes possibly because fathers will likely have to “choose” primary custody, otherwise the mother will almost always be the default primary custodian unless she passes away or unfit to parent.

 

[Certified_Autist]

So would you argue then that single-mother households end up the way they do circumstantially or on principle? Because there is a good point that some single-mother households become a thing because of government benefits and child support payments from the divorced husband and they always end up failing because of apathy or because the child ends up more as a monthly tugboat and asset rather than a extent of the family to care for and grow.

Single-father households, at least from what I can tell from you guys, happens from way different circumstance than that and that might be a reason why you mention lots become successful.

Part of it probably is circumstance, for the reasons you describe.

That said, I would argue a big part of it comes down to differences in how men and women nurture/raise children. This is a very broad generalization and isn't always accurate in every individual circumstance. Men by nature are, generally, more confrontational, direct, and assertive compared to women. and -generally- speaking women tend to "coddle" offspring more then men. I'll use bullying as an example- if a kid tells his mother he's being bullied, the mother will hug him, and try to make him feel better about being bullied, then go to the school on behalf of the kid. If a kid tells his father he's being bullied, the father would tell him to confront the problem for himself by punching the bully in the face.

Now apply this basic pattern to every situation in a kid's life. A kid raised exclusively by a woman will learn (broadly speaking) to rely on emotional comfort and other people to solve their issues. A kid raised exclusively by a man will learn (broadly speaking) to confront issues for himself, but without regard to tact or emotion. As to how that relates to different outcomes in life, exclusive male socialiazing in a person might be good for success in a workplace, but might be more hit-or-miss in relationships.

I know this may come across to some as incredibly sexist (and maybe it is) but that's my honest conclusion based on observing male and female behavior in my personal life.

As to why single-mother households have such frequent bad outcomes, I'd say its 50% bad circumstances that you describe, and 50% lack of a strong figure to put a kid in line when he has a problem or does something stupid.

 

[Flan Handler]

Raised by a single dad. He raised me, and my younger sister and brother. (Ages 9,7,2)

It was a way better option than living with my mom, who had a bunch of problems that would have made my adolescence very dangerous, and I’d likely be pretty messed up today.

Pros: he didn’t take my messed up emotions personally, and weirdly both accepted them and made it clear I needed to behave better. Extremely consistent. It took a couple of years but I eventually settled down. He encouraged me to be independent and start working early which laid a great foundation for being a productive adult who can handle anything life throws my way. Schools and institutions were waaaay more lenient with their expectations of him compared to single moms.

Cons: he was a pretty young guy when his wife split and his life plan went waaaaaay off the rails. He was pretty messed up emotionally and overwhelmed and it took him a while to sort himself out. He had to change careers to be home at night with us and worked crazy long hours. He’s always attracted crazy women. Had to make some compromises economically he’s struggling with now.

The only legit bad thing that happened was he dated a crazy dangerous bint for a year who targeted me for some gaslighting and abuse. He didn’t know how nuts she was, and I assumed he did since kids think adults know everything. But he bounced her once it came to light.

He’s had a hard go of it really, so now that we are both older I try to support him and include him as much as possible. If the world takes a bad turn he will end up living with me. I love him to bits and even if some of his kids had/have emotional problems, we are all economically successful and good citizens.

My mom had her reasons for what she did, thank god she was smart enough not to take us to her dark place. She ended up with an unexpected redemption arc too but that’s another story.

 

[Flan Handler]

What about a girl who grew up in a single father household? If she becomes a mother, is she still able to perform the magic empathy transmission that you mentioned? If so where did the empathy come from?

I am in this situation. Two thoughts:

1. my grandma was a big influence and her hands on nurturing and wisdom seem to have carried through, at least in places.

2. We are pretty hardwired to nurture offspring. There are tons of resources out there for people who want to learn the nuts-and-bolts of child rearing.

So far we seem to be doing ok.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

very rare because women rarely abandon their families like men do. if a man leaves, he just leaves. if a woman leaves, she usually takes the kids with her.
also men can't really choose to become single fathers like women can choose to become single mothers (getting themselves knocked up by random strangers)

I dunno. It definitely isn't as common as men abandoning their children, but I have seen legit cases where the mother just checks out and fucks off in the same way men do. Just dump the kid, no attempt to sue for custody at the basest level, don't pay child support, don't want visitation, etc. I mean we have at least one case of that in Deathfats with Alice from GOMI. And yes, she is judged as an absolute piece of shit for this the same way a deadbeat dad would be.

 

[wtfNeedSignUp]

A lot of times it depends on what women the father brings home. There are cases of criminals with alright dads and abusive step moms that completely fucked them up mentally.