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kiwifarms.net
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- Feb 3, 2013
Skyrim: NPC challenge
- Thread starter A-Stump
- Start date
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🔧 Actively working on site again.
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- Feb 3, 2013
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- Mar 26, 2013
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- Oct 8, 2013
I played as a strong indepedent Argonian female who doesn't need no man called Crystal Jane Spaghettia. I used that Alternate Start mod and chose to be a dockworker in Windhelm. I spent the first day just talking to people and selling the stuff I cannot use because of the challenge's rules. Now I am going to prepare to deliver a book to the Bard's College for some guy.
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2013
Set up;
Imperial normal guy named John Doe.
Try to the best cook in all of Skyrim and go from town to town picking crops for extra dough and ingredients. Sell the food you make. Eventually get killed by a bear.
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- Nov 10, 2013
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- Oct 25, 2013
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- Feb 3, 2013
I had actually for gotton about that. Matters not, for we now tell the tale known as...
The Ballad of Joe Bob the Baker
Some stories are those of who achieve great things. Those who move mountains and shape destinies. This is not one of those stories.
Upon character creation, Our Hero takes shape. Joe Bob (I changed the name from John Doe because the name Joe Bob makes me laugh) is an Imperial with bad skin, bad hair and a neck beard. He does not believe in that dang dirty Talos and has an unusual fascination with horses.
The character creation mod I have allows me to create a custom class much like in Oblivion, I created a custom class for Joe Bob based around the fact he wishes to become a legendary cook, so his skills were in Blacksmithing (to make silverware), Alchemey (For flavors), Archery (To hunt), Speech (To barter) and a few others.
Now, the random start mod asks you a few questions and then gives you some gear based on your answers. I chose random and got the healers kit, making my life harder since all it gives you is some robes and a few potions.
So our hero begins his tale on a cold raining night. You see, Joe Bob had but one dream, but to be the greatest cook in all of Cyrodil. Now his father, a great and mighty hero was pissed that his son was being a faggot and did not want to be something other than an asshole. But Joe Bob knew his destiny was to cook! So one day, when traveling near the border to Skyrim, Joe Bob ran like a bitch. Unfortunately for our dear hero, he was quickly besot upon by bandits who took them to their base and made fun of him for looking like the inside of a mudcrabs asshole. However, on one stormy night, the guard was drunk and Joe Bob was able to get free, but not before being pursued by one of the Orc guards!
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Joe Bob needed to get to safety, so he did it the only way he knew how, he ran screaming and wetting his only pair of underwear.
Joe Bob was not far from Windhelm, but the way he ran ended up bringing him through the mountains between here and Helgen, so Joe Bob decided to head there.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
After escaping the raging Orsimer, Joe Bob found himself lost in the Skyrim wilderness, but eventually he found a sign to help him on his way.
While traveling along the road seemed fine at first, our hero was eventually attacked by a pack of wolves. While our hero got away from most of them, one cornered him and he was forced to do parkour in order to be safe.
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Joe Bob, eating a bit of raw deer meat in a fit of hunger, pressed on until he came across this scene.
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….Joe Bob has seen some shit.
At any rate, upon talking to these fine young women and trying to get their home address’s. However, it seems jerks have taken these pretty girls and left him none to choose from, but at least there is now a body with shit on it. On a side not, I am not sure if the NPC challenge disallows me to loot from a body killed by another NPC, but I think Joe Bob would have wanted that trench coat. Now all he needs is a fedora. Plus, he got to see him some side-boob.
At some point Joe Bob encountered a cave, but that shit is fucking scary so Joe Bob kept moving along.
He also picked some berries along the way and bought a rabbit leg from a passing hunter. Things are looking up for Joe Bob.
Joe Bob finally reaches Helgen, what a great place, he can already smell the cooked pork wafting from the city!
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Well this is not good…what could of done thi….
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Time for Joe Bob to bail.
After this traumatic event, Joe Bob took the time to admire the scenery, including what looked like a massive temple built by some ignorant theists. Joe Bob toyed with the idea of checking it out, but that shit looked scary. Finally, he reached Riverwood.
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- Feb 3, 2013
Knowing that he needed gold to eat, he would need to find some work. SO he helped out the local smith for some time and took a job cutting wood. The people at the woodmill said he could stay in a shack in their yard.
Joe Bob worked well into the afternoon and worked up a mighty appetite. So he went to the tavern for some food and drink. The barkeep seemed like a nice man. Told him about ways to make money, but they involved things like bounty contracts and the Dark Brotherhood, and that shit is fucking scary. So Joe Bob ate a bit of goat leg and had an ale.
Joe Bob then took some time to brew up some potions, so he took those and sold them in order to buy a hunting bow.
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Joe Bob worked well into the afternoon and worked up a mighty appetite. So he went to the tavern for some food and drink. The barkeep seemed like a nice man. Told him about ways to make money, but they involved things like bounty contracts and the Dark Brotherhood, and that shit is fucking scary. So Joe Bob ate a bit of goat leg and had an ale.
Joe Bob then took some time to brew up some potions, so he took those and sold them in order to buy a hunting bow.
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- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Joe Bob went back to work, and continued to cut wood until about 4 pm. After work, he decided to relax by practicing his hunting skills. He found a bit of Nirnroot and bagged himself a deer.
When it started to get dark, Joe Bob decided to go back to the tavern for dinner. He talked to the Bard for a bit, found out about this love triangle he was involved in, which made Joe Bob mad because clearly the Bard was an alpha jerk. He listened to the Bard for some time, ate some food, and had maybe a bit too much to drink.
Stumbling home, Joe Bob finds a troll skull and debates stealing from the blacksmith but decided against it. Finally, Joe Bob crashes into a slumber.
That night he dreams, he dreams of building the greatest restaurant in all of Skyrim. Will he achieve this dream? Or will he get mauled by a bear? Probably the latter.
Anyways, so I managed to get SKSE to work better and it seems to be loading nicer, so iNeed should work better now and I enabled the ability to die by starvation, also downloaded some weather mods and the cold and wet mod. Things should get interesting for our friend Joe Bob.
When it started to get dark, Joe Bob decided to go back to the tavern for dinner. He talked to the Bard for a bit, found out about this love triangle he was involved in, which made Joe Bob mad because clearly the Bard was an alpha jerk. He listened to the Bard for some time, ate some food, and had maybe a bit too much to drink.
Stumbling home, Joe Bob finds a troll skull and debates stealing from the blacksmith but decided against it. Finally, Joe Bob crashes into a slumber.
That night he dreams, he dreams of building the greatest restaurant in all of Skyrim. Will he achieve this dream? Or will he get mauled by a bear? Probably the latter.
Anyways, so I managed to get SKSE to work better and it seems to be loading nicer, so iNeed should work better now and I enabled the ability to die by starvation, also downloaded some weather mods and the cold and wet mod. Things should get interesting for our friend Joe Bob.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Surtur, I think your attempts at playing this npc challenge has not only made me laugh but also makes me want to try. Also "fascination with horses", does that mean Joe Bob might be the Tamrielic equivalent to a brony? I can only imagine what sort of things would happen between your character and the law when it comes to a horse.
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2013
Joe Bob the unwashed, neckbearded, 'ugly as the inside of a mudcrabs asshole' is my new hero. His elite skill in parkour will land him two busty bar wenches, but that shit is fucking scary so probably not.
Congrats, Surtur, you've managed to make me laugh for like five minutes straight and I want moar.
Congrats, Surtur, you've managed to make me laugh for like five minutes straight and I want moar.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Well I decided to give this challenge a shot. Here is my character: Anthony Logatto the Breton 
Within a small room lied a breton known as Anthony Logatto. He had high dreams of becoming a bard but it was a skooma dream as said by his father. He has a thing for cheese and fetish for Khajiits and Argonians.
Within Rorikstead, Anthony lived within the inn as a farmer until one day he decided to run off into the fields and live in the city of Whiterun. On his way he encountered some wolves and thinking he was tough, he sought to fight them with his fist only to end up running in fear since he pretty much thought he would die.
As Anthony tried to hide, an Argonian thief tried to hold him up. Thinking it was a female Argonian, Anthony's hope of hitting on her were dashed when he found out it was a guy.
After telling the scalie that he wouldn't give up his gold, the Argonian decided to kill Anthony, prompting the ex-farmer to run off like a coward. Eventually, the thief decided Anthony was not worth it and walked away.
What happens to Anthony? Find out next time if this was even interesting.
Within a small room lied a breton known as Anthony Logatto. He had high dreams of becoming a bard but it was a skooma dream as said by his father. He has a thing for cheese and fetish for Khajiits and Argonians.
Within Rorikstead, Anthony lived within the inn as a farmer until one day he decided to run off into the fields and live in the city of Whiterun. On his way he encountered some wolves and thinking he was tough, he sought to fight them with his fist only to end up running in fear since he pretty much thought he would die.