So what happens now?

[Some JERK]

Let's consider the types of crimes most likely to get Chris put in jail:

-trespassing probably
-rape not in a million years
-arson unintentionally maybe
-assault unlikely
-harassment DING DING DING DING
-fraud possible
-murder no.
-vandalism almost guaranteed
-theft unlikely but possible.
-indecent liberties eh...

 

[CatParty]

According to the high school classmates, there's a history of "Chris getting raped in the shower" comments for decades now.

 

[CWCissey]

According to the high school classmates, there's a history of "Chris getting raped in the shower" comments for decades now.

Heh heh heh.

There's a lot of truth in jest!

 

[Giovanni]

In terms of theft, I could see Chris shoplifting from a store that promotes the Hex-Bawks or Kicks the Autistic or whatnot and try to justify it on those grounds (and hopefully get tackled to the ground by a JERK AP officer). But anything requiring more effort than sticking a children's card game under his shirt? Not gonna happen.

Hey, uh, a little off-topic, but that Return of Kings site is a joke, right?

I'd assume it was, but people like Chris have awakened me to the level of doucheness that humans can achieve.

I wish it was.

It's real. Very very real. On reddit, there's even a whole subreddit FILLED with douchebags like them called "The Red Pill." They started out as being about self-improvement for men, then devolved into misogynistic assholes.

 

[CarloVonSexron]

According to the high school classmates, there's a history of "Chris getting raped in the shower" comments for decades now.

if that really true then suddenly a lot of things makes senses, no wonder why he really hates ........among other things

 

[Really makes you thunk]

no wonder why he really hates ........among other things

No wonder why he hates JERKS.

 

[Enjoy your spaghetti]

Rape jokes aren't copacetic. Even if you're an ex-galpal.

I know nobody in here is making them, but that's a line that ought not to be crossed.

 

[Really makes you thunk]

^ Yeah, my apologies. I did kind of make one, even though the humor wasn't in the rape itself. Still was a bit out of order, though.

 

[CatParty]

Rape jokes aren't copacetic. Even if you're an ex-galpal.

I know nobody in here is making them, but that's a line that ought not to be crossed.

[cwc]March_2012_Facebook_Posts[/cwc]

My court date is coming up. and there is a risk of me either having the charges from Snyder dropped. or me landing in Jail, and if my destiny is Jail. I will starve myself.

I do not want to die a virgin either. I need help Immediately: please send her my way in person (time for polite conversation and getting to know optional).

Well if you go to jail, you probably won't die a virgin.

 

[CarloVonSexron]

Rape jokes aren't copacetic. Even if you're an ex-galpal.

I know nobody in here is making them, but that's a line that ought not to be crossed.

[cwc]March_2012_Facebook_Posts[/cwc]

My court date is coming up. and there is a risk of me either having the charges from Snyder dropped. or me landing in Jail, and if my destiny is Jail. I will starve myself.

I do not want to die a virgin either. I need help Immediately: please send her my way in person (time for polite conversation and getting to know optional).

Well if you go to jail, you probably won't die a virgin.

Don't get him a wrong impression Anna! he might thinking to keep his tomgirl antic so he can fool people to put him into female prison and..........CHINA!

*i guess i'll show myself out*

 

[Enjoy your spaghetti]

Rape jokes aren't copacetic. Even if you're an ex-galpal.

I know nobody in here is making them, but that's a line that ought not to be crossed.

[cwc]March_2012_Facebook_Posts[/cwc]

My court date is coming up. and there is a risk of me either having the charges from Snyder dropped. or me landing in Jail, and if my destiny is Jail. I will starve myself.

I do not want to die a virgin either. I need help Immediately: please send her my way in person (time for polite conversation and getting to know optional).

Well if you go to jail, you probably won't die a virgin.

Leave it to CorgiParty to find more rape jokes for our pleasure.

 

[CatParty]

All I'm sayin is that when you are one of the handful of people Chris may even remotely cares about, you shouldn't be making prison rape jokes when Chris expresses concern about the possibility of going to jail.

 

[Enjoy your spaghetti]

All I'm sayin is that when you are one of the handful of people Chris may even remotely cares about, you shouldn't be making prison rape jokes when Chris expresses concern about the possibility of going to jail.

Yeah, consider the source. Too bad anybody that could have offered any meaningful help or even just plain sympathy has been pushed away.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

According to the high school classmates, there's a history of "Chris getting raped in the shower" comments for decades now.

Really? I thought it was just an offhand shitty joke. Did Thetan confirm this as an ongoing thing?

 

[Judge Holden]

Hmm, is anyone else inferring that the "Chris took it sandusky style from big steve in the shower" joke his classmates seemed to have had could indicate his homophobia was deeply entrenched/visable by high school?

because I slightly doubt just being a tard would have made him the butt (hehehehhehehehh) of such jokes, nor would him being effeminate, and there are already hints in "The highschool story" that being called gay was one of his berserk buttons others around him liked to push (and have continued to do so ever since) which to me screams of him blowing up in reaction to either being innocently/not so innocently called gay, or expressing his usual standard of "public outrage" at the sight/mention of homos, which his classmates would have latched onto whenever they wanted to annoy him.

 

[Blue Max]

Chris seems to be as close as he's ever been to figuring out that he needs to make vast attempts to improve his life and that he's to blame for it.

He's never, not once, ever decided that he is in the wrong, or that he NEEDS TO CHANGE. The odds of this doing much are low on its own, but the rest of Chris' life is a long time and he's got many years of this ahead. Chris, though, has been here at least and made no changes.

The difference this time is that Chris doesn't really have an answer (even a bad or fake answer) as to what he can do or find his friends. Sonichu was, frankly, enough of a success that Chris COULD have made a better life on its production (think on that. If he'd embraced the ADs and used them with his own website, he'd probably be in the black. He did enough to get our attention as well.) But he's given up on Sonichu, and he's not been spamming contests (which some people actually manage to do and win).

So he dreamt of his High School Reunion. This was unrealistic from the very beginning, but he's either alienated his gal-pals entirely by his complete stupidity, or he misunderstood their relationship even then. In either case, there is no heading back into a happy high school--if it ever existed. There may be more trying to appeal to them, more lying and deluding on facebook, but the damage is mostly done and barring a trolling attempt on that exact point--Chris' Reunion Saga has devolved into this self-pity misery.

There are five things that are going to plausibly happen in CWC's future, but ordering them is going to be quite hard.

-Barb Dies.
-14 Branchland is greatly damaged/made unlivable.
-Chris gets in serious trouble with the law.
-Kick the Autistic
-Chris has a medical emergency.

Everyone has talked about dying in the imminent future, but I think that's at least two years off. Barb doesn't seem to have mortal problems and her issues must be at an annoyance level if she's not interested in making any changes to avoid them.

14 Branchland is in no greater danger than any other house in its neighborhood for Hurricanes, Blizzards, etc. Despite the hoard, the house is probably at lower risk of having a fire (No cooking, for starters) than the average house. But there is a frontier forest in the front lawn, the paint has discolored at minimum. 14 Branchland probably has a few years before it suffers major structural damage through neglect as well.

Chris getting in serious legal trouble--this will come out of the blue, and its happened before. Chris is, to be fair, opposed to getting in trouble with the law on it own and would probably either run away from enforcement or quite possibly plead out ala 10/28/11. But he hasn't stopped doing stupid stuff that might land him trouble with the law, as the defacement of HEXbox merchandise indicates.

Although he's creepy, unable to understand boundaries between people and a mild dark person for his great ego and greed, Chris isn't likely to get his ass kicked. He's too much of a coward to interact with a "fan" at a McDonalds, so short of a run in with a robber of some kind (and would a robber even TRY to go after some threadbare guy with obvious mental issues?) Chris gets his ass kicked when he himself tries anything physical against even an average male, or when he is at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Chris has been on anti-cholesterol medication in his 20s and his habits are far from healthy or even the mildly dysfunctional conditions of the average American (IE, overweight, too little exercise, too much fat/cheap sugars in diet, etc). Chris' immediate family doesn't seem unusually vulnerable to medical issues, but Chris is pushing the envelope on low quality fast food and lack of exercise. Chris' mental health may well be directly tied towards his subpar physical state--and the relationship is a proven fact. Chris' habitat isn't that far away from an animal in a circus cage, too small a space for too long a time and too little to do.

Chris potentially could have a heart attack right now.

====

Of the five, I'd probably think another brush with the law or a medical emergency is most likely to happen next--and neither will likely happen in 2014 itself. But in five years time, at least one of the five will happen.

This sort of grim forecasting means that CWC hasn't hit rock bottom--Yet. That awaits.

 

[garbageraider]

There are five things that are going to plausibly happen in CWC's future, but ordering them is going to be quite hard.

-Barb Dies.
-14 Branchland is greatly damaged/made unlivable.
-Chris gets in serious trouble with the law.
-Kick the Autistic
-Chris has a medical emergency.

There's another possibility: 14 Branchland could be repossessed. Not from Chris's credit card debt, but Barb is probably in substantial debt herself.

Everyone has talked about dying in the imminent future, but I think that's at least two years off. Barb doesn't seem to have mortal problems and her issues must be at an annoyance level if she's not interested in making any changes to avoid them.

You may be correct, but I disagree. She's had medical issues for years, her diet's as bad as Chris's, she used to be obese, and she drank heavily during most of her adult life. Given her advanced age, her health could decline very quickly. She could live another decade, or she could die tomorrow. Frankly, I don't see her living much more than another 2 to 3 years at best.

14 Branchland is in no greater danger than any other house in its neighborhood for Hurricanes, Blizzards, etc. Despite the hoard, the house is probably at lower risk of having a fire (No cooking, for starters) than the average house. But there is a frontier forest in the front lawn, the paint has discolored at minimum. 14 Branchland probably has a few years before it suffers major structural damage through neglect as well.

I am closer to agreement with you on this, although given that maintenance on the house has been non-existent for years, the possibility of a burst pipe or roof damage is substantial in the near future.

Chris getting in serious legal trouble--this will come out of the blue, and its happened before. Chris is, to be fair, opposed to getting in trouble with the law on it own and would probably either run away from enforcement or quite possibly plead out ala 10/28/11. But he hasn't stopped doing stupid stuff that might land him trouble with the law, as the defacement of HEXbox merchandise indicates.

I concur. Something like this could happen any day. Chris is predictably unpredictable. There could be a wide range of consequences, minor to major, varying upon the exact circumstances.

Although he's creepy, unable to understand boundaries between people and a mild dark person for his great ego and greed, Chris isn't likely to get his ass kicked. He's too much of a coward to interact with a "fan" at a McDonalds, so short of a run in with a robber of some kind (and would a robber even TRY to go after some threadbare guy with obvious mental issues?) Chris gets his ass kicked when he himself tries anything physical against even an average male, or when he is at the wrong place at the wrong time.

I see this as a less likely scenario, but still possible. If he pisses the wrong person off, he might try to run away, but they could easily catch him and beat his ass. Might actually teach him a lesson, and he certainly has the karma coming his way.

Chris has been on anti-cholesterol medication in his 20s and his habits are far from healthy or even the mildly dysfunctional conditions of the average American (IE, overweight, too little exercise, too much fat/cheap sugars in diet, etc). Chris' immediate family doesn't seem unusually vulnerable to medical issues, but Chris is pushing the envelope on low quality fast food and lack of exercise. Chris' mental health may well be directly tied towards his subpar physical state--and the relationship is a proven fact. Chris' habitat isn't that far away from an animal in a circus cage, too small a space for too long a time and too little to do.

Chris potentially could have a heart attack right now.

I do believe that Chris's lifestyle is going to start having substantial effects on his physical health in the near future, if it hasn't already. However, as far as him actually dying? You underestimate the resilience of human beings. Some people do everything wrong and still live into their 80's. I don't see Chris dying until he at least reaches his mid to late 40's, which is over a decade away. However, heart attacks among people his age are not unknown, and if his genetic predisposition for physical health is as bad as for his mental health, then he could actually be placing his life at risk in the near term with his extremely poor lifestyle choices.

Of the five, I'd probably think another brush with the law or a medical emergency is most likely to happen next--and neither will likely happen in 2014 itself. But in five years time, at least one of the five will happen.

This sort of grim forecasting means that CWC hasn't hit rock bottom--Yet. That awaits.

My assessment of the chances of a specific event happening over the next 2 years:
Barb Dies: 75%
Chris goes to Jail: 50%
Branchland Court damage/repossession: 40%
Chris getting his ass kicked: 15%
Chris dying: 5-10%
But there is an overwhelming probability (95%+) that at least one of these events WILL happen, and when it does, it's going to set in motion a chain of events that will change Chris's life irreversibly.

 

[Marvin]

Chris is provoking people out in public. It's just that he's too much of a pussy to do it to their faces. He mutters to himself but they can still hear it. He repeats the same obnoxious thing over and over. I'd almost wonder if Chris didn't realize he's saying this stuff out loud. He's gotten confronted for doing this and immediately pussied out. But it's definitely possible he provokes someone again who doesn't let him back down.

 

[CatParty]

This is true. All Chris has to do is be Chris to the wrong person.

 

[garbageraider]

Chris is provoking people out in public. It's just that he's too much of a pussy to do it to their faces. He mutters to himself but they can still hear it. He repeats the same obnoxious thing over and over. I'd almost wonder if Chris didn't realize he's saying this stuff out loud. He's gotten confronted for doing this and immediately pussied out. But it's definitely possible he provokes someone again who doesn't let him back down.

Marvin, would it be immoral to place bets on the chances of Chris getting his ass beat?