Oh god, this turned out to be a lot longer than I planned, so I'm breaking it into two posts. There is a Chris version and a real world version to Sonichu 12. The Chris version comes first:
After all the villains on earth are destroyed, Chris goes back to being mayor and implements his policies. All drugs and tobacky are confiscated, put into rockets, and shot into the sun. Unfortunately, there's always more, and he keeps having to send more drug rockets into the sun. He runs out of money. "No big deal, I'm the mayor!" Chris says, and prints more money to send more rockets. One day he sees \M/etal Sonichu selling drugs. "Stop right there!" he yells, but \M/etal Sonichu flies off to the moon.
Chris is angry, and declares war on the moon. He prints more money to make a giant telescope and find out what's on the moon. Prices have gone up, so he has to print even more money. "Those dang dirty trolls!" he yells, and has more money printed to afford the telescope. When it's built, he sees the Moon Pal base and declares war on them. He tries to build war machines, but every time he does, they raise the price and he can't afford it. "The moon pals are stealing the heart level out of my money!" he exclaims.
He goes on national television in front of a big crowd and starts his speech. "As the mayor of CWCVille I need to nationalize all private property to be able to destroy those god damn moon pals once and for all!" He finishes his soda, and the citizens of CWCVille become angry. Chris believes the moon pals have brainwashed the people!
Chris starts to realize that this is getting bad, as the crowd rushes the stage. Chris runs from the crowd at sonichu speed. "It's time to use my parkay skills!", he thinks. Time starts to slow down. Sound shifts. Colors are brighter, and then he can feel multiple timelines peeling themselves off from reality. Time becomes an infinite loop. He's running. Noises from an angry crowd. Muscles he's never used before are failing him and he's on the ground. Where does his body end and the ground begin? What's the difference if everything's made of the same stuff? Jerkops are surrounding him. A mass of human parts merging and collapsing down on him and throwing him into the back of a car. "Don't hurt him. We're better than that." A car is funny when you think about it. Gas explosions are what propel it. Chris closes his eyes and enters a world of fractals. Dimensions he never knew existed shift around to reveal the true origin of the universe. I'm dying. This is what it's like. Am I at peace? White light. What about the moon pals? Unfinished business? I guess it's finished now. Chris meets God. There is only one way this is possible. Chris is god. But trolls are god. It's all a piece of the same universe. We are all one.
Chris wakes up alone in a jail cell. He screams. A jerkop comes into the room and tells him he's lucky to be alive. Lucky that jerkops are professionals who don't let their emotions get the better of them. He has a future in a nice mental institution. It will be called CWCVille. Maybe he can even be mayor.
Real world version:
The moon pals are hanging out together. Bill the scientist has come up with a great way to make enough money to sustain their lifestyle. Every friday, Chris sends a rocket filled with drugs into the sun. "All we need to do it intercept that rocket, and cash in on whatever leftover drugs there are after we're done with them." Bill uses his experience working for Team Rocket to devise a rocket capture device, which is a resounding success.
\M/etal sonichu is sent to CWCVille to sell the drugs. He curses his fate as a mechanical being, unable to enjoy the drugs himself. But that's OK. He can plug into the internets and do cybertrolling, which is just as good as drugs are for a meatpuppet. And he will live forever. This becomes the routine: \M/etal sonichu sells the drugs, they are confiscated by jerkops, then sent into a rocket which the moon pals recapture and sell back again. One day, Chris sees \M/etal sonichu, and \M/etal sonichu laughs, knowing Chris can't do a damn thing about it.
Meanwhile, CWCVille is suffering from hyperinflation, because the mayor is printing more money to run his government programs, like the drug rockets. The hyperinflation reaches Zimbabwe levels, and then some, as Chris declares war on the Moon Pals.
As \M/etal sonichu is getting ready for his latest trip to CWCVille, Bill stops him. He tells \M/etal sonichu, "Chris is building a giant telescope to spy on us. Steal it and bring it to the moon so we can watch."
"Watch what?"
"Save about ten hits of that acid to put into Chris's drink"
"Isn't that... a lot?"
"I take that much all the time."
The moon pals watch and laugh hysterically at Chris's antics while he's tripping on acid, which don't really look all that different from his normal antics. They know Chris will continue to be a great source of entertainment in the institution they've built for him, where for the first time in his life, he might actually be able to live out his fantasies.
