Spunt's helpful guide to Britain for fat Americans - Learn about Anglos so you can hate them better

[Sammich]

I agree, reading is for faggots.

agreed, my faggot ass read the entire thing. Thank you for explaining it to my fat (faggot) ass.

 

[2SLGBQTIA+ 2 Furious]

The 2024 UK General Election Megapost

Good summary. It's impossible to list all the Tory MPs who have been involved in scandals (Patel, Hancock, Jenrick and the one who crashed a car, ran away, said he was transgender without so much as changing his pronouns and then disappeared off the face of the earth spring to mind) but no history of the Tories in the 2010s is complete without Dominic Cummings.

In short: entirely unelected, political strategist and long time ally of Michael Gove, was the brains behind Brexit and Johnson's campaign as he got a majority off the back of it. Simultaneously got into bed with and upset the establishment, wanted to rip up red tape, notably during COVID to procure PPE. Was the first soap villain of COVID in 2020, before the Downing Street parties, when he drove across the country with symptoms and claimed he drove 30 miles on a family day out in order to test his eyesight during lockdown. Ended up doing a primetime televised press conference in the garden of 10 Downing Street to explain himself. Provided further entertainment at the COVID inquiry as we got to see messages where he called numerous civil servants and government ministers cunts.

Now spends his time sniping at former allies, mainly the party as a whole and Johnson, who he dubs The Trolley due to being as aimless as a shopping cart with a wonky wheel. Can often be seen begging for gibs for his Substack, which he has been known to edit retrospectively to enhance his reputation as a wannabe "superforecaster."

 

[Betty Cracker]

losing her majority and being forced into an unofficial coalition with the Ulster Unionist Party

Fantastic read. An addition to the lunacy is that the Democratic Unionist Party also took a blow this election cycle with their now deposed leader Jeffrey Donaldson (and his wife) being put on trial for rape, plus four counts of gross indecency and 13 counts of indecent assault across a nearly 30 year period. Some speculation is that the victims may be his own children.

 

[The Foxtrot]

There's also the coup-de-grace of Liz Truss' premiership: she was so shit it killed the queen

That's it, when is Liz Truss going to get punished for regicide?

 

[Tony Vivaldi]

We're not good at coffee. We tend to drink tea, whereas you ungrateful colonists preferred to chuck it in Boston harbour.

No, you are not. I couldn't find a decent cup of coffee throughout the length and breadth of Britain. The French and the Polish help couldn't even make a decent cup in any of the London places.

 

[Slimy Time]

Good summary. It's impossible to list all the Tory MPs who have been involved in scandals (Patel, Hancock, Jenrick and the one who crashed a car, ran away, said he was transgender without so much as changing his pronouns and then disappeared off the face of the earth spring to mind) but no history of the Tories in the 2010s is complete without Dominic Cummings.

In short: entirely unelected, political strategist and long time ally of Michael Gove, was the brains behind Brexit and Johnson's campaign as he got a majority off the back of it. Simultaneously got into bed with and upset the establishment, wanted to rip up red tape, notably during COVID to procure PPE. Was the first soap villain of COVID in 2020, before the Downing Street parties, when he drove across the country with symptoms and claimed he drove 30 miles on a family day out in order to test his eyesight during lockdown. Ended up doing a primetime televised press conference in the garden of 10 Downing Street to explain himself. Provided further entertainment at the COVID inquiry as we got to see messages where he called numerous civil servants and government ministers cunts.

Now spends his time sniping at former allies, mainly the party as a whole and Johnson, who he dubs The Trolley due to being as aimless as a shopping cart with a wonky wheel. Can often be seen begging for gibs for his Substack, which he has been known to edit retrospectively to enhance his reputation as a wannabe "superforecaster."

There is something so entertaining about every one of these cunts who locked people up during getting caught and not following their own rules and then coming up with the most ridiculous explanations why.

Trying to remember that one scientist who was the crutch for early Covid lockdown policy who turned out to be some kind of alarmist who was desperate to lock people down for anything (mad cow was one). Turned out after advising the government to lock people down he had been sneaking out of his home to go quietly fuck his mistress out of sight from his wife. That leaked story I believe had Dom Cummings’ fingers all over it when they needed to get rid of him.

 

[Falcos_Commisar]

I have family connections in the Far North, and I have spent a lot of time there. The people there are very, very socially conservative and very protective of their culture. They want independence because they want to preserve their way of life, including the Scots Gaelic language and its associated music, poetry and traditional crafts. Again, they don't want foreign invaders, be they English or anyone else. They are hyper-protestant "Wee Free" Presbyterians, a religion focused on the individual and the right to freely commune with the divine in the way that suits you. They hate being governed by people that don't understand them, and they certainly don't want pride parades, brown people or troonery. The Covid lockdowns devastated their way of life, ending the social events that they depended on and driving the region's already sky-high alcoholism and suicide rates to record levels that have not come down since they ended*. Like the Glaswegians, they felt betrayed by the party that they themselves founded to preserve what was left of one of the few old Celtic communities left in the world, seeing it taken over by woke Edinburgh liberals who decried them as racist. And they met that betrayal with ruthless vengeance

Ahaha fucking hell this was the best part.

Seeing the SNP get ass fucked made my week

I have a nice leather jacket that was made in Scotland. Makes me feel good wearing it.

Can't wait to see Labor fuck everything up even harder than the Tories did.

I'm betting on 1,000,000 annual migrants a year in less than 24 months with 100k boat people arriving every quarter soon enough.

 

[The Grognard]

I would also bet that you're gonna see shantytowns pop up simply because nobody can get anything built.

 

[Dangerous Dude]

This guide is a masterpiece. I was vaguely aware UK politics were off-kilter, but not to the level of beyond-parody madness shown here. This reads like a script to a comedy movie that might have come out 20 years ago.

 

[Moosebonker]

When you come second this is what happens in FPTP elections:




One party could earn more total votes than another then end up with zero MPs.
The Reform vote/share %s are a real eye opener.




In Scotland, gender reform/hate crime act/Sturgeonism/£600K missing/fake allegations against Salmond, put the boots to the SNP. In many ridings, splitting the SNP/Greens vote meant Labour got in. 600K voters stayed home.

 

[Cat tit bingo]

I don't understand a lick of the uk's party setup or election system but that was an entertaining summary of daft Cunts being both daft and Cunts, good read.

 

[BradCarter]

Thanks for the summary @Spunt . You didn't really touch on the bean and trashcan men enough. The community happenings has misled me.

Tl;dr for weirdly angry illiterates:
Voting is fake and gay. The government is ruled by rich rootless cosmopolitan parasites who viscerally hate its citizenry. So same as most places just more brazen.

 

[Oliver Onions]

In these dark and dismal zoomer times of 3-hour 'Rise and Fall' documentaries it's wonderful to see someone who still has such great command of the written word.

@Spunt I don't suppose you could publish this as a blog somewhere a bit more neutral? I'd like to send it to my normie friends because I think they'd really enjoy it but they don't understand opsec and I don't want them going on the Farms without a VPN. If it's too much hassle don't worry about it.

 

[Captain Manning]

Outstanding summary, @Spunt. Thank you!

I particularly like how the SNP got its ass kicked this election. Guess sucking troon dick didn't go to well for them. You hate to see it.

 

[Morethanabitfoolish]

Brilliant write up. That said.

This result also seems to defy the current trend in the West, where the right is in the ascendant in places like France

you jinxed it!

 

[3deadniggers]

Thanks for the summary @Spunt . You didn't really touch on the bean and trashcan men enough. The community happenings has misled me.

Tl;dr for weirdly angry illiterates:
Voting is fake and gay. The government is ruled by rich rootless cosmopolitan parasites who viscerally hate its citizenry. So same as most places just more brazen.

The monster raving loony party as a joke political party who stand for election to get on TV and look as stupid as possible. They dress up in silly costumes and do bizarre things next to future MPs knowing they have to be on stage when the camera is pointed at it.

The write up is good but it missed the banana scandal. At one place they were eating bananas to keep their energy up. An African chimped out because his team hadn't put any bananas in his packed lunch for the evening. Which is speculated to be because they didn't want to be seen as racist by giving a black man a banana. It was one of the highlights of a piss poor election.

 

[Bloom Worm Cross Field]

Great post, I think the only thing missing was to mention the 4 fully-fledged Allahu Ackbars we now have representing constituencies in our own parliament. As well as the fact that prominent incumbent Labour MP Jess Phillips (of "cancel former Prime Minister Liz Truss for appearing on Sargon of Akkad's podcast after he said that he wouldn't rape me" fame) only very narrowly won her seat, and the rabid Islamist that almost replaced her spent the entire election intimidating and threatening her campaign. Her well-foreseen response to this was to blame "men" for being intimidating, and saying "the fact that they were Muslim had nothing to do with it", so rest assured that you can safely hold back any and all sympathy.

It really can't be overstated how utterly ridiculous this election is from a "democratic legitimacy" perspective. In terms of seats, this is one of the biggest landslides in recent history, and yet by every possible metric, the Labour party is deeply unpopular from the outset. In terms of the proportion of popular vote won, this is one of Labour's worst rejections in its history. They gained a measly 33% of the vote, in an election with an anaemic <60% turnout. Of the people that have decided to register to vote, only about 1 in 5 went out and voted for the Labour party. Even of those, how many actually did it because they like the Labour party and what it stands for, rather than tactically voting to get rid of the most corrupt, incompetent, scummy incarnation of the Tory party in living memory? Jeremy Corbyn, the previous Labour leader that Keir Starmer kicked out of the party, won back his seat in Islington by a huge margin to beat the new Labour party candidate. That's a huge kick in the teeth in itself, and I think a harbinger of the fact that, despite a giant majority, this Labour party isn't going to be able to hold itself together. It has a massive far-left faction that hate the guts of Starmer and will definitely break ranks to try and take him down.

Can't wait to see Labor fuck everything up even harder than the Tories did.

I'm betting on 1,000,000 annual migrants a year in less than 24 months with 100k boat people arriving every quarter soon enough.

If you look at the gross numbers (ie don't subtract the number of people leaving the country), the official gross numbers for incomers over the last two years under the Conservatives were already over a million a year, with three quarters of that being from outside the EU. As a reminder, we still have an archaic law on the books that anyone from a commonwealth country like India, Pakistan or Nigeria can vote in this country's elections without citizenship. In short, it is unfathomably fucking over.

 

[Goofy Logic]

So obvious was it that Truss was a dreadful candidate that the Daily Star newspaper bought a lettuce and livestreamed it every day of her premiership, betting the paper's reputation on the cabbage lasting longer than the Prime Minister.

@Spunt, did Truss have a history of incompetence in her political career? The fact that the Daily Star made such a confident bet on her tenure as Prime Minister seems to indicate so. .

 

[ICanLurkNoMore]

No, you are not. I couldn't find a decent cup of coffee throughout the length and breadth of Britain. The French and the Polish help couldn't even make a decent cup in any of the London places.

probably because anyone caught disgracing engerland by brewing coffee got exiled to Australia for their crimes.

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

@Spunt, did Truss have a history of incompetence in her political career? The fact that the Daily Star made such a confident bet on her tenure as Prime Minister seems to indicate so. .

Her gaffe with Lavrov about Rostov and Voronezh made her look like an asshole, but honestly that may have just been her drawing the short straw on who he decided to troll; I can't imagine that, say, Susan Power or Justin Trudeau wouldn't have fallen for that gag.

Reading between the lines on her premiership, it seems like she fancied herself a Reagan or Thatcher type of reformer while first, misunderstanding the facts on the ground in the UK and second, making the Trump-esque mistake of believing that the "Civil service" served anyone except itself. The fact that unelected bureaucrats and retarded office politics have more control over who the PM is than the actual voting public is, well, the absolute state of Britian. Though it will never not be funny that if Britian was some LatAm shithole like (say) Argentina or El Salvador, Truss could have forced her agenda through with mass firings or arrests of the bureaucracy.