Story time! - A thread to share random stories from your life that aren't relevant elsewhere.

[Penis Drager 2.0]

I'll start with one from when I was a gas station clerk a few years ago:

Some girl came into the store wanting to cash a check. We don't cash checks. Banks were closed. She says she's basically on empty and needs to get home. So I tell her something like this:
"You're kinda pretty. Next guy who drives up to a pump, look at him with those big brown eyes of yours and look real sad and say 'hey mister, I need money.'"
Couple minutes later, some guy drives in and she talks to him. She comes back inside with $20 in her hand.

My coworker is there watching all of this happen. He even lectures me a bit with some "you taught her a bad lesson" bullshit. And then goes out to do the trashes.
I see him talk to her...
He comes back in putting more money on her pump.

After finishing the trashes he tells me all about how he tried to set her straight and he gave her his number before offering to put that money on her pump.
Needless to say, she never texted him back.

 

[Soso]

I ate some strawberries yesterday. They were really delicious

 

[User names must be unique]

I saw a weird looking spider, looking it up it seems to be a "Missing Sector Orb-weaver" scientific name "Zygiella X-Notata". with names like that it think it was my first time seeing a JRPG boss in the wild.

 

[The Last Stand]

I ate grilled cheese off a radiator.

 

[Gianfranco Pizzaballa]

I have been spending too much time on this website. I looked a a jar of Autumn Harvest Pasta Sauce and read Autism Harvest Pasta Sauce. Not to mention every time I read about Congress being gridlocked, I misread that they are being girldicked.

 

[Ventrue]

I saw Null at a grocery store in Florida yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a meanie and bother him and ask him about his weight or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen blocks of cheese in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the blocks of cheese and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each block of cheese and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

 

[Inco G. Nito]

One time a customer spoke probably 5 paragraphs worth of nonsense to me to describe that he needed a car USB phone charger with pass-through on the back to plug another car charger into. When I finally figured out what the fuck he was saying after loads of follow-up questions and simply called it a "pass-through car charger" he said "Yeah. Pretty simple, isn't it??" In this annoyed tone. Not foreign or anything, no accent. Perfect English, the guy just couldn't describe anything to save his life.

 

[Sneaky lurker]

"You're kinda pretty. Next guy who drives up to a pump, look at him with those big brown eyes of yours and look real sad and say 'hey mister, I need money.'"
Couple minutes later, some guy drives in and she talks to him. She comes back inside with $20 in her hand.

My coworker is there watching all of this happen. He even lectures me a bit with some "you taught her a bad lesson" bullshit. And then goes out to do the trashes.
I see him talk to her...
He comes back in putting more money on her pump.

Painted nails typed this