Updates at the bottom involving special people!
Wednesday recap: Minecraft was fun until some douche spawned too much TNT, essentially devastating Fort Knight (Should've backed up pre-event server and rolled back after the damage because the event was going to involve the potential for Fort Knight to blow up, but oh well). Then I had lag concerning my CPU with a couple other stream attempts, and the last 2 hours were mostly waiting and figuring out new menus that I've never seen before, bumbling around. And finally, I was thrust into a new set of Yu-Gi-Oh with new rules I have never had to deal with, with a starter deck and everything. Yes, I know tonight was quite boring later on, but I have no idea how I could've improved upon that given several minutes of loading time, server-to-server in G-Mod with too many errors to count, and the multiplayer in the new Yu-Gi-Oh was bugging my abilities to link up. On top of all that, chat was quite hostile towards me. And the chat likes finding ways to talk about the scumbags of the internet, people I have no affiliation with. I would like this to stop.
Super short version of the recap: First half was nice, but second half went seriously sour and never recovered.
The problems with chat!
For further reading about the problems of chat, go here:
tompreston.deviantart.com/jour… As some of the grievances from this journal do overlap with mine. But my take is not that the best thing to do is give up. MY take is that the "audience" is collectively a heap of scum. Of course, I could be flaming wrong, but this is how I emotionally feel. And this is why I can no longer promise any future streams.
Guys, please, stop beating up on me. It was not just one person, either. It was like a gang of usernames all bad-mouthing everything I tried to do. I should've just banned them all, but I thought that would be too cruel. Friends and fans do NOT talk so violently about who they're here to see. Friendly critique, sure, but bringing up trash simply grinds my gears. And even when I express my annoyance, the gang acts like my annoyance is a sin. This attitude of yours has to stop. Explicitly, no Deagle clans, no Chris-retards, no rubbing animals in my face, Nada! Just flat out, stop! Please! If not, Phil Fish was right: everyone's out to attack the high-profile, including alleged fans. And as reflected in my performance, this is making me angry. If there was nothing *to* be annoyed about, this would not be a problem. In addition, a lot of the questions were worded in a way that was slanted to make me look bad, no matter how I handled them. What annoyed me the most was how everyone kept going on about some "Silver Paladin". Even if this exists in the same way I do, it seems to have been clearly spun off of me but existed solely to become my bane. At least, that's my side of the story, which is clearly going to be one-sided.
Maybe I'm misinterpreting what transpired in chat, and maybe I should just never again pay attention to chat and simply enjoy full-screen games. I also found it hard to comment on games as I played them by myself. I'm usually the type who quietly enjoys the game experience, allowing myself to become immersed in both the environments as well as plotting what to do in those worlds.
Enjoy the show or don't. Either way, don't shoot the piano-player. All I know is, all these points compounded have bugged the bejebus out of me and I have no clue how to best handle this emotional disturbance.
Saturday's marathon (assuming I will be streaming)!
The stream will ideally run from 9AM to 8PM Eastern time! It will be open early to let people join and settle in, so the pre-event hangout will be at 8AM, so until 9, don't expect much footage of games but DO expect a lot of chat-based interaction.We have some games coming up; from Freddy hanging out to
Long Live the Queen, and maybe get some Civilization 5 if my computer won't die. Given Wednesday's reception, I am beginning to feel sick from toxicity and my desires to perform have been waning. Even if they're as innocent as I am, it still makes me feel bad, and that completely ruins whatever fun I'm having - and it shows.
Shout-outs and Special People!
Thanks to (as of this writing) Dorknado for gifting me
Five Nights at Freddy's. I'm not a fan of spooky stuff, but for the fans, I'll give it a whirl. Also, I am planning on putting Dorknado through a run as a chat moderator for this Saturday's stream. Why? Because I plan on talking about some particularly hot-button topics during Saturday, stuff I know would be fine to discuss if my audience were to remain composed and respectable
(quick sneak-peek: it involves equality for women). With that in mind, I vow to maintain my composure even whenever I am clearly angry, and this explicitly means there will be no tantrums. I expect my audience to do the same, for when they're not, my performance on stream will stall and then the audience will get bored. A moderator should help prevent or mitigate such social-based stalls by booting those who are giving me too much grief to speak.
I must make abundantly clear; it is OK to have disagreements or differing opinions, but please do not attack others over said disagreements. And above all, please do not attack or antagonize me! If you do, I will not feel like streaming, which means no more shows for everybody, and that would be very sad.
One last bullet point has been on my mind. Amanda, I am still waiting to hear from you, whenever you are ready; be it Deviantart or Skype or carrier pigeon. I have already pledged myself and my life to you, although I am working seriously hard on becoming less of a pest because I am lead to believe this is an issue on my end. If this is an issue, I wish to formally and publicly apologize for being a pest. To demonstrate this through action, I will not attempt further communication efforts until you have taken the initiative to reopen our mutual communication, lest my efforts be for naught. No matter, I have already knelt for you, praying for your return. I love you.
