You know what keeps me from an-heroing?
Fuck if I know, man, I just didn't want to start this post with a quote. Apathy, maybe? Actually, I remember now. Sometimes, it's funny. Sometimes it's really fucking funny. This world is so goddamn bad that it's like living in a cartoon. I can appreciate that, just not all the time.
That said, I genuinely believe that this is the first era in all of human history in which it is 100% entirely justifiable to consider suicide. It's not a good thing to do, but the state of the world has never been more physically painful in its awfulness, and you'd be a complete fool to believe you're above it all. Don't give me some "but life is so good because muh candy crush muh iphone muh internet narcissism muh wiretapped bread and circus thisorthat". It's all meaningless. Only an idiot would think they can reach the end without at least giving suicide some serious thought. Alternatively, you don't know how bad things are, and real talk, god bless you for that. I wish I had your ignorance. I would give everything I have for it. Some days I want to claw my fucking eyes out and scream bloody murder into the void just by observing the world around me.
Step 1.
Accept that you cannot control the actions of other people.
Clearly, this is something you've never tried yourself. Controlling the actions of other people is how society works, and it's actually pretty easy. It's called coercion, and it's the power that allows the world to turn. Also, the "accept the things you cannot change" platitude is a cope espoused by hippies or other shittypes who think they're "enlightened".
That said, this
IS your problem, OP. If you don't like the way that things are, hurting people is actually the only way to changing them. I do not recommend this, but it might make you feel better until the crippling sense of guilt takes over.
You can't think about suicide if you are too tired.
Absolutely un-fucking-true. I think about offing myself the most when I am tired, which is all the time. Taking on more responsibility probably works great for someone who doesn't already work themselves to near-death.
Put on some
banjo music and try not to think about the evils of the world man.
Ah, yes. The good old "don't think about all the horrible shit that smacks you in the face no matter how hard you try to run away from it all" trick. Think about the impossibility of what you just said for a sec. Literally absolutely every single last bit of our lives are being fucked with by people we don't even have the luxury of punching in the face or killing, at least, directly. How could you not think about it? Stay on any line of thought for long enough, no matter how innocuous it may be, and eventually it'll go back to "oh, the man took that away from me, too".
I dunno about you, but I would feel worse about myself if I tried not to care.
If that's the case it's clear someone or thing fucked you in the head from an early age. The only way to fix that is to put the work in that means going to a shrink (the first one might not be right compatibility is everything when it comes to psychology) getting pills, making friends and an impact in the place and with the people around you. It's not easy dude but everyone's got their shit, but having others to share the load and living a meaningful live will always make it better.
Psychology and Psychiatry are not sciences, shrinks don't give a fuck about you, and nobody who wishes to exist as a being of free agency would ever subject themselves to a person who has the power to remove all of your rights, without even having to go through the state. They can have you imprisoned, they can take your guns away, they can keep you from ever living a normal life. There's no money in fixing you, but there's plenty of money in throwing you in a padded room for eternity.
I can't promise you any easy solutions, but talking about it can help relieve the burden.
Nobody wants to hear about other people's problems. They just want to throw out a platitude, like "it'll get better, just you wait you have so much to live for and life is a super cool adventure just try to be happy after all it's all down to your frame of mind uwu". Once you start actually delving into your issues, is around the same time your words become white noise to most people.
You're an irreplaceable human soul with your own unique understanding of what it means to suffer. The part that's a real bummer is the fact that nobody cares, and frankly, who could possibly blame them? Life is suffering, and every picosecond of corporeal existence sucks. Just deal with it. Or don't.
