Containment Super Mega Pet Thread

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I wish I could rescue those poor, obese, neglected beagles and give them a good home where they'll be loved, taken care of, put on a diet with high quality food, and be able to play with other dogs, kids, and adults. Of all the animals locked up in that festering pile of filth and garbage the Chandlers call a home, the dogs are who my heart goes out to most. The bipedal animals living there can rot in their own filth for all I care, but it's cruel for them to keep other living creatures in that squalor with them. I'm just glad that Chris will never have children.
 
The Dude said:
I wish I could rescue those poor, obese, neglected beagles and give them a good home where they'll be loved, taken care of, put on a diet with high quality food, and be able to play with other dogs, kids, and adults.
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And you'll name them George.



...sorry.
 
Mark Corrigan said:
And you'll name them George.



...sorry.
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Sadly the dogs have had their names long enough that they'll never respond to anything else but the moronic names Chris gave them. I mean, Clover is OK I suppose, but only a drooling Mongoloid would name a beagle Snoopy. It's just so cliché, and makes little sense when the beagle in question doesn't even have the same colors or markings as the Peanuts character.
 
The Dude said:
Sadly the dogs have had their names long enough that they'll never respond to anything else but the moronic names Chris gave them. I mean, Clover is OK I suppose, but only a drooling Mongoloid would name a beagle Snoopy. It's just so cliché, and makes little sense when the beagle in question doesn't even have the same colors or markings as the Peanuts character.
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Didn't Barb name Snoopy? When your tard comes up with better pet names than you do...
 
Ophelia said:
Didn't Barb name Snoopy? When your tard comes up with better pet names than you do...
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Could be. It's something an unoriginal, geriatric harpy would name her beagle. But it's also something a lazy, unoriginal, Autistic bumblefuck like Chris would name a beagle, and Chris is a big Peanuts/Snoopy fan. Either way it's a stupid, uninspired, unoriginal name.
 
The various Chandler pets over the years, in my opinion, are best described with two words: Parasite smorgasbord.

Not to anyone's surprise, the Chandlers themselves are more of a parasitic infection than the tapeworms, toxoplasmosis, and kidney worms likely living inside their pets.

Cats commonly carry toxoplasmosis, a parasite which increases your chances of being dumb and delusional after you infect yourself via contamination with cat feces. The longer it stays inside you, the more prone you are to be clumsy and careless, the more prone you are to believe stupid things possibly due to the decrease in intelligence; however, some people are resistant to the infection, while others are not. Chris may very well be the latter. This infection hypothesis, combined with his autism, may help us to better understand why he is who he is, and why he never improves.

Drugs like the one "Pharma Bro" Martin Shkreli raised the price of from $13 to $750 are used to suppress parasitic infections like toxo; however, a few antipsychotics, specifically Haldol, also suppress parasites, keeping people from entering even deeper states of delusion and helping them return to reality. Really makes you think...
 
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Do you guys think that Patty lived a similar life to Clover and Snoopy? Or would Bob have cared enough to make sure she actually got taken care of properly?
 
Cyan said:
Do you guys think that Patty lived a similar life to Clover and Snoopy? Or would Bob have cared enough to make sure she actually got taken care of properly?
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She at least got to go outside. I'm not sure the beagles have seen sunlight since the day they were brought home, based on the fact that both of them have enough mass to craft a second dog out of each of them, and that they apparently shit/piss on newspaper instead of going out.
Patty also knew basic commands, I think? Beyond those two things though, eh. I don't know that Bob was the type to get into canine behavior and nutrition the way some dog owners do. All the dogs probably get shrieked at by Barb and eat lousy food.
 
Marvin probably could shed some light on that question, Patty had a dog house outside that weighed a grand number of pounds so I'd say circumstantially she had the better life compared to the Beagles to date. Plus lets face it, Snoopy and Clover aren't getting a whole comic in memory of them when they go unless it's commissioned unlike Patty's labor of love that was the only 1/2 readable issue of the whole run.
 
Cyan said:
Do you guys think that Patty lived a similar life to Clover and Snoopy? Or would Bob have cared enough to make sure she actually got taken care of properly?
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Better than the beagles, but still worse than a responsible dog owner.
 
U. cinereoargenteus said:
She at least got to go outside. I'm not sure the beagles have seen sunlight since the day they were brought home, based on the fact that both of them have enough mass to craft a second dog out of each of them, and that they apparently shit/piss on newspaper instead of going out.
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Very Honest Content said:
Marvin probably could shed some light on that question, Patty had a dog house outside that weighed a grand number of pounds so I'd say circumstantially she had the better life compared to the Beagles to date.
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Yeah, from what we can tell, not being permitted outside regularly is a big reason why the beagles are so fucked up. People have also noted that beagles are a high energy breed, making the situation all that much worse.
U. cinereoargenteus said:
All the dogs probably get shrieked at by Barb and eat lousy food.
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Well, food-wise, there's a question of if Patty was eating dog food or people food. Probably hinges on Bob's behavior.
 
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