wadi. TW: s***ide mention, graphic
Im sitting here writing this not really knowing how to start or what to say, so many friends, family, people i dont even know are hounding me about wadi and what happened between me and him, at first i wanted to say something because of the terrible situation he put me in, then the upsetness died down when his close friend housed me, and then i realized when everyone kept asking, it would follow me until i said something, so ill say everything i can in chronilogical order.
Before me and wadi got together, i was still living with my ex, im gonna call him squiddy, I recently found out squiddy had cheated on me (not specifying the details its really gross) after a year long relationship of being moved out and happily willing to be with him forever LOL. so i was going through it, a long while after the breakup i ended up hanging out with a friend while i found a place to live, i also ended up messaging wadi too because i heard from my friend there was a great chance he'd have a crush on me, so out of curiousity we talked.
At first I did not like wadi, he was not my type, he had a lot of red flags, and i hated how he viewed me which i'll get into. i just thought it was cool being friends with wadi and having the chance to hang out with him at tournies because he thought i was cool. we were friends for a solid minute until he confessed how he felt about me to which i declined him because i wasnt ready for a relationship and i wasnt that into him. after that eventually he said he didnt wanna be close or really be my friend (which was a huge red flag) and so we stopped talking because he was being super weird. during that time right after i rejected him, he ended up begging joi to get back with him to which she also declined.
fast foward to me living with a new friend, he ended up housing me for awhile while i looked for something permanent. the situation wasnt that well and it wasnt somewhere i felt that safe or happy at, but i appreciated him helping me at least get back on my feet after me and squiddy ended up breaking the lease and parting ways.
During this time i got a job and i was streaming everyday, doing anything i could to get back having anything, there were multiple times where i had less than 0 dollars in my bank account because of spending most of it on food / breaking the lease / paying squiddy's rent / car insurance and gas, etc. thats when wadi came back.
Wadi randomly came back into my life, i would tell him about my streams and he'd do what he could to help and give me advice to grow which i really appreciated. during the days i was accidentally locked out of the house because the guy was nervous about giving me a key. wadi would invite me to drive over or come out to visit me since he was only an hour away at the time. after sometime of talking, he asked me out again. this time i told no one and said yes to him, knowing all his red flags and all the weird things he said about me when we were friends at first, i knew he was a chaser, i had his dream body, dream voice, he liked everything physical about me, that i wasnt like cis women / older women. i was so nice and cute and i didnt nag him and i always did what he asked, he didnt want a woman, but he wanted someone who looked like one and had a penis. i knew it was sick, and i knew itd be wrong, but you'll take anything when you have nothing so i did, and after sometime, i started coming to his place in nova.
the first couple days i was out there with him, i was thinking about if the desicion i made would be right, i ended up pushing through it and helped him clean up his house and stayed up all night building his desk all on my own so he could start streaming asap. after a couple days, i left back home to stream and came back after sometime, thats when he started telling me that he wanted me to move in. at the time, i had a couple days of work completed and a super consistent stream schedule, my life was about to pick up, but he said he'd help me move in and have a solid set place to stay. he'd pay for my food, my bills, that he'd take care of me and that it'd be fine. so next time i left my friends house, i came back, quitting my job, i decided to live with him.
once i was back i immediately ended up seeing a set of lashes somewhere set up when i walked through the door that wadi didnt end up seeing, he got up out of bed and i asked him who's they were in a joking tone to which he claimed they mustve been joi's in one of the moving boxes. they looked recently used and joi said they werent hers, but it didnt matter if he ended up cheating already because i just needed any sort of security at the time, so i never asked him much after that.
now fast foward a bit to the time we made the huge twitter post about us coming out as dating, we made the post so i could claim wadi as being mine because he was still being quiet about us and i wanted to be seen as his when i went out with him because he almost seemed embarassed to be close or affectionate around me when he claims he's usually the opposite. we didnt expect the post to get as huge as it did though, every single post i made was proofread by him after that happened to defend him and his brand. he said nothing on his account, he wanted me to block the bullets for him, so while he streamed, i took most of the backlash for him during the ugliest point of it that drove me to making a main post defending him and driving off anyone attacking him. it ended up working but i was shaky and stressed the fuck out for days after. thats when it felt like our relationship was fully open and started.
i was basically wadi's 1940's housewife, i cooked for him, i cleaned for him, i got dolled up for him, and i never argued or gave him attitude ever everyday. its what we agreed on for me living there, he streamed and made money from that, and i did errands and all of what i listed, i wanted to make him as happy as possible so i could stay for as long as he let me. during that time though i felt like i was being a bad girlfriend.
because of the medication i take as a t-girl, my libido gets lowered to basically nothing, making me almost asexual, i have no desire to have sex and i told him im more into the cutesy love stuff and all that, anytime i have sex its usually just to make someone happy. i would do a lot most days which would make me exhausted, paired with my low libido, i felt super bad because he claimed i wasnt as *active as his exes*, there was one night where i was super tired from cooking and cleaning and being up late at night, but he said i wasnt allowed to go to sleep until i gave him head. i thought he was joking so i pretended to sleep like the whole *mi mi mi mi mi snore* shit, but he was dead serious. so i did what he told me to and it was exhausting, uncomfortable and smelled terrible, luckily i was faced the other direction so when i started to cry he didnt notice, when i was done, i quickly left to spit it out and have a minute to myself in the bathroom to cry. i didnt know if i could count it as rape because i was his and i felt bad for not being so sexual around him but it really felt like it. i could only look at myself in disgust at the mirror after doing what i did and tried to pull it together in front of him so i could just sleep.
a little while after this, i got back from moving more stuff in so i could officially start streaming at his place which was a 4 hour drive, i was sat up beside him on the floor while he was playing league and was gonna start on dinner after talking to him. i randomly felt the need to apologize to him about my low libido, thats when he said it bothered him, he claimed he wished i was more into sex, and i told him that i enjoy making him happy and its not an issue for me, its just my medication but he said it really bothered him. i kept asking him about why its an issue until he back pedaled and said he didnt have a reason, he just wasnt built for relationships.
i didnt know what to say in shock since ive only been there for 2 weeks, i had no money, no friends or family, no job no status, my mom had a full house, everything was at his place and it was 1am so i just asked him softly if he wanted me to move out and leave, he said yes, so i immediately started packing and took some time in the bathroom to cry and think. i just ended up tweeting my thoughts to my circle, i planned to k*ll myself because he took everything from me, he broke me off from all my friendships, made me hate the women around me, my friends, just so i could be all his. i had absolutely nothing and no reason to live.
his close friend ended up seeing my tweets and texted me saying he knew this was gonna happen, just not so soon. he offered to house me until i found out somewhere to live. so i packed as fast as i could, during all of this wadi kept trying to hug me and get close to me, i just asked him to get away from me. the friend was cussing him out in dms and getting me and joi back in contact since we had eachother blocked during this. he wanted me to hate her, he said nasty things about her as a person, her appearance. he helped me formulate dms to respond to her during the coming out drama by proofreading everything i said to her, luckily she knew he was probably just manipulating me and took it as water under the bridge. we related on our experiences while the break up was happening, him coming to us when we had nothing left, him using us until he was bored of us and dropping us with nothing when he was done with us, claiming he'd get therapy and that he wouldnt date ever again, him talking about his exes (especially cinnamon) all the time and always bringing them up. it was sick watching the same things unfold again but to me, i even ended up being housed by THE SAME GUY joi was housed by when he dumped her. he didnt want us to be friends so we wouldnt find out about him being a repeat offender. once everything was packed up at 3am and i was getting ready to make the 4 hour drive to his friends, he ran out asking if he could give me a hug, i said no in disgust and left immediately.
he's since then dm'd all of his friends claiming he was wrong and that he's definently gonna get therapy this time for their validation, i just want him to understand the severity of the situation he put me and joi in, being left with nothing at all. he told both of us word for word that we're "going through this together" and that "hes hurting too". he is a danger to the women in the scene, a trans fetishizer, a manipulator, a bully, and hes NOT a victim. theres plenty more i could say about him but this is just my story and what i have to say. i have nothing more to add, its time to move past this, fuck you wadi.