Anyone else had experience with children of lesbian mothers?
Pardon the PL, but I am living a lot of this right now.
My husband and I had to use IVF. It worked beautifully, we have a great kid and a happy little family. It was super expensive and invasive, but we wanted a shot at having a kid with our own genetics.
We did research adoption, and in my jurisdiction that means either some sketchy international baby trafficking that cost twice as much as IVF, or adoption from foster care, which means a fetal alcohol syndrome abused native kid, who would have to be in a relationship with its fucked up birth family if they wanted it. I admire anyone willing to take that on, but that wasn’t for us.
At the same time, a lesbian couple closely related to us did IVF (they did fail IUI a few times and had to go to full IVF). They had twin boys. So that’s my boy and their boys born within a few months of each other so I’m seeing this play out in real time.
The lesbians are in hell. They hate men, and weren’t legally allowed to screen for sex in the fertility clinic, and probably assumed they’d get at least one girl. They can’t afford another IVF round, so these poor boys are 100% of their kids.
They drink. Like, the two of them go through two bottles of gin a week, typically imbibed after the boys got to bed. Their marriage is incredibly stressed, I’m not sure how they are keeping it together. Just very thinly veiled hostility to one another when we are around them.
One of the lesbians is pretty chill, she was always kind of outdoorsy and athletic so she can roll with the rambunctiousness, and is not hostile towards men. The other one is a political lesbian, and haaaates males.
What’s funny is, the political lesbian does not want to be judged negatively so she tries so hard to be a good mom. So I don’t want to shit on her but she doesn’t like anything about rowdy young boys.
The boys are kind of like cats. They don’t pay attention to anyone or warm up to them, other than my husband, who will roughhouse with them, so they just hang off of him. They just run over political lesbian mom, who I think feel guilty about how she feels about them. Sporty lesbian tries but gets overruled constantly.
Anyways, all the kids are just entering school age (although the twins have been in daycare since infancy) so it is still playing out, but from the outside it does not look easy at all.