Infected Sword Enthusiasts - folded up to a million times!

[Pepsi-Cola]

A big thank you to @Billy_Sama for inspiring this thread.

These guys are fucking everywhere, especially on YouTube. For whatever the reason, swords, especially Katanas, are the prefered weapon of autists. It seems like you can't search the word 'sword' on YouTube, or even Google for that matter, without bumping into dozens of videos of wannabe-samurais flailing swords around, usually enacting some kind of power fantasy. But, I'll just let the videos speak for themselves.

 

[Gaol]

I think this is quite relevant.

 

[Milford Grimley]

Are all sword enthusiasts morbidly obese? You'd think they'd burn some calories playing around with swords.

 

[Billy_Sama]

Make fun of them as much as you want but they provide a lively industry for flea market vendors importing cheap swords based on popular anime or Final Fantasy games.

 

[norrington]

Oh man, the first one sounds like he has a mild stroke when he says the name of the sword.

The second one is just priceless, like a human embodiment of Eric Cartman (lispy voice and all), but actually kind of genuine and trying to help. The description referenced in the title of his video is basically a disclaimer suggesting you buy a gun and use homeowner's insurance, closing with this hypothetical:

Use your surroundings, think about who you live with, what your enemy is, what they're equipped with. Most of the time, a burglar won't have their gun at the ready, it'll be in their pocket or stuck in their pants, perhaps in a holster. BE SMART, BE FAST, BE READY, BE SAFE.

I can't stop imagining an actual burglar running into this kid in the middle of a robbery while I'm watching this video, it's absolutely incredible. Beautiful.

EDIT: Second vid @ approx 2:20 mark "I keep talking and I'm talking so much I can't even take a breath." I think there might be another explanation for your getting so winded, friend.

 

[butt in trouble]

Pretty much what would happen to these people.

 

[HG 400]

This guy is the most autistic one out there check otu his channel holy shit lol

 

[autisticdragonkin]

Not only are swords less effective but they are also more difficult to carry around with you, require more physical strength, and have higher upkeep cost (you don't need to buy ammo but you still need to clean your sword with specialized equipment which will be more expensive now) so there is no benefit to swords

 

[HG 400]

Not only are swords less effective but they are also more difficult to carry around with you, require more physical strength, and have higher upkeep cost (you don't need to buy ammo but you still need to clean your sword with specialized equipment which will be more expensive now) so there is no benefit to swords

I rated you late. 400 years late.

 

[Squealer]

Why bows are better

 

[BILLY MAYS]

That's it. I'm sick of all this "Katanas are retarded" bullshit that's going on right now. Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.

Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.

Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.

Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen.

 

[Super Collie]

Can't have this thread without this classic:

The big doofus that walks out at the end is Tom O'Dell, he's now the host of an infomercial called Cutlery Corner. He almost fucked up himself once upon a time:

Cutlery Corner has mostly gotten their act together these days, but I've been a casual viewer for almost a decade and it used to be a real shit show. Here's a highlight reel of some older CC clips:

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Are all sword enthusiasts morbidly obese?

Spoiler: powerlevel?

I remember a guy who was looking into getting a sword cane once -- and I think he was also fat. The guy claimed he needed one for self-defense.

 

[PacSol]

That's it. I'm sick of all this "Katanas are retarded" bullshit that's going on right now. Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.

Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.

Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.

Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen.

Everyone knows the Shinguntou (Imperial Japanese Army officer swords) were mass-produced pieces of crap useful for maybe chopping wood, hurting yourself, and little else. And that the reason for million fold technique was to compensate for the crappy iron Japanese swordsmiths had to work with.

 

[autisticdragonkin]

Everyone knows the Shinguntou (Imperial Japanese Army officer swords) were mass-produced pieces of crap useful for maybe chopping wood, hurting yourself, and little else. And that the reason for million fold technique was to compensate for the crappy iron Japanese swordsmiths had to work with.

It also wasn't a million folds it was about 4-15 folds

 

[John Titor]

Everyone knows the Shinguntou (Imperial Japanese Army officer swords) were mass-produced pieces of crap useful for maybe chopping wood, hurting yourself, and little else. And that the reason for million fold technique was to compensate for the crappy iron Japanese swordsmiths had to work with.

It also wasn't a million folds it was about 4-15 folds

> People still fall for the old copypasta

That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Bastard Sword" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.

Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.

Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.

Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Katanas:

(One-Handed Exotic Weapon)
1d12 Damage
19-20 x4 Crit
+2 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork

(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon)
2d10 Damage
17-20 x4 Crit
+5 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork

Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Katanas in real life, don't you think?

tl;dr = Katanas need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.

 

[Tranhuviya]

Why is it always Katanas? Perhaps anime and Japanese vidya depicting them all as unstoppable murder machines, that kill with the wind from their swings? Also, related:

It's a parody of these types.

 

[AnOminous]

So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen.

Nice pasta. A true autistic classic.

Why is it that no morbidly obese nerds go around with halberds and glaives and other pole arms?

 

[Girlfriend-free Boy]

Why is it that no morbidly obese nerds go around with halberds and glaives and other pole arms?

Funnily enough, the guy in the second video of the OP made another video where he demonstrated some pretty impressive knowledge of history. He actually noted how the katana wasn't the primary weapon of the samurai, they mostly used pole arms. Was pleasantly surprised.

 

[MysticMisty]

Make fun of them as much as you want but they provide a lively industry for flea market vendors importing cheap swords based on popular anime or Final Fantasy games.

For as long as I can remember when my mom goes to the local fair without fail she will always go into the building where the vendors set up shop despite never buying anything. Since my teenage years (and probably even now) I have seen an Asian vendor selling cheap weeb junk (presumably bootleg) alongside "katanas" and random ninja "weapons". I've never seen anybody buying the garbage, but they keep setting up shop so someone must be.

As for why katanas, I'll put all my bets on Rurouni Kenshin.