Tabletop Roleplaying Games (D&D, Pathfinder, CoC, ETC.)

[Adamska]

The biggest stupidity? Ironically adventuring would be what fixes the disability, since the only limitation to fixes are money. Hell, even then you can probably cleric shop until you find a healer who tends to do charitable works.

Disabilities and troons would be a lot less common in a setting where you can magically heal broken spines, damaged motor cortexes, and belts of gender flipping exist. Sure, poor peasants being crippled and in chairs makes sense; unless they have adventuring kin that help them out, or have a cleric come by healing the ill and giving alms, that's kind of hard to get money to restore or imbue function.

But a troon who truly wants to be woman body and soul would find an adventurer or adventure themselves if they don't want to 41% themselves.

 

[Ghostse]

The biggest stupidity? Ironically adventuring would be what fixes the disability, since the only limitation to fixes are money. Hell, even then you can probably cleric shop until you find a healer who tends to do charitable works.

Disabilities and troons would be a lot less common in a setting where you can magically heal broken spines, damaged motor cortexes, and belts of gender flipping exist. Sure, poor peasants being crippled and in chairs makes sense; unless they have adventuring kin that help them out, or have a cleric come by healing the ill and giving alms, that's kind of hard to get money to restore or imbue function.

But a troon who truly wants to be woman body and soul would find an adventurer or adventure themselves if they don't want to 41% themselves.

In my worlds, if you are crippled/deformed its because of a curse or a choice.

I've only run/played systems where there are no wounding body parts or on-going injuries for the players beyond magic diseases (And I don't think I'd enjoy running or playing a game with that level of spergy realism.) And if its good enough for the players, its good enough for the NPCS.

I don't go in for torture porn so I tell my players that if they try to mutilate their enemies, it'll be a fatal injury. (in one case they had a wight they wanted to de-claw. I told them they could give him a trim and give him a -2 to attack if he got lose, but if you're cutting off his hands or fingers, that shock on a 0-hp creature would kill it. We aren't playing Hostel, and if you want to play Hostel you can find a new game.).

Of course, that doesn't preclude magical diseases that the local cleric can't fix. And I usually have the Torog cultists usually do something to themselves to bring themselves closer to Torog, but that's because they choose to remain that way.

 

[Kup]

Please, tell us. I'd love to hear how bad it went.

Alright, gather around.

So, everything is relatively reopened and the owner of my local game store held two reopening events, one to make money and another for the regulars.

I think he wanted to be a writer but that didn’t work out, so instead he has a big connected-world that had like four+ ongoing campaigns and 24 of us as characters in that world. Every Monday, we have a session and newbies are always welcome.

So, to set the scene. My party is in a coastal region, you’ve got Aurous the Almighty our token dwarf paladin/prince, Nubari Antanar our token black-fighter-statesman, Olmos our elf artificer/sociopath, Helgryn our barbarian pit fighter and me, Varr-Tremmic a pureblood Vampire Lord who was formerly the party’s dedicated mage. Now he’s kind of a hybrid. For simplicity’s sake I’ll refer to each player by their character’s name.

So for COVID, the world entered a “long winter” which had recently thawed and it’s a soft fresh start. We’re sitting at the table, catching up while the DM gets ready. Then she approaches, a dangerhair with the tattoos and eyebrow piercing. Worst of all she’s an attractive dangerhair, she asks to join and Olmos says yes fucking immediately. Though karma sets in and she sits next to Helgryn’s player who is female.

So the DM adapts on the fly and adds Armala to our party….. an outlaw archeologist…… I don’t know how it works.

Our characters all receive letters summoning them to a decrepit shrine to our old big-bad, when we gather that’s when she puts her mini on the table. We all do a double take and me being the group cunt ask “what the fuck is that?”

She assumed I was being funny and said “that’s my mini” with a grin. It was her, the mini was literally her in a wooden wheely-chair. She tells us that she has a map to some lost treasure or something like that, for us this was a warmup. An artifact containing the other portion of the map was in my castle and our party was off.

She took a smoke break and while she was gone the DM locked eyes with me and asked “is your castle handi-accessible?”

I’ve never said no faster in my life, we arrive and go to ascend the staircase. Here’s the conversation
Wheelie: Great I take the ramp.
DM: There….. is no ramp
Wheelie: What?
DM: Yeah…..
Me: (in character) A simple problem merits a simple solution. Slaves, carry this woman up the stairs!
Wheelie: Wait you have slaves?!
Me: Hundreds
Wheelie: (turns and looks at Nubari) You can’t be okay with this!
Nubari: It is….. a necessary evil.

BTW Nubari’s player is actually black so it’s extra funny. We go through the castle and the entire fucking time she’s either chewing me out for having slaves, chewing the others out for allowing this, trying to incite a slave revolt with brainwashed thralls and in general annoying us. The next freak out came when we passed by my throne. Here’s the convo.

DM: You pass by the charnel throne, seat of a thousand warlords. Lashed to this jagged seat are two of Varr’s concubines, dressed in rags and pale.
Wheelie: HE HAS WOMEN CHAINED TO HIS THRONE?!
Me: Thralls, I have thralls chained to my throne
Wheelie: I didn’t realize this campaign enabled misogyny and the abuse of women
Helgryn: It doesn’t, he’s a fucking vampire it’s what they do.

Wheelie sneers at me at eventually we continue on, we do the dungeon with me sabotaging her at every turn like I’d said, I’ll continue in another post.

 

[Kup]

Alright, gather around.

So, everything is relatively reopened and the owner of my local game store held two reopening events, one to make money and another for the regulars.

I think he wanted to be writer but that didn’t work out, so instead he has a big connected-world that had like four+ ongoing campaigns and 24 of us as characters in that world. Every Monday, we have a session and newbies are always welcome.

So, to set the scene. My party is in a coastal region, you’ve got Aurous the Almighty our token dwarf paladin/prince, Nubari Antanar our token black-fighter-statesman, Olmos our elf artificer/sociopath, Helgryn our barbarian pit fighter and me, Varr-Tremmic a pureblood Vampire Lord who was formerly the party’s dedicated mage. Now he’s kind of a hybrid. For simplicity’s sake I’ll refer to each player by their character’s name.

So for COVID, the world entered a “long winter” which had recently thawed and it’s a soft fresh start. We’re sitting at the table, catching up while the DM gets ready. Then she approaches, a dangerhair with the tattoos and eyebrow piercing. Worst of all she’s an attractive dangerhair, she asks to join and Olmos says yes fucking immediately. Though karma sets in and she sits next to Helgryn’s player who is female.

So the DM adapts on the fly and adds Armala to our party….. an outlaw archeologist…… I don’t know how it works.

Our characters all receive letters summoning them to a decrepit shrine to our old big-bad, when we gather that’s when she puts her mini on the table. We all do a double take and me being the group cunt ask “what the fuck is that?”

She assumed I was being funny and said “that’s my mini” with a grin. It was her, the mini was literally her in a wooden wheely-chair. She tells us that she has a map to some lost treasure or something like that, for us this was a warmup. An artifact containing the other portion of the map was in my castle and our party was off.

She took a smoke break and while she was gone the DM locked eyes with me and asked “is your castle handi-accessible?”

I’ve never said no faster in my life, we arrive and go to ascend the staircase. Here’s the conversation
Wheelie: Great I take the ramp.
DM: There….. is no ramp
Wheelie: What?
DM: Yeah…..
Me: (in character) A simple problem merits a simple solution. Slaves, carry this woman up the stairs!
Wheelie: Wait you have slaves?!
Me: Hundreds
Wheelie: (turns and looks at Nubari) You can’t be okay with this!
Nubari: It is….. a necessary evil.

BTW Nubari’s player is actually black so it’s extra funny. We go through the castle and the entire fucking time she’s either chewing me out for having slaves, chewing the others out for allowing this, trying to incite a slave revolt with brainwashed thralls and in general annoying us. The next freak out came when we passed by my throne. Here’s the convo.

DM: You pass by the charnel throne, seat of a thousand warlords. Lashed to this jagged seat are two of Varr’s concubines, dressed in rags and pale.
Wheelie: HE HAS WOMEN CHAINED TO HIS THRONE?!
Me: Thralls, I have thralls chained to my throne
Wheelie: I didn’t realize this campaign enabled misogyny and the abuse of women
Helgryn: It doesn’t, he’s a fucking vampire it’s what they do.

Wheelie sneers at me at eventually we continue on, we do the dungeon with me sabotaging her at every turn like I’d said, I’ll continue in another post.

Continued, so we press on. Me doing my best to make my blatant sabotage look unintentional. The crowning moment of this story, the reason this has it’s own post is when we’re sailing and we have to go underwater, naturally that’s a big fucking problem when one of your members is a gimp…… here is the convo.

Wheelie: Perhaps we should return to the mainland and find a golem for me to control so I can help you when you guys dive
Me: How about this.

She wanted us to delay completing the quest in favour of shopping for a golem, I instead cast a blood magic-enhanced healing spell….. specially on Wheelie’s L4 and L5 vertebrae…….

Wheelie: Why did you that?
Me: Now you can join us in the dungeon and you aren’t disabled anymore.
Wheelie: I WASN’T DISABLED!

She nuclear screamed that last one and the entire store turned and stared. The DM knew exactly what he was doing when he let me get away with that spell.

She stomps out, leaving her sheet and miniature, story-wise the DM just added her to my thralls.

After two weeks the Store Owner let me keep my “trophies” the miniature and character sheet. To this very day most castles in our shared campaign are not handi-accessible and gatekeeping is still unofficially officially enforced.

Early and often.

 

[Corn Flakes]

That's quite the entertaining yarn, @Thundermania. I'm not going to call bullshit on it, but I have to say: I'm amazed at how patient the dangerhair was, my man.

'Round these parts dangerhairs almost universally pitch a fit, scream for a minute or two, and leave in a huff only the second or third time they don't get what they want. I think the record was one who lasted two whole sessions quietly seething before going straight to the store owner to try to get my GM banned.

 

[Raoul_Duke]

Holy shit that is fucking Hilarious

 

[Kup]

That's quite the entertaining yarn, @Thundermania. I'm not going to call bullshit on it, but I have to say: I'm amazed at how patient the dangerhair was, my man.

'Round these parts dangerhairs almost universally pitch a fit, scream for a minute or two, and leave in a huff only the second or third time they don't get what they want. I think the record was one who lasted two whole sessions quietly seething before going straight to the store owner to try to get my GM banned.

For the sake of not writing a novel I left out how the dwarf and elf placated her. I think it became an endurance thing for her, she had experience playing and it was clear she wanted that retarded wheelchair to be “her thing” and the funny thing is that two of the other tables would’ve taken her with open arms.

She literally chose the worst possible table to walk up to, maybe it was us having a black and a woman that made us seem approachable.

 

[Capsaicin Addict]

Keep in mind that a lot of these dangerhairs won't actually detonate at first, because they're so intoxicated on their own farts they won't realize they're being mocked.

 

[Kup]

Keep in mind that a lot of these dangerhairs won't actually detonate at first, because they're so intoxicated on their own farts they won't realize they're being mocked.

Precisely, when you put your mini on the table and the first response is from the douchebag across the table saying “what the fuck is that?”

A normal would clue in that it was a very direct insult. These speds not so much, then again a normal wouldn’t try to turn the table on a guy because he has made up slaves.

 

[Snekposter]

"I didn’t realize this campaign enabled misogyny and the abuse of women."
"It doesn’t, he’s a fucking vampire it’s what they do."

You have some of the best gaming partners I have ever seen.

 

[Kup]

You have some of the best gaming partners I have ever seen.

Once you find a good group you stick with them, plus all (true) vampires are sex pests. Even the cranky old vampire lords that look like bats.

 

[Snekposter]

Once you find a good group you stick with them, plus all (true) vampires are sex pests. Even the cranky old vampire lords that look like bats.

You're not wrong. Vlad von Carstein looks worse than a Fallout ghoul and he's still managed to keep Isabella by his side somehow. I guess the husband you know is better than the husband you don't when you're immortal.

That said, every good conqueror has hot thralls chained up before him. Asdrubael Vect, man of culture that he is, used to have some hot babes chained up on his Dais of Destruction before the 5e model updates.

Please tell me your throne had the skulls of your foes mounted on it.

 

[Kup]

You're not wrong. Vlad von Carstein looks worse than a Fallout ghoul and he's still managed to keep Isabella by his side somehow. I guess the husband you know is better than the husband you don't when you're immortal.

That said, every good conqueror has hot thralls chained up before him. Asdrubael Vect, man of culture that he is, used to have some hot babes chained up on his Dais of Destruction before the 5e model updates.
View attachment 2402005
Please tell me your throne had the skulls of your foes mounted on it.

I’ve actually been vague with the throne description for my group, deliberately so. The DM thinks I should rebase my mini because my character stands at a full seven feet and realistically shouldn’t take up the same space as one of the normals.

So I’m taking the opportunity to go all out. In addition to making a new model I’m also making the throne, it’ll be for social situations so base size doesn’t matter. I’m thinking Varr sitting in a traditional wine sipping pose, two thralls lashed to it kneeling at his feet with an immense skull making up the back with a stake sticking out of each eye socket (four in total) and the stakes wearing loads of bloody fresh skulls. Might model the throne room down the line. Since war is on the horizon in our campaign (the tables are gonna try and kill each other) it might be well to have a proper court room.

The old Vect model is actually an inspiration for this one, though the women chained to this throne will actually look like biological women unlike those old Dark Eldar slaves.

 

[Snekposter]

I’ve actually been vague with the throne description for my group, deliberately so. The DM thinks I should rebase my mini because my character stands at a full seven feet and realistically shouldn’t take up the same space as one of the normals.

So I’m taking the opportunity to go all out. In addition to making a new model I’m also making the throne, it’ll be for social situations so base size doesn’t matter. I’m thinking Varr sitting in a traditional wine sipping pose, two thralls lashed to it kneeling at his feet with an immense skull making up the back with a stake sticking out of each eye socket (four in total) and the stakes wearing loads of bloody fresh skulls. Might model the throne room down the line. Since war is on the horizon in our campaign (the tables are gonna try and kill each other) it might be well to have a proper court room.

The old Vect model is actually an inspiration for this one, though the women chained to this throne will actually look like biological women unlike those old Dark Eldar slaves.

Very nice. And the women looking like they do is GW's fault. They can never model attractive women. Or women at all, really. They're much better-looking in Dawn of War: Soulstorm. Even move around on there, too.

 

[Corn Flakes]

That said, every good conqueror has hot thralls chained up before him. Asdrubael Vect, man of culture that he is, used to have some hot babes chained up on his Dais of Destruction before the 5e model updates.
View attachment 2402005

It also works the other way around. A conqueress (she-conqueror? Female conqueror) also gets to have hot thralls chained up before her. Male and/or female, depending on taste. Evil can be surprisingly equal-opportunity.

 

[Wormy]

Wheelie: I didn’t realize this campaign enabled misogyny and the abuse of women

Dammit, I never get real SJW's in my group to torment. Just once, ONCE, I'd like a real one to fuck with...

plus all (true) vampires are sex pests.

Vampire: Requiem group
-Lesbian madame pimp
-Security company CEO who used his secretary staff as Herd (me)
-Preacher who's primary thralls were little old ladies
-Region's prince who took females of a particular local bloodline for Herd

 

[Ghostse]

adds Armala to our party….. an outlaw archeologist…… I don’t know how it works.

Oh fucking god. A Dr. Aphra fan.

For those fortunate enough to not know who that is:
Dr.Aphra was originally a joke character introduced in the Vader Comics. Her "job" was outlaw archeologist she mostly played a slightly off-kilter What-if-Indiana-Jones-was-a-sociopath parody character who was there to offer whedon-quips and emote so Vader wouldn't have to. Fast forward a bit, and I dunno about the fans but the writers loved her and had her escape death when Vader was done with her, and get her own Star Wars comic series.

Since then, she has become a QBLT++++++++++++++++ symbol by having them make her very explicitly gay with a sassy black girlfriend and generally have her outwit and outfight every Star Wars character.
Oh and she's Asian; brown but the whitest highest-yellow brown you can get.

So of course Danger Hair based her character off of her.

I’m also making the throne, it’ll be for social situations so base size doesn’t matter. I’m thinking Varr sitting in a traditional wine sipping pose, two thralls lashed to it

Honor demands you get an xacto knife and carve away the wheelchair from one of your thralls.
Naturally so greatful and awed by your ability to heal her crippling....cripple, that she has devoted herself body and soul to your undead greatness.

 

[ZMOT]

Dr. Aphra

oh ffs almost had that shit purged from my mind...

 

[Adamska]

Oh fucking god. A Dr. Aphra fan.

For those fortunate enough to not know who that is:
Dr.Aphra was originally a joke character introduced in the Vader Comics. Her "job" was outlaw archeologist she mostly played a slightly off-kilter What-if-Indiana-Jones-was-a-sociopath parody character who was there to offer whedon-quips and emote so Vader wouldn't have to. Fast forward a bit, and I dunno about the fans but the writers loved her and had her escape death when Vader was done with her, and get her own Star Wars comic series.

Since then, she has become a QBLT++++++++++++++++ symbol by having them make her very explicitly gay with a sassy black girlfriend and generally have her outwit and outfight every Star Wars character.
Oh and she's Asian; brown but the whitest highest-yellow brown you can get.

So of course Danger Hair based her character off of her.



Honor demands you get an xacto knife and carve away the wheelchair from one of your thralls.
Naturally so greatful and awed by your ability to heal her crippling....cripple, that she has devoted herself body and soul to your undead greatness.

Yeah I kinda figured the delusional screaming child was referencing Aphra.

For those wondering, only the writers and a couple of subreddits ACTUALLY like her to the point of buying her books. Her popularity is mostly artificial if you hear idiots mention her. They only like the idea, and do not pay for her shitty, shitty, comics.

 

[Kup]

Dammit, I never get real SJW's in my group to torment. Just once, ONCE, I'd like a real one to fuck with...


Vampire: Requiem group
-Lesbian madame pimp
-Security company CEO who used his secretary staff as Herd (me)
-Preacher who's primary thralls were little old ladies
-Region's prince who took females of a particular local bloodline for Herd

This was my only IRL DnD encounter with one, but as soon as I saw that chair I had to do it.

Oh fucking god. A Dr. Aphra fan.

For those fortunate enough to not know who that is:
Dr.Aphra was originally a joke character introduced in the Vader Comics. Her "job" was outlaw archeologist she mostly played a slightly off-kilter What-if-Indiana-Jones-was-a-sociopath parody character who was there to offer whedon-quips and emote so Vader wouldn't have to. Fast forward a bit, and I dunno about the fans but the writers loved her and had her escape death when Vader was done with her, and get her own Star Wars comic series.

Since then, she has become a QBLT++++++++++++++++ symbol by having them make her very explicitly gay with a sassy black girlfriend and generally have her outwit and outfight every Star Wars character.
Oh and she's Asian; brown but the whitest highest-yellow brown you can get.

So of course Danger Hair based her character off of her.



Honor demands you get an xacto knife and carve away the wheelchair from one of your thralls.
Naturally so greatful and awed by your ability to heal her crippling....cripple, that she has devoted herself body and soul to your undead greatness.

I actually remember back in 2016 being annoyed that she survived that comic.

I think dangerhair intended to hook her character up with the barbarian, so that’s another point in the Aphra comparison.

Actually for my non-combat thralls the minis I use are those coomer Manufaktura ones, normally detestable but they make sense in the context and I sculpt clothes onto them.

Yeah I kinda figured the delusional screaming child was referencing Aphra.

For those wondering, only the writers and a couple of subreddits ACTUALLY like her to the point of buying her books. Her popularity is mostly artificial if you hear idiots mention her. They only like the idea, and do not pay for her shitty, shitty, comics.

Dr Aphra had an SDCC box set with her and her droids, I know it lingered for years on collector sites like BBTS. Should speak to the mountainous popularity of this character.