Taika Waititi's Time Bandits - Unfortuntately, it's real

Oh you son of a fucking bitch, I just realized what this was a remake of, and of course, it was a amazing niche classic.

At this point you can't convince me there aren't a bunch of white progressive cucks deep diving into their childhood's looking to remember anything white and wholesome they can have destroyed with a diversity hire remake.

I wonder if at some point people will look back at this period in history and just acknowledge it as the period where everything had to have a diversity hire remake....
 
Taika Watiti's writing is comparable to that one kid in English class who didn't read the book but showed up to present anyway. Except instead of doing a presentation on the book, he just wings it and makes retarded self deprecating jokes about he slept in and was too busy jerking his dick to hentai to make a power point presentation. Some of his classmates laugh at this clownish display and one or two even mistake his incompetence for confidence, but the teacher ultimately ends up failing his assignment and asks him to redo it.

The only difference is that he's brown and Hollywood is determined to push his garbage movies to the forefront of our culture. I fucking hate Taika Watiti.
 
Charlyne Yi has spent around twenty years on and off my radar as a cow. Though I don't care enough to make a thread for her, I'm surprised there isn't already one:

When it comes to Hollywood, people talk about nepo babies, industry plants, astroturfed minorities, and people who've slept or blackmailed their way to the top. However, there's a breed which tends to fly under the radar of discussion; which is the charity cases who consistently bite the hand that feeds:

The short of it is that, twenty years ago, Charlyne was apparently an Uwu Smol Bean open mic-er who was equally mediocre as a standup, singer-songwriter, and dramatic actor. Because her only real skill was epitomizing histrionic personality disorder, more successful acts would take her at her word that she was the Biggest Victim in The History of Ever-Anything, then take her on as an opening act or cast her in bit parts of television and film projects.

She's basically spent her entire adult life burning each bridge she comes to before she can cross it. Her endless cycle consists of:

-Being cast in some production as a personal favor from someone who believes one of her many conflicting sob stories
- Derailing the production by claiming that literally everyone is victimizing her in some way, with pertinent details embellished in every subsequent retelling
- Waiting until the production is finished and due to start being marketed before she runs to the press in an attempt to maximize negative publicity for said project
- Having a social media meltdown in which she writes open letters to abusers who aren't reading the posts; earning many updoots and hugs in the process
- Announces that she is quitting acting/comedy/music/social media (she never stays gone)

I think she's currently claiming to be an austistic trans Tagalog or something; expecting to be referred to as "Lo" (which means "uncle") while still presenting as female so she can accuse people of misgendering her in subsequent social media meltdowns.

She's been divorced, and periodically accuses her longsuffering parents of heinous shit. To me, Charlyne's like a combination of the worst traits of lolcows such as Olivia Munn and Dave Muscato.

 
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‘Time Bandits’: Terry Gilliam Reflects On The Evolution Of Family & Fantasy Films Ahead Of Criterion 4K Release [Interview]
June 14, 2023 - "This interview has been edited for length and clarity." [according to the site, not me]
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(I went looking for Gilliam's opinion on the new series and found this from 2023. It's about a lot of his stuff. It's three pages long but a good read. I'll quote the Time Bandits specific stuff):
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Intro:
The “Monty Python” troupe member, who is also responsible for directing films ranging from “Brazil” to “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,” remains as plainspoken as ever, Zooming in from his London office. He offers opinions about what’s behind our current culture’s ailments (“Political correctness, probably”) to the Oscars (“I can’t imagine [winning] would change anybody’s life”) to streaming (“Why is Netflix allowing people to make three-hour films?”).

Across our wide-ranging conversation, Gilliam reflects on the production, release, and legacy of “Time Bandits” – including his frustrations about his lack of involvement with its adaptation into an Apple TV+ miniseries. (emphasis mine)
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Interview:
You said that kids understood the narrative logic of “Time Bandits” better than adults did at the time. Was part of the project’s appeal making something that everyone could enjoy together – but the children especially would connect to?

Yes, I’ve just tried to reach a very broad audience. And it was also because of the way the studios were categorizing films. This one’s for a child; this one’s for an adult; this one’s for a teenager. I hated categorization like that! I just wanted to make something that might work on many levels, and I would have thought that people of different ages would perceive the film in different ways.

In the ‘80s, “Time Bandits” was among the first non-Disney products to make a film for the whole family, and it seems like no one is even trying that now. What do you think is lost without more entertainment for families and children that treats them like people, not just future consumers of intellectual property?

[Laughs] But Hollywood has always about been about promoting consumerism! I just want people to start thinking. That’s what it’s really about for me: to try to say and do things that joggle people’s minds, and possibly their view of the world, to see it in a different way than what is being sold to them day in and day out. I like entertaining people, but I also want to be saying things. I’m basically a follower of Mary Poppins — I want to provide a little sugar to help the medicine go down.

[...] how have children reacted to “Time Bandits” over the years?

They loved it; it seems to me! When we finished the film, the producers felt certain elements weren’t particularly good for the children. Especially the ending with the parents blowing up. I said, “Come on! The kids will be fine with that.” The boys certainly were, and the girls were more motherly. They were concerned about what was going to happen to Kevin now that his parents are no longer there.

That’s more or less the underlying premise of YA literature and film like “The Hunger Games” and “Divergent.” In all these series, there’s a world in which the kids are smarter than the adults and have to save a world handed to them in ruin. It seems to me like “Time Bandits” presaged the rise of a market for that.

I think that kids have to try to change and save the world, and adults are meant to keep them from doing that. [laughs] Right? It’s a battle going on. I love that line we have when the Supreme Being and the Time Bandits are heading back to heaven, and Kevin is left behind. Fidget says come with us, and the Supreme Being says, no, he has to stay here and carry on the fight, whatever that fight might be.

I couldn’t help but draw a line between the ending of the film, where adults don’t listen to the child and blow up their house, and the fact that you recently directed a production of “Into the Woods,” which features the line “Children may not obey / but children will listen.” It feels to me like a demented B-side, where “Into the Woods” says, “Children Will Listen,” and “Time Bandits” says, “Parents Won’t Listen.”

[Laughs] I haven’t thought about it that way, but you may be right! That song at the end of “Into the Woods” is about being careful of what stories you tell your children. That, to me, is I would rather be telling my children stories that are more complicated and difficult, that do not always have a rosy, happy ending. There is danger out there.
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[two questions I omit here were about working with Stephen Soundheim]
maybe that provides an opportunity for us to segue into the “Time Bandits” series that’s being made right now for Apple TV+. Has that experience played into your relationship with the show at all?


I have no relationship to it, simple as that. For years, Handmade Films, which owned it, was still in our control because that was George Harrison and Monty Python. But eventually, it was sold to other companies that moved on. In the end, I lost control over it. I loved the idea of Taika Waititi doing it because I love “Jojo Rabbit.” I thought this is the guy to do it. And all I can say is that in the course of its development, I suddenly realized there was a major problem. There is, as I call it, a shortage of dwarves in the production. There are no dwarves involved, which was central to Michael Palin and my version of “Time Bandits.” The way we’d set it up with this little kid being the main character, I thought there was no way he could carry the whole film. So, I surrounded him with a gang of people the same size as him!

And what was wonderful about it, all these guys who had made their life being in Snow White and the Seven Dwarves pantomime, being in Ewok costumes, or, in the case of Kenny Baker, inside a tin can of R2-D2, suddenly, they were out. And they were now action heroes. They were the leads of the film. It was so exciting to see how they rose to the occasion and how they proved their worth as actors. The whole film had a very special quality because nobody had ever seen that before. I think was central to the success of the film. However, in the TV series, that is not to be. I don’t know why, but there you go.


As much as anything, too, it’s practical because you’re able to film them at the same eyeline. There’s not an element of Kevin looking up to someone bigger than him.

We’ll see what it is. I don’t have any idea what it will be like, but that’s my concern at the moment. Jack Purvis, who plays Wally in our version, his granddaughter was on TikTok, and she had done a video. She, too, is a dwarf and said this is so wrong. After “Time Bandits” came out, I was kind of the patron saint of dwarves because I let them be real actors and real people! And she was very upset about what she heard that there weren’t going to be any small people in the show. It was a very touching video because, suddenly, they were being pushed back into the world of being these strange little creatures wearing funny costumes. And I hated that.

I’ve seen some reports that you’ve visited the set and stormed off. Is that true?

No, that’s a complete lie! I don’t know where that came from. I’m very disconnected from the whole thing.
_

There's a lot I omitted (I think I got all the thread related stuff though), I recommend checking the link.

They go on to talk about a Hallmark Channel series that was being written in the late '90s that would have been a sequel to Time Bandits, but it never came to be:

What was your involvement in what was originally going to be a Hallmark Channel series of “Time Bandits” in the late ’90s?

Charles McKeown
, who co-wrote “Baron Munchausen” with me, we [wrote] a couple. It was interesting because I wanted to use as many of the original guys in it, but they had all gotten older. We kept them there as a bunch of old guys who sat around the place telling stories about their golden years, and it was their daughters who took over! Because Jack Purvis’ daughter was also small, we could get enough other small ladies to play. Suddenly, it was going to be the girl “Time Bandits,” with the old ones hanging around to be useful, but we needed them.

And the network pulled the plug, somehow related to 9/11?

It was Hallmark who we were doing it for, and after 9/11, they decided entertainment was not what the world needed. Which is exactly the opposite of what should have been. Come on! Entertainment was what you need after a disaster like that to lift people’s spirits.

Is there some element of unfinished business with “Time Bandits?” Could an expansion of the feature give audiences a chance to see some of the things that you couldn’t film yourself?

They all linger somewhere, but I don’t want to do anything to the film because I think it’s wonderful. I don’t think I can improve it. There may be the odd idea that didn’t get dealt with that I will steal for later. I’m not sure. If it happens, it’ll happen.
_

The interview continues once more, but unrelated to "Time Bandits." Again, it's three pages long and has some YouTube embeds of Gilliam, the original trailer, and some sketches of costumes and sets.

(Edits: formatting)
 
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Waititi just fucking sucks. I thought JoJo Rabbit was overrated too. I hated the ending. He was an ok Hitler in it and Scarjo was good, but overall junk. Everything else he's been involved in has been absolute garbage.
I'll defend What We Do In The Shadows as a solid little indie movie with some good laughs. Thor Ragnarok had a fun energy to it and was just rolling off the good will that the masses had for MCU at the time. It pretty much ditched the melodrama the first two Thors had and just was a big live action cartoon. Just a big dumb stupid movie. As for Jojo Rabbit I totally agree with you the ending was rather lousy.

I can't speak of anything beyond that because the lambasting the fourth Thor received just made it easy for me to ignore. I think Waititi is best off just working on a comedic-fantasy premises so him doing Time Bandits kinda makes. Obviously they should have just made a new IP instead of just rehashing old IPs but hey at least Terry Gillium gets paid so there's that.
 
but hey at least Terry Gillium gets paid so there's that.

Well... I don't know about that. As per the interview I posted above:

Gilliam when asked about the TV series: I have no relationship to it, simple as that. For years, Handmade Films, which owned it, was still in our control because that was George Harrison and Monty Python. But eventually, it was sold to other companies that moved on. In the end, I lost control over it. [...] I’m very disconnected from the whole thing.

Sounds like he doesn't own the rights anymore, or am I misinterpreting what he means?
 
Great, the Time Bandits will all be queer, black they/thems.

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Apparently one of the cast members claimed they were assaulted on the set of this show.

Isn’t that the androgynous asian chick from House MD? She’s always claiming someone on set sexually assaulted her or was racist towards her. Hire these millienial & zoomer SJW’s at your own risk.
 
The only difference is that he's brown and Hollywood is determined to push his garbage movies to the forefront of our culture. I fucking hate Taika Watiti.
I liked his first film, Eagle vs. Shark. It was quirky and entertaining enough. But I watched his latest movie "Next Goal Wins" during a recent flight, and he ruins the start of it by introducing it and acting like Michael Meyers in 'The Guru' complete with a wacky Samoan accent. The movie shows Samoans being the dumbest people alive that will let you walk all over them, unless you insult their local tranny. That's apparently too far but they're shown as complete morons when it comes to everything else.
 
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