Talk to Phil thread - Hey Phil I know you read the farms so...

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Do you think Phil reads this thread?

  • Absolutely

    Votes: 184 66.4%

  • No kill yourself faggot

    Votes: 59 21.3%

  • I have no balls so I sit on the fence on this one.

    Votes: 34 12.3%
  • Total voters
    277
I would tell Phil that no matter how 'successful' he is, he is always going to be revolting to gaze at.

From your greasy bangs that you've folded back to pretend you're not balding to your flabby, pallid chest sacs, you are abhorrent.
I wish you would just come out and tell us you have some sort of birth defect so that I would feel partially bad about laughing at your face that looks like you were pushed up against the wall for your development.

Dave, please give us a house tour. You can even involve Kat in it! Let her record it all so we can see your lurching gait and Trump-esque leaning posture.
I haven't felt comfortable going to Wal-Mart to gawk at the weirdos since the pandemic and your contribution to my weird fascination would be greatly appreciated.
I might even throw you a 50 bitch here.
 
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How's it hanging Phil?
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Do you miss your dear tractors?
 
What do you think of this card?
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Or this meme? Were you just scratching your leg?
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Phil, do you hate videogames now? You're happier on your water breaks. You act like you'd be happier doing anything else...except telling the truth, obviously. c'mon man I just need that sweet sweet WWE Champions closure
 
anameisaname said:
What do you think of this card?
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Or this meme? Were you just scratching your leg?
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Angry Mug said:
I really hope there are more of these Tarot cards. I would be happy as a pig in shit if I could get my hands on my own Gout Deck.
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Sparkletor 2.0 said:
I think they were drawn years and years ago. I'm not 100% but I think there were only a couple designs.
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It's @Haunter 's design from the Kiwi Farms inspired tarot cards thread. Here is his post if you would like to read his description of his card and compare it to the original version of The Emperor's description. He made this post December 9th, 2018.
Haunter said:
:biggrin: Alright, here's my contribution:

View attachment 610766

The Emperor's head is fittingly adorned with his magisterial crown.

In his left hand he holds a globe, symbolizing the world over which he rules.

The flowing white beard bears testament to his unfathomable wisdom.

In his right hand he wields a scepter of Ankh, symbolizing his authority over life.

Like his beard, his draped, scarlet robes give this powerful figure an aura of experience, and harkens back to the wisdom of the Ancients.

The Emperor sits upon his imposing throne. Four ram heads betoken power on both sides, symbolizing strength, masculinity, and the God of War.

Behind lie harsh, barren mountains, symbolizing The Emperor's unyielding authority.

View attachment 610769

Adorned upon the head of Darksydephil, or as he dubbed himself: "The King of Hate", because he turns the hate he receives into strength, is his Sonic hat. For some reason, Phil has kept a photo of himself in this hat on his social media for... god knows how long. Over the years it's become associated with him, appearing in parody videos.

As the eye is drawn downwards, it will discover, below a bulbous Gin Blossom nose, a weird, patchy goatee.

Across Phil's bizarre negative trapezius muscles and down his noodle arms, one will find held in Phil's left hand an onion. A while back, Pew Die Pie dubbed Phil "The Onion Man". The name stuck enough for it to find its way into the DSP Sub-Forum's description.

Gripped in Phil's right hand, he wields... a very small scepter of Ankh. This symbolizes the infamous "Incident" when Phil accidentally streamed himself jerking off. Fortunately for our purposes here, Rider and Waite saw fit to give the colour of The Emperor's flesh the same colour as his scepter.

Across Phil's chest is emblazoned his own logo. The T shirt depicted here is the shirt Phil wore for his attempted comedy series "Project 7". Not long after the making of P7, Phil would alienate his only two friends, who starred in the series alongside himself. Inexplicably moving across the country, he wouldn't contact them again, except in middle of the night texts, drunkenly asking why they hated him. Years later, Phil would, without batting an eye, stream himself watching P7 and those two friends he pushed away. During the retrospective viewing, he wore that very same T shirt.

Underneath the "DARKSYDEPHIL" logo can be seen what the inexperienced may take to be the man-boobs of atrophy. However, it should be known that these are in fact manly pectoral muscles, still visible after god knows how long since he claimed to have lifted weights.

Below the 5 year old tear stained T shirt is sweatpants. "One of the hardest working people on the planet" rolls out of bed, waddles over to his game room ("office"), and streams in the clothes he likely slept in.

In the times Phil's feet have been visible, he was often not wearing socks. Whether or not this was because of his gout is unknown. Depicted here, on Phil's feet, is Phil's gout.

For his throne, Phil rests on his crumbling loveseat. Well, actually he rests on a back pillow which rests on the loveseat. Phil will have you know that it is for the serious injury he sustained after a car crash... or from playing football... or something. On either side of the loveseat rest "gamer" throw pillows. In case you didn't know, Phil's a Gamer.

Behind Phil can be seen his "office", in which Phil streams his "gameplay". Where the green screen in his garage would be if he cared to set it up, hangs soundproof foam in a limp attempt at professionalism.

Note the IV alighted above Phil's head. The Emperor card's number is especially symbolic here. Many years ago, Phil came in 4th place at an official Street Fighter (an arcade game) competition. He's carried the victory with him ever since, as it cemented his authority as "one of the best overall gamers in the country". At least it did in the very small world over which he rules.
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I'm trying to cheat at bingo, will you help me get bingo next stream? Please dood ack ack snorts.
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Hey Dave, you are a scummy shitbag for asking $600 when you came back from your "killer earache" vacation (we all know you were not sick). You should have just done your normal goal and maybe complain that you didn't work for 2 days, that way people who felt pity for you could have given what they had. Putting a number on it makes you greedy as fuck. You flew too close to the sun because the next day your streak ended. It's like asking for $600 on one day and having 276 streaks of $100 each might have drained your whale's bank accounts.

What is sad is that you made it look like the streak ending was a terrible event to happen to your fans and yourself, IT IS A STREAK FOR WEARING A VEST YOU REVERSE STRIPPER. You should have stayed positive, thanked all the cucks giving you $27,600 then told them your new plans on what you will be doing going forward. Your lack of readiness shows us that you suck at your job. If my boss told me to do something important, you bet your balding ass head I had a Plan B, even a Plan C. Instead, you sounded like a beaten victim that got their ass handed to them by their dumb roided boyfriend, who didn't have a backup plan even though this was not the first time your boyfriend beat you. There is a reason your growth is no longer organic, you only have a few big whales, and why everyone on the internet thinks you are a joke, you lack professionalism and lazy ass fuck.

Lastly, you are a piss of shit husband. It was your wife's 30th Birthday and you didn't take her anywhere, make her dinner, or even hosted a party with close friends of hers (we know you have no friends, fuckin loser). I myself, every man I know, and I bet men on this forum would tell you that they did something special for their significant other on their 30th Birthday or any other milestone Birthday. Instead, you whined about your ear and watched another streamer play games. How was that one of her best birthdays? Like seriously, that wife of yours is INTERNALLY hating on you for this shitty birthday and she will bring this up years to decades later, and tell you that she lied about it being the best birthday. You never had a real woman (Pandaree was too young) or even understood what they think because you do the bare minimum. Plus, you think a woman would be happy laying around watching you complain about an earache while watching some streamers for her 30th birthday. Oh man, you are fucking retarded as fuck.
 
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