Terrible "Based" Movie Reboot/Sequel/Remake Ideas - Let your inner Anti-SJW out...

[Syaoran Li]

One of the threads in this board that I occasionally see get updated from time to time is the one where different Kiwis decide to post their ideas for terrible SJW reboots and rehashes of existing IP's, which I'll link below.

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/terrible-sjw-movie-sequel-rehash-reboot-ideas.48789/

So, why not have a thread for the opposite end of the culture wars autism spectrum? With the economic upheavals and the rumors that say even Disney is thinking about axing the SJW stuff (granted, it's from Doomcock so I'm doubtful) I'm wondering how long is it going to be before these same companies that did shit like Ghostbusters 2016, The Last Jedi, or Terminator: Dark Fate decide to go in the polar opposite direction?

Hollywood is notoriously unoriginal and lacking creativity, so let's get the ball rolling so they don't have to!

Given the theme of this thread, I'll start us off with a terrible idea for a "based" reboot of a Disney movie.

Elsa, Ice Queen of the SS
Just when you thought Disney's live-action remakes couldn't get any worse...

Essentially it's Frozen reimagined as a modern take on the Nazisploitation movies of the 70's. Disney Princesses already seem to attract a lot of messed up degenerates and broken Cluster B personalities of both genders for some fucked up reason. So why not go full retard on the autism and give those fans what they want?

Elsa is a Waffen-SS officer and death camp commandant conducting cryogenic experiments on Allied POW's. It'd have to be a "hard R" rating at minimum and include all sorts of cringe-inducing "how do you do, fellow right-wingers?" references to tired played out memes like Pepe The Frog/Kek, Meme Magic, the OK sign, red pills, and the Boogaloo.

A brash and edgy movie with an all-star cast!

Scarlett Johansson as Elsa
Miranda Cosgrove as Anna
Nathan Fillion as BJ Blaskowicz
Neil Patrick Harris as Amon Goth

Also starring Nicolas Cage as Fu Manchu!

 

[Brundlefly]

Based? Based on what?

 

[Not Really Here]

Black panther.
Exactly the same only with white people.

 

[Crankenstein]

I liked the Ilsa/Elsa films when I was younger. Let's redo Salo.

 

[TenMilesWide]

An all-black remake of The Warriors would be undeniably based.

 

[BrunoMattei]

Remake of Straw Dogs only the main character is harrassed by Muslims.

 

[Baseton Repillé]

A remake of Minority Report in which the precogs use advanced analysis of crime statistics in order to arrest future offenders.

 

[DumbDude42]

the rise of skywalker, but the emperor wins, so at the end of the film all the characters except sheev are dead

 

[RumblyTumbly]

Captain Marvel...but its Shazam.

 

[DeadFish]

A renaagde ex Jedi who uses both sidese of the force to become a galactic reknown cook. His saga includes him changing the fate of the galaxy by one meal served at a time. Royalty, beggars all make a willful decision to change their lives once they get a taste.

 

[Dom Cruise]

Now would be the time to bring back the sex comedy ala Porky's, Animal House, My Tutor, Private Resort and American Pie where the female characters were usually just an excuse to have nudity* and everything revolved around male characters behaving badly.

To get into specifics since Porky's and Animal House were nostalgic look backs at high school life and college life in the 1950s and 1960s a reboot of these franchises could maybe be set in the 1980s, 1990s or even 2000s.

*usually these movies even back then would the one female character who wasn't just a sex object that was usually the love interest the protagonist would fall in love with after chasing other girls, but for the most part the female characters were just an excuse for eye candy.

 

[The Pink Panther]

Do The Right Thing remake except races are reversed. Blacks are whites. Whites are blacks. Asians are Hispanics. Hispanics are Asians.

 

[Randall Fragg]

Cuck, but it's 90 minutes of Robbie or Ronnie (whatever the fuck the main character's name was) going on a bloody rampage to Make America Great Again
Just go full ham on the gore/violence to the point of parody.

 

[Jason Wynn]

Nightmare on Elm Street

Bring back to the forefront Freddy being a child molester instead of a killer. Heavily imply he's a liberal (they do love to promote pedophilia) and have him be a Muslim who is also struggling with his homosexuality. Based Nancy kills SJW Tina before Freddy could because Tina had expressed sympathy for the gay Muslim pedophile. Based Nancy fights Freddy but her gun jams, Rod swoops in to save the day because silly rabbit! Women can't be heroes.

 

[Intensening Rapeye]

Remake of Straw Dogs only the man character is married in a temporary Islamic manner (that stipulates lots of anal ravishing by HIV blessed Muslims).

This, but still set in Cornwall and he actually ends up enjoying it. Theres an AIDS allegory as well, which would satisfy the pink market.

 

[Marissa Moira]

Black panther.
Exactly the same only with white people.

So Space Rhodesia?

 

[Syaoran Li]

I liked the Ilsa/Elsa films when I was younger. Let's redo Salo.

The scary part about that is you could do a serious "based" modern take on 120 Days of Sodom and it could be actually well-done with a competent writer and filmmaker.

A 2020's version of Salo would probably lean in more on the Jeffrey Epstein scandals and the more relatively grounded elements of QAnon and Pizzagate.

 

[Duke Nukem]

the rise of skywalker, but the emperor wins, so at the end of the film all the characters except sheev are dead

Actually, in a way, Sheev did win. Rey is allegedly his granddaughter, and she destroys the Skywalker legacy. Just because he's dead doesn't mean he didn't get the last laugh in the end.

 

[Crankenstein]

The scary part about that is you could do a serious "based" modern take on 120 Days of Sodom and it could be actually well-done with a competent writer and filmmaker.

A 2020's version of Salo would probably lean in more on the Jeffrey Epstein scandals and the more relatively grounded elements of QAnon and Pizzagate.

Agreed. It would be interesting.
I think a remake of Cannibal Holocaust would be interesting as well. I heard a while ago they are remaking Crazy Fat Ethel too. It's already out.

 

[Not Really Here]

So Space Rhodesia?

Nope.
EXACTLY the same.

White super tech nation with an energy shield/cloak to keep the niggers out.

For bonus points call them the true Africans, and the blacks are an evil mutation from lack of vibranium.