The age at which ones social status is settled

A-tistic

A-tistic

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My theory is that a certain age is crucial to what social status you gain for pretty much the rest of your life. That age span would roughly be 12 to 16. This is time in life in which children gradually become more independent socially.

At 12 parents no longer match up kids with eachother. The whole class is no longer invited to someones birthday party, etc. Kids suddenly have to learn to keep up a social life on their own. Gradually as they age social groups and friendships form and solidify. If you for any reason don't manage to construct a social network before your late teens (late bloomer, domestic problems, bad health, whatever) you will have a very diffucult time fixing this.

Basically it will be a moment-22. Because you have no social experience you can't get friends. Because you don't have friends you can't gain social experience. It's like when people become long-term unemployed. You don't get hired with a big hole in your CV. In the same way you don't get admitted into social circles without any references.

The only way I can see someone come out of this is to make themselves objectively admireable in some way. Material wealth or measureable intellectual capital. Even if the first wave might be golddiggers they will often be a springboard to a greater social circle.

Note that the issue here is not the same as of, say, CWC whos social ineptness is etched into his genes. Incels can sometimes be explained this way though. What makes them exceptional is that they don't see success as a way out for some twisted ideological reason. I.e. "Why should I have to improve when Chads and females don't".

So for the discussion: Does it makes sense what I say here? I've lived most of my life in a small town which might influence my perception. I'd love to hear other theories and experiences on this subject.
 
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If you have the same social status as you did while in highschool for the rest of your life, then something is wrong.

Yes people can be stuck in a rut, whether it's socially, financially, mentally or whatever. Being socially inept in highschool can mean being the same in college, but not for the rest of your life. Just because someone had a good life in highschool won't mean shit past that. There are many cases of people that had great highschool years that were social butterflies....not doing so well after highschool.

We all might know SOMEONE who's best years were their teen years which is pretty sad IMO.

People change, most people don't change that much, but people still change. However the thinking like the one in the OP is what leads incels to believe "well i'm still a virgin at 21! MY LIFE IS OVERRRRRRR AND I MISSED MY CHANCE TO HAVE SEX WITH HOT YOUNG GIRLS AND HAVE TO SETTLE TO GIVE BETABUX TO STACIE REEEEE"
 
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ZeCommissar said:
If you have the same social status as you did while in highschool for the rest of your life, then something is wrong.

Yes people can be stuck in a rut, whether it's socially, financially, mentally or whatever. Being socially inept in highschool can mean being the same in college, but not for the rest of your life. Just because someone had a good life in highschool won't mean shit past that. There are many cases of people that had great highschool years that were social butterflies....not doing so well after highschool.

We all might know SOMEONE who's best years were their teen years which is pretty sad IMO.

People change, most people don't change that much, but people still change. However the thinking like the one in the OP is what leads incels to believe "well i'm still a virgin at 21! MY LIFE IS OVERRRRRRR AND I MISSED MY CHANCE TO HAVE SEX WITH HOT YOUNG GIRLS AND HAVE TO SETTLE TO GIVE BETABUX TO STACIE REEEEE"
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Again I'd say what defines an incel is the belief that it's somehow humiliating to make yourself successful and amireable "just to get laid" (as if that was the only benefit). That and their idea that everything is a conspiracy against them.

However if you are an outcast by 20+ it will take major effort to get back on track because it requires a lot of self-promoting. And you need to have something tangible to promote; material wealth or accomplishments. One may also argue that a weak social network makes it harder to find career opportunities.
The catch-22 is real.

Basically what I'm saying is that incels are not completely delusional about what situation they are in. Their delusion is that other people consciously and maliciously put them in that situation. They just have that sweet lolcow combo of narcissism and inferiority complex.
 
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In a sense I suppose that's true, in the same way the social class you are born into is a significant influence on the rest of your life. It's not a cast-iron rule, but generally speaking we can agree that it is true.

I'd extend the age span though, I think your personality is still in flux until you're out of college and into whatever career you have. It's very common for shy or quiet people to come out of their shell in college for example.

I think that the comparison to employment is also valid, there's a problem in society where people who have been alone for extended periods of time have difficulty in getting their old life back, although perhaps the issue isn't social status, but level of practice?
 
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MMMMMM said:
In a sense I suppose that's true, in the same way the social class you are born into is a significant influence on the rest of your life. It's not a cast-iron rule, but generally speaking we can agree that it is true.

I'd extend the age span though, I think your personality is still in flux until you're out of college and into whatever career you have. It's very common for shy or quiet people to come out of their shell in college for example.

I think that the comparison to employment is also valid, there's a problem in society where people who have been alone for extended periods of time have difficulty in getting their old life back, although perhaps the issue isn't social status, but level of practice?
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I would argue that I didn't truly "come out of my shell" and get my life together until I got my first full time job. I learned that I liked working, doing something each day for a set amount of hours and building relationships within an office. Honestly, I kind of regret going to college because I kind of wasted the opportunity by neither succeeding academically or socially. But yeah, I really do like working and earning a wage because there's a direct correlation between what I'm doing and a concrete payoff ($$), which is something I never really experienced in school.
 
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Lackadaisy said:
I would argue that I didn't truly "come out of my shell" and get my life together until I got my first full time job. I learned that I liked working, doing something each day for a set amount of hours and building relationships within an office. Honestly, I kind of regret going to college because I kind of wasted the opportunity by neither succeeding academically or socially. But yeah, I really do like working and earning a wage because there's a direct correlation between what I'm doing and a concrete payoff ($$), which is something I never really experienced in school.
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Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee capitalist wage slave
 
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Never tbh, climbing the ladder takes time and hard work. For some people its easier than others, but not attempting it at all because they blame something external is an excellent way to prevent any kind of social climbing.
 
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OP, if you live in a small town, that's really different. If you have a reputation, it will stick forever. But you can just pick up stakes and move if you want to change that. Unless you're a lolcow, or have some seedy reputation that can somehow follow you wherever you go.

"Social status" is deigned by people around you, not necessarily yourself. If you want a change, go for it. As Americans, we have always been mobile in the eyes of the rest of the world.
 
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Everyone always knew I was in charge, even in high school. He's right, it gets settled early.
 
I am. I just give you the illusion of control.
 
I think social CLASS is pretty set in stone from when you are born, unless you are adopted into a different class.
What you are talking about is kinda different and I disagree. You are definitely skewed living in a small town, where everyone is always going to remember dumb stuff like who you dated and what you wore in middle school. Small towns are like a tumor that can't ever expand to the rest of the body and just sits there and festers (shit analogy but you get the picture)
But yeah you can advance socially elsewhere especially if you move, lots of people do it.
 
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or otherwise who do you hang up with.
 
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