'The cold hard facts:' Man arrested for 'copulating' with refrigerator at Trader Joe's

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SEATTLE — A 33-year-old man was arrested after allegedly making threats with a knife and getting up close and personal with a refrigerator inside a Trader Joe's grocery store in Seattle.

"Here are the cold, hard facts," the Seattle Police Department said in a press release.

According to police, officers responded to the TJ's on the 1700 block of 16th Ave. East around 2:15 p.m. following reports of a man using racial slurs and brandishing a knife at security agents.

The suspect also reportedly threatened to kill everyone in the store.

A security guard at the store said the man was initially confronted for allegedly "humping" (his words) a refrigerator and attempting to do the same to a customer. When challenged, the suspect became upset, kicking a flower display and throwing apples.

Multiple officers arrived and arrested the suspect for felony harassment. He was booked into the King County Jail. Police noted that the suspect is a registered sex offender.

Detectives from the Homicide & Assault Unit have been assigned to the case, and the investigation is ongoing.

 

[Testacles Maximus]

Police noted that the suspect is a registered sex offender.

I'm just picturing him telling new neighbors he's a sex offender the day after the fridge thing and being like, "yeah, it used to be because of just one thing, then yesterday happened..."

 

[smartypants302]

Probably called the cops only for the racial slurs and not for fridge humping or knife.

 

[Loris Yeltsin]

Was it at least an attractive fridge?

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

1. I thought this was going to take place in Florida, so I was surprised that it took place in Seattle.
2. He either needs to play Atomic Heart or has already played it.

 

[Balr0g]

1. I thought this was going to take place in Florida, so I was surprised that it took place in Seattle.
2. He either needs to play Atomic Heart or has already played it.

Probably played it and thought it was real

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

UMM OBJECTUM PRIDE YOU BIGOTS

 

[Apustajan apustaja]

Was it at least an attractive fridge?

Did it hump him back or was it frigid?

 

[Cardef1121]

I miss olde school lunacy like this; with no political or cultural baggage.

 

[Unarmed Gunman]

Can refrigerators consent? No they can not, at least not yet. Straight to jail sir.

 

[TowinKarz]

Law & Order: Special Appliance Victimization Unit

 

[Otterly]

Presented without comment

 

[Rootless Cosmopolitan]

I miss olde school lunacy like this; with no political or cultural baggage.

There is something quaint about it, isn’t there? No one seems to have really gotten injured, everyone has a great story.

That said, I admit it would have been funny if he shouted “allahu akbar”, “free palestine “, or “black lives matter” before his refrigerator rampage.

 

[frozen_runner]

Was it at least an attractive fridge?

Bro, not even: built like a literal fridge!

 

[TrinityReformed]

The suspect.

 

[Black Man Underwear]

Do refrigerator molesters get the rope?

 

[TowinKarz]

The suspect.

" Gentlemen, behold! I am two carrots shy of a crisper bin! Muhahahahahahaaaaaaa! "

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

Do refrigerator molesters get the rope?

Not technically a capital crime; they just get put in the crisper bin to shrivel away.

 

[Post Reply]

Was it at least an attractive fridge?

More importantly, what was it wearing?

 

[WonderWino]

So did he get admitted to the local hospital with a serious case of freon cock?

Also, I hope trader joes had the good sense to throw out any mayonnaise in the fridge after this incident

I guess the ads were right - nothing fucks like a frigidaire