The Friendzone does it exist?

[Khayyam]

I think it exists.

I've got a freind who I do get along very well with, who has attempted more than once on nights out to make a pass but who I'm just not interested in that way to put it without going into detail. There are deal breakers and there's just not finding someone attractive in that way. You can admire someone or like them without wanting to bang them being in the equation, and in some cases that's just what it is.

Would everyone be happy to be in the freindzone? I can't comment on that, but I can confirm it does exist. I use it.

 

[2al]

Bump because I don't know where else to dump this question. Also, trust me, I am not asking for dating advice and I'm not talking about myself. I'm just confused because somebody in some social circle I'm in called out someone else for asking random women if they're single as a way to find dates. Of course that's not effective, but the way he was called out on it was so blunt that I feel strangely affected despite not being able to relate at all and the advice-giving party just trying to be helpful in a blunt manner. Something about him not respecting women and thinking men and women can't be friends and how women are still people and how you've got to know a woman first and with lots of all caps to boot. TBH, I felt that the woman who said that was putting words in the guy's mouth. But uh, if you were to befriend a woman for the sake of dating her later, that would feel sleazy too, right? Haven't nice guys been called out over here for doing such things, only to be friendzoned because of not acting like anything other than a friend and somehow getting all mad and surprised despite never giving proof of wanting to be more than a friend? Uh, don't you suppose he'd be better off in somewhere where a significant amount of people is looking for the same thing, like a dating site or a singles club?

 

[Ido]

Bump because I don't know where else to dump this question. Also, trust me, I am not asking for dating advice and I'm not talking about myself. I'm just confused because somebody in some social circle I'm in called out someone else for asking random women if they're single as a way to find dates. Of course that's not effective, but the way he was called out on it was so blunt that I feel strangely affected despite not being able to relate at all and the advice-giving party just trying to be helpful in a blunt manner. Something about him not respecting women and thinking men and women can't be friends and how women are still people and how you've got to know a woman first and with lots of all caps to boot. TBH, I felt that the woman who said that was putting words in the guy's mouth. But uh, if you were to befriend a woman for the sake of dating her later, that would feel sleazy too, right? Haven't nice guys been called out over here for doing such things, only to be friendzoned because of not acting like anything other than a friend and somehow getting all mad and surprised despite never giving proof of wanting to be more than a friend? Uh, don't you suppose he'd be better off in somewhere where a significant amount of people is looking for the same thing, like a dating site or a singles club?

If he's going around asking a bunch of different women if he's single then that's absolutely creep material, its shopping for a girlfriend and that's disrespectful af. Actions speak louder than words, and his say a lot without them being verbal so she isn't putting words in his mouth, she's just putting words to his actions. On the "men and women can't be friends" thing, they can but it's obvious when a guy comes along with no intentions of just being friends.

Saying you only like someone as a friend usually means that you're just trying to let someone down easily, every girl I know uses it, I've used it, my guy friends have used, my gay friends have used it. Getting turned down sucks, people know it as they've been turned down as well, so they try to alleviate the turn down a little bit by saying "you're nice but unfortunately we can only be friends". Some times actual friends turn into a creep and I believe they get one solid "we're only friends" before they get the chopping block should they pursue it. Saying "I only got friendzoned because of not acting like anything other than a friend and somehow getting all mad and surprised despite never giving proof of wanting to be more than a friend? " is a huge cop out that usually isn't true. I've turned down massive creeps by telling them they seemed nice but I was in a relationship or whatever, just so they didn't get pissed off at me, just a lie to get them to leave me alone.

I doubt the kinds of people who can actually get dates in clubs irl are going to be the kind of people who have to resort to stalking all the women on facebook on the off chance someone says they're single and interested.

Either way if you don't get it I have bad news for you, Niceguy.

 

[Crunchy Leaf]

Bump because I don't know where else to dump this question. Also, trust me, I am not asking for dating advice and I'm not talking about myself. I'm just confused because somebody in some social circle I'm in called out someone else for asking random women if they're single as a way to find dates. Of course that's not effective, but the way he was called out on it was so blunt that I feel strangely affected despite not being able to relate at all and the advice-giving party just trying to be helpful in a blunt manner. Something about him not respecting women and thinking men and women can't be friends and how women are still people and how you've got to know a woman first and with lots of all caps to boot. TBH, I felt that the woman who said that was putting words in the guy's mouth. But uh, if you were to befriend a woman for the sake of dating her later, that would feel sleazy too, right? Haven't nice guys been called out over here for doing such things, only to be friendzoned because of not acting like anything other than a friend and somehow getting all mad and surprised despite never giving proof of wanting to be more than a friend? Uh, don't you suppose he'd be better off in somewhere where a significant amount of people is looking for the same thing, like a dating site or a singles club?

there's probably more to this story than you're aware of
i don't think there's a problem with asking out random women as long as you don't have a meltdown if they say no

 

[Fresh froosh]

Of course it's just another way of saying unrequited love/attraction, only that wording makes it sound nicer and people won't be mad if you mention it.

 

[Guts Gets Some]

To me the Friend zone is not an absolute definable thing, but a more vague process that generally happens between men and women.

Simply put, if someone (generally the guy) waits too long to let someone they like know they like them like that (even if it's mutual), chances are it'll never happen out of fear of what-ifs or it changing the dynamic.

That's been what I've always seen, anyway. As I said, it varies, but that's my gist of it.

 

[Ido]

To me the Friend zone is not an absolute definable thing, but a more vague process that generally happens between men and women.

Simply put, if someone (generally the guy) waits too long to let someone they like know they like them like that (even if it's mutual), chances are it'll never happen out of fear of what-ifs or it changing the dynamic.

That's been what I've always seen, anyway. As I said, it varies, but that's my gist of it.

This is very true, you have to make your intentions known. Way back when, at least up until early college everyone would to test the waters, so to speak. They'd never come right out with telling someone they liked them, I get that part is scary but I've never liked that part. Fess up and get it over with, I'll respect you a whole lot more and hopefully put those feelings to rest.

 

[Crunchy Leaf]

I'm in the 'friendzone' with a girl--I asked her out, she said no, but I kept hanging out with her, and she kept letting me go a little further than 'just friends' (not sexually, but still more touching than would be normal), and sometimes she does it back, like the time she sat on my lap and told me she loved me. I know she does this because she likes the attention, and I don't say anything because subconsciously I'm still hoping she's into me. You could say she's manipulative, but I see it as my fault for allowing myself to be in the 'friendzone'.

Anyway, I recently asked out another girl, she said no, so I'm going to stop asking her to hang out one-on-one with me, partly because I don't want her to think I'm trying to take her on a date, but also because I'm aware that's a way to breed resentment and feeling friendzoned.

 

[Guts Gets Some]

I'm in the 'friendzone' with a girl--I asked her out, she said no, but I kept hanging out with her, and she kept letting me go a little further than 'just friends' (not sexually, but still more touching than would be normal), and sometimes she does it back, like the time she sat on my lap and told me she loved me. I know she does this because she likes the attention, and I don't say anything because subconsciously I'm still hoping she's into me. You could say she's manipulative, but I see it as my fault for allowing myself to be in the 'friendzone'.

Anyway, I recently asked out another girl, she said no, so I'm going to stop asking her to hang out one-on-one with me, partly because I don't want her to think I'm trying to take her on a date, but also because I'm aware that's a way to breed resentment and feeling friendzoned.

I would never stay around someone who is doing anything because they "like the attention."
I don't think what you're hoping to happen is ever going to happen with someone like her, buddy. At best, more of the same (friendship with very casual perks) and at worse, you're just going to become her bottom bitch.

 

[Crunchy Leaf]

I would never stay around someone who is doing anything because they "like the attention."
I don't think what you're hoping to happen is ever going to happen with someone like her, buddy. At best, more of the same (friendship with very casual perks) and at worse, you're just going to become her bottom bitch.

yeah i've mostly stopped hanging out with her but sometimes I do because well, nobody else will let me hold their hand, but I realize it's bad
she's taking a class at my school this semester and earlier in the year she saw me and I felt obligated to go have lunch with her and since then I've deliberately walked a different way because I know interacting with her is bad for me

 

[AF 802]

Unironically saying you're being friendzoned makes you an incel. Seriously, I think you're just a sweating retard autist if you claim that all the time, or just plain fuck-ugly. Just admit your lack of self-confidence and stop trying to hide.

 

[Guts Gets Some]

yeah i've mostly stopped hanging out with her but sometimes I do because well, nobody else will let me hold their hand, but I realize it's bad
she's taking a class at my school this semester and earlier in the year she saw me and I felt obligated to go have lunch with her and since then I've deliberately walked a different way because I know interacting with her is bad for me

Hmm, personally I would cut ties, but maybe she is an okay friend to you. Don't want to suggest you lose that if you feel so lonely.

But yeah, I would start seriously keeping an eye out anywhere you can for better women to actually be interested in. It'll happen so long as you stop focusing solely on her. Sometimes very unexpectedly too. (Speaking from experience here).

 

[Ido]

I know she does this because she likes the attention, and I don't say anything because subconsciously I'm still hoping she's into me

I would never stay around someone who is doing anything because they "like the attention."
I don't think what you're hoping to happen is ever going to happen with someone like her, buddy. At best, more of the same (friendship with very casual perks) and at worse, you're just going to become her bottom bitch.

Was just going to comment this

@Crunchy Leaf bail, like now. If you dont want to "breed resentment in the friendzone" the first step is to un-niceguy yourself by remembering the friendzone doesn't exist, she's just a manipulating bitch and you're the niceguy who looks at every little thing as a sign.

yeah i've mostly stopped hanging out with her but sometimes I do because well, nobody else will let me hold their hand, but I realize it's bad
she's taking a class at my school this semester and earlier in the year she saw me and I felt obligated to go have lunch with her and since then I've deliberately walked a different way because I know interacting with her is bad for me

If even seeing her has that effect on you you you're fucked.

 

[Crunchy Leaf]

Was just going to comment this

@Crunchy Leaf bail, like now. If you dont want to "breed resentment in the friendzone" the first step is to un-niceguy yourself by remembering the friendzone doesn't exist, she's just a manipulating bitch and you're the niceguy who looks at every little thing as a sign.


If even seeing her has that effect on you you you're fucked.

you are absolutely correct

i guess with girl i recently asked out who said no, i thought she was into me because i leaned against her and she didn't move away, and i put my head on her shoulder and she put her head on me, but also there was alcohol involved and some people are touch-ier than others

 

[Bum Driller]

It certainly exists. It's actually quite common to see amongst younger males(and sometimes, rarely by younger women) to get friendzoned by women(or man, in case of woman) they lust after, but have zero changes at scoring with. Older males of our species just wisen up to it at some point and don't fall for it anymore.

 

[Van Darkholme]

I managed to avoid getting into the zone a bit over a week ago. Dating ended (due too me being to honest) after the third and it was all just a waste of time and money.
Glad I got out before wasting more of the two on her.

Shame, because I actually liked her.

 

[2al]

Woah, that was out of nervousness and not out of rationality. I was really bracing for him to get cancelled like on Twitter. Although when he got shouted at, I thought, ", that's simplistic AF, he never said anything about not thinking of women as friends." BTW, it was said like that because it was in a situation where everyone is friends anyway. But yeah, maybe he shouldn't be doing that because these are tense times where everybody is scared of being raped.

 

[Julias_Seizure]

I used to use the term but not in the way that its usually used now. I used it to describe overly sugar coated rejections where the guy gets rejected with "i think of you more as a friend" but its totally disingenuous and in reality hes in the creepy aquaintence zone but legitimately thinks theyre friends

 

[Terrorist]

Yeah, but most of the people who complain about it online probably deserved to be there anyway.

 

[John Titor]

It does exist but it's so overhyped.