For a few years, I was just a typical heterosexual boy who watched porn and had fairly normal pornographic preferences. However, I became increasingly degenerate. I don't remember exactly what happened; it's hazy in my memory, but I believe I was exposed to passing MtF transgenders and developed an interest over time; I then watched a pornhub video of a crossdresser. It was fine, nothing too exciting, but since then I've occasionally searched for terms like 'shemale,' but finding passing MtF transgenders on porn sites has proven difficult.
As a result, I would be exposed to both masculine men in dresses and subhuman transmaxxers.
It wasn't particularly enjoyable, so I only watched it occasionally. You'd think that exposing myself to these 'shemales', whose appeal varies greatly, would gradually make me attracted to them, but that hasn't been the case. I've been watching MtF transgender porn for years, and my sexual attraction to them remains unchanged. I still only enjoy passing ones.
It appears that I will never be fully gay. One thing has changed: I now prefer the concept of a femboy over that of a transgender. I enjoy the idea of a very feminine male who is extremely submissive. I believe that transitioning reduces the male appeal I value.
When I go to femboy subreddits or search for femboy on porn sites, I see incel-looking crossdressers, masculine dudes in dresses, rather than a male who is so feminine that he is mistaken for a girl.
When I have a desire for a femboy and search for them on pornographic websites, I am disappointed and even disgusted.
The truth is that I only like about 1 out of every 10000 men. I cannot identify as gay.
I am a phony homosexual.
