The Horrors of the "Professional" World - Stories that will make you wonder how we exist.

[AnOminous]

Because you can get fired/delicensed for doing something illegal like defrauding the gov.

Also many bank employees have a statutorily mandated duty to report, and they themselves become guilty of a crime if they fail to report such activity.

You don't want to fuck with FinCEN.

https://www.law.cornell.edu/cfr/text/12/21.11

 

[NQ 952]

Just this.

 

[XYZpdq]

Just this.

View attachment 146326

So basically the civilized world is out of whatever.

 

[NQ 952]

So basically the civilized world is out of whatever.

Out of internet, yes.

 

[Bassomatic]

Also many bank employees have a statutorily mandated duty to report, and they themselves become guilty of a crime if they fail to report such activity.

You don't want to fuck with FinCEN.

https://www.law.cornell.edu/cfr/text/12/21.11

That we do....

So ladies and gentleman let me tell you my event related to this.

Client comes to me (SBA lending) before I get my hands on his paper work he mentions he needs his loan to go to personal account. Red flag city. I don't even have time to ask why... he says because he's in rears with IRS and wants the cash to invest.

This is like showing up drunk to a gun store pointing out you are a felon and plan on killing someone. The only difference IRS cares ATF will get around to it in 9 months.

Let me top this off, I'm running my section, so I don't have a "boss" he went up the chain to a regional guy to say I suck for not giving him money. I got a feather in my cap for it.

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

I have no words.
Words have failed me.

Pffft. This kind of behavior is common among babysitters. I had this one babysitter who didn't see why seatbelts were such a big deal and she would only give me a split second to put on my seatbelt before pulling out of parking lots or her driveway. She was also one of those assholes who had a twisted up seat belt and never fixed it.

I also had this other babysitter who made me sleep on a hardwood floor, gave me a blanket fit for an infant and refused to let me sleep on either of the completely vacant couches. No reason was given but I can tell you why, they were leather.

 

[Adamska]

So let me tell you a tale:

I was a mere fifteen years old; some stupid ass kid who didn't really do anything outside of slacking in his high school. It was at about this point my folks were looking for opportunities for me to build some skills and find a career for me, as this was before I found my muse as a teacher. I was inducted into a work program for teens where I was fitted into several short term internships to figure out where I'd do well.

The one I'll talk about was my stint at data entry, as that was where the most horrifying thing I've ever seen a professional outfit do. It was one of the fields I did pretty well in, namely because I could listen to music as I filed in data and wasn't bothered with the repetitive nature of the job. The job itself was for the agency that was running this program, and they were in the middle of digitizing their files, having mostly relied on paper for their stuff. This alone wouldn't have been much of a problem, if it wasn't for the fact that somehow their IT component missed the storage system they were using being a buggy pile of ass.

For whatever reason, the data filing system was not working correctly; it would belch out the wrong data based on inquiry regularly and it also misplaced data points in the file itself. For example, it would give you the wages of a different worker than the one you were looking at. Baffled, I asked the person looking over me what was up. Apparently, my mentor, who did some of this previously and I was just there to hasten the process, didn't look at the results I guess. I say that since she was surprised that their new storage system was shitting itself and acting retarded.

In short, I, the stupid fucking teen who was completely unfamiliar with their software and had no training in it discovered bugs that their actual person completely missed... on an unpaid internship.

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

So let me tell you a tale:

I was a mere fifteen years old; some stupid ass kid who didn't really do anything outside of slacking in his high school. It was at about this point my folks were looking for opportunities for me to build some skills and find a career for me, as this was before I found my muse as a teacher. I was inducted into a work program for teens where I was fitted into several short term internships to figure out where I'd do well.

The one I'll talk about was my stint at data entry, as that was where the most horrifying thing I've ever seen a professional outfit do. It was one of the fields I did pretty well in, namely because I could listen to music as I filed in data and wasn't bothered with the repetitive nature of the job. The job itself was for the agency that was running this program, and they were in the middle of digitizing their files, having mostly relied on paper for their stuff. This alone wouldn't have been much of a problem, if it wasn't for the fact that somehow their IT component missed the storage system they were using being a buggy pile of ass.

For whatever reason, the data filing system was not working correctly; it would belch out the wrong data based on inquiry regularly and it also misplaced data points in the file itself. For example, it would give you the wages of a different worker than the one you were looking at. Baffled, I asked the person looking over me what was up. Apparently, my mentor, who did some of this previously and I was just there to hasten the process, didn't look at the results I guess. I say that since she was surprised that their new storage system was shitting itself and acting exceptional.

In short, I, the stupid fucking teen who was completely unfamiliar with their software and had no training in it discovered bugs that their actual person completely missed... on an unpaid internship.

They must've programmed it with Java.

 

[Silver]

Pffft. This kind of behavior is common among babysitters. I had this one babysitter who didn't see why seatbelts were such a big deal and she would only give me a split second to put on my seatbelt before pulling out of parking lots or her driveway. She was also one of those assholes who had a twisted up seat belt and never fixed it.

I also had this other babysitter who made me sleep on a hardwood floor, gave me a blanket fit for an infant and refused to let me sleep on either of the completely vacant couches. No reason was given but I can tell you why, they were leather.

Oh no this (vaguely) reminds me

So one time in the 90s, my mom got a bill. The bill was for some sort of pay-per-view/on demand porn that had apparently been purchased on our TV. Now, of course, my mom's immediate reaction was "well I didn't buy that" but the thing was, neither did her husband. And of course it's so easy to say that maybe she just didn't know her husband as well as she thought she did and he had, in fact, bought porn, but the thing is, he really wouldn't have. Like, I know my dad, and this is just not something he would have done. He doesn't care nearly enough about that sort of thing to want to purchase it, certainly. So my mom calls up whoever is in charge of billing as far as that purchase was concerned and, after a long talk with a woman who condescendingly refused to believe my mom when she was trying to say no, my husband did not buy porn, managed to get the porn charges removed.

Afterward, my mom realized it was impossible for anyone in the house to have bought the porn, because they were out of town at the time.

But they'd hired some local teenage boy to watch the cat.

 

[NQ 952]

In my original design documents, I had called for a multi pronged solution to backing up our database system for a piece of software we're writing that will be essential to the continued operations of the company.

Here's what I recommend:

- hourly on site backups
- nightly on site and off site backups
- nightly tape backups
- weekly off site backups
- monthly off site backups
- yearly off site and cold storage backups
- Complete cold storage backups at iron mountain and amazon.


What I got:
- 5 days of backups on the same hard drive as the primary database, which is the same hard drive running the server, which is the same hard drive running the operating system.

 

[Shokew]

In my original design documents, I had called for a multi pronged solution to backing up our database system for a piece of software we're writing that will be essential to the continued operations of the company.

Here's what I recommend:

- hourly on site backups
- nightly on site and off site backups
- nightly tape backups
- weekly off site backups
- monthly off site backups
- yearly off site and cold storage backups
- Complete cold storage backups at iron mountain and amazon.


What I got:
- 5 days of backups on the same hard drive as the primary database, which is the same hard drive running the server, which is the same hard drive running the operating system.

The second even one of those breaks down - especially if it's the OS...
Game Over.
I'm not all that spectacular with computers and I know that's just one more company down the drain if any lapses in security or whatnot come into play.

 

[Bassomatic]

No one told me we didn't get our funding in.

I bounced a deep 6 figure check today. I'm going to go home and cry because the hand gun in my desk may have enough rounds to deal with the accountants who cocked this up.

Now I have to also try to retain and explain someone why our check bounced and how it honestly isn't my fault. I'm going to be the bad guy in all this, I wasn't told something it's policy it's not for me to be proactive on this. If something goes south and things can, I'm to be told. No news is good news is corp policy. Our funders will say "what ever we didn't get around to it fuck you" The accountants will say "you shoulda asked us" All while the client is wondering how the fuck he's gonna keep his lights on.

Part of being in this spot means the axe falls on you and it really sucks.

 

[NQ 952]

A couple of weeks ago our company fucked up big. We had the CEO of our parent company giving a town hall, and in the beginning he was congratulating out CTO on recovering from a DOUBLE LUNG TRANSPLANT.

Only we fucked up and missed the first part of the town hall.

In addition to all of my other duties, I'm now responsible for getting in touch with every single parent company office - there's over 100 of them around the world - and coordinating bandwidth, connectivity, and capability tests.

I'm one dude.

Send Help.

 

[Lurkette]

I work as an assistant in financial aid at my school and spring registration opened up two days ago, reminding me how much I hate people

I'm not paid enough to try and explain why you cannot just guess your income tax information on your FAFSA, nor am I paid enough to deal with lugheads who think I and the three other people who had to repeat the above are "just trying to hold them back"

For christs sake just call the hotline and have them fax it over you don't even have to pay anything

EDIT: also as an intern at a legal aid firm, i have to listen to old people bitch about the government and how unfair it is. they're often very sweet otherwise, but i have nothing to add to the conversation, which tends to loop, and usually just called to make an appointment

 

[GingerDixie]

The irradiator building across the road from the trailer I work out of (which has been decommed and gutted so no theres nothing too dangerous in there) keeps beeping because the fire alarm inside is dying. Maintenance says "THEY'RE WORKIN' ON IT"

Knowing the government, this means it will take literally years. Or until some shithead takes advantage of our nonexistent "security" and actually sets the place on fire, and only then after some bigwig from Tallahassee comes in and takes a tour, officially deigning the burnt out shell an eyesore and ordering it torn down. Whichever comes first.

 

[XYZpdq]

. Or until some shithead takes advantage of our nonexistent "security" and actually sets the place on fire

Sounds like a collect call from destiny.
Will you accept the charges?
It's time to stop being a Florida Boy and become a Florida Man.

 

[Lurkette]

I had called someone asking for them to give me their address, and so today I listened to a VM where a gentlemen said he lived on "blue ass road" and I could have fucking swore he was yanking my chain but through the magic of Google maps I was able to deduce he had said "blue ASHE road" so that was a pretty wild 10 minutes of my morning

 

[XYZpdq]

I had called someone asking for them to give me their address, and so today I listened to a VM where a gentlemen said he lived on "blue ass road" and I could have fucking swore he was yanking my chain but through the magic of Google maps I was able to deduce he had said "blue ASHE road" so that was a pretty wild 10 minutes of my morning

There was a stretch where I had to translate medical terms to their correct name from normal humans mangling the names horribly.
I'd just google whatever gobbledygook they'd say and nine out of ten times google could guess what the hell they meant.

 

[NQ 952]

We had less than 12 hours to figure out an event and get it running in the UK, Germany, and US. Round table about investment in the future with the new president elect.

Managed to pull everything together. I even did the first event at 2am ET. Everything went off without a hitch. I went to sleep.

Two chucklefucks that are not qualified to do these events fucked everything else up.

Now I'm feeling the heat because I quarterbacked this shit.

Fuck this job.

 

[sparklemilhouse]

I have a stick up his ass supervisor. He's always sending these nasty accusatory emails to me. One was where he wanted to have a meeting with me about how much material I had checked out [at the library where we work]. I told him a meeting wouldn't be needed and I'd return everything Monday. He bitch fit about that and we had to have a meeting about his bitchfit + me returning all my materials.

I'm so tired of these constant meetings I have to have with him. We clash constantly because he's so uptight and I'm constantly on edge. This was the only job I got after searching and going on interview after interview for a year and a half.