The Horrors of the "Professional" World - Stories that will make you wonder how we exist.

[Arse Biscuit]

A-fucking-men. Emergency medicine has its own level of exceptional that you have to deal with. I worked in the ER at a level 1 trauma center and... yeah, you summed it up pretty damn well.

God, no. I don't like people and the last thing anyone should ever do is put me in a position where I have to actively work to save them. Especially if it's self-inflicted shit.

 

[Meat_Puppet]

I have a washroom story from today as well.

I went to the washroom this morning and as I was sitting down on the toilet, I was struck by a strong smell of shit, like far, far worse than what someone would normally encounter in a washroom. This made me feel very sick and I tried to get out of there as quickly as I could, wondering why the smell was so strong. As I was pulling up my pants I noticed that there was a piece of paper towel sticking out from the stall next to me, and then I realized what was going on.

Apparently the guy in the stall next to me was shitting on the floor onto paper towels, then he would flush it down the toilet.

I really hope I never have to encounter someone with such fucked up washroom habits IRL ever again.

I work for a nursing home so there are a lot of bathroom stories to tell. Our building is separated by three halls. One of which is specifically designated for dementia/ Alzheimer's patients. We have a guy on this unit who as much of a dear he is we tend to run into a problem with. We always have to check his hands because when he shits himself he will stick his hands down there. But what makes this much worse is he will proceed to walk down the hall high fiving other patients. So he keeps us busy.

 

[BatNapalm]

Dealing with people/co-workers outside of my documentation group isn't a big part of what I do and I make it a point to keep to myself, but the same thing can't be said about a lot of the white trash who work for the same company. You know, those co-workers who somehow never learned how social interaction works but still make it a point to be "outgoing" (read: bug the shit out of people for absolutely no reason). I've been working office jobs since before I could legally drink and it seems like every office in every industry I've worked in is rotten with these guys.

Example, there's this one douche who looks like an older, balder version of Bubbles from the Trailer Park Boys who has a really high-pitched, annoying voice and still lives with his mom despite being in his upper 50's. He is completely incapable of taking a hint or even slightly reading someone's mood. Like, I'll be working at my desk or printing stuff from the office plotter and he'll keep trying to force conversation with me. I'll even tell him I'm busy and what does the retard do? "So what are you working on hurr hurr." Fucking stahp.

And for the female employees in the office, it's a thousand times worse. There are hillbillies from the shop and drafting departments who just kind of hover around them, thirsty-ass dudes who, like Bubbles Sr, also have an inability to read the mood and understand such subtle social ques as the "cold shoulder". Example, there are two clerical women in my department aged 26 and 34 (both of which had a kid at the age of 17, but that's neither here nor there) who share an office and despite being absolutely sub-par in terms of looks, it seems like every time I walk past their office to get something out of the printer, there'll be a socially retarded thirst-mutant just leaning up against their desks, hitting on them. "Oh you look and/or smell nice today. Okay on to the next subject, how was your weekend? Hyurp yurp," all the while the women just stare straight ahead at their computers, responding to everything with "yep" and "uh-huh" while the thirst-mutant continues on, completely undeterred. It's the perfect storm of shamelessness and a total lack of awareness.

What is this? What do these people think is going to happen? How can they not...oh right, I just remembered: :autism:.

 

[Cato]

-Snip-

Another annoying variation of office dipshit is the person who never shuts up about their kids.

We get it, we don't care. Your children are only special to you. To everyone else, they are average, normal, boring kids we have no attachment to or interest in.

 

[Arse Biscuit]

Another one is the late middle aged lady that spends all day gossiping and complaining, accomplishes nothing, but you can't get rid of her because she's "indispensable."

 

[Cato]

Another one is the late middle aged lady that spends all day gossiping and complaining, accomplishes nothing, but you can't get rid of her because she's "indispensable."

And she also doesn't know how to perform even basic, required job functions on a computer, has no interest in learning, uses it as an excuse not to do work, and considers it cute and quirky that back in her day they did these things on paper and she never bothered to adapt to digital.

 

[Arse Biscuit]

And she also doesn't know how to perform even basic, required job functions on a computer, has no interest in learning, uses it as an excuse not to do work, and considers it cute and quirky that back in her day they did these things on paper and she never bothered to adapt to digital.

Spot on. Or even "the old computer system was better than than this."

 

[DonaldJTrump]

Any of you work with Muslims who pray on the job?

 

[Overcast]

Recently, at the place I worked, one of my managers got fired.

There were a number of reasons, but the main reasons were that he often showed up late to work. Particularly on days where he's supposed to open.

He was also seen during our late hours partying and drinking. Our other managers would tell him that he needs to go home so he had to work the next day.

It's a shame. He was a pretty chill guy at work and even told me that he had my back if a customer got agressive. Plus he just had a baby a few months ago.

 

[Ruin]

Not me but I had to explain to my dad what the sovereign citizen movement was when he encountered one of those nuts last week who followed him for blocks demanding his badge number and shoving a camera phone in his face every few seconds.

 

[Cato]

Not me but I had to explain to my dad what the sovereign citizen movement was when he encountered one of those nuts last week who followed him for blocks demanding his badge number and shoving a camera phone in his face every few seconds.

Your dad works in law enforcement and didn't know what the sovereign citizen movement was? If that's true, he's INCREDIBLY poorly trained.

 

[Ruin]

Your dad works in law enforcement and didn't know what the sovereign citizen movement was? If that's true, he's INCREDIBLY poorly trained.

He's an city inspector not a cop.

 

[Cato]

He's an city inspector not a cop.

I worked non-police regulatory/investigative/inspection/LEO roles at three different agencies. I received specific training with respect to sovereign citizens from every single one of them. In every single one of them, individuals and addresses affiliated with sovereign citizens had warning flags in our system. At one agency, we had residences where known sovereign citizens lived and worked marked by pins on a map in the office. In addition to that, everyone had their own sovereign citizen encounter stories.

If he does anything tangentially in that field, anything loosely to do with inspections, regulatory work or law enforcement, in a public-facing role visiting businesses or residences, I'm still honestly baffled he never would have heard of them, regardless of whether or not he is a police officer. This is something that everyone in a job like that should know in this day and age.

 

[POWER IN MISERY]

i work at a head shop. one day a couple came in that had trouble getting their hash adapter for an ecig to work. they had no idea how to smoke hash, and were asking about how they should cut their wax with ecig juice, of all things. i kept telling them that i've never heard of anyone doing that and how it's probably not a good idea. they then asked about the VG/PG ratios in each brand. while i was trying to explain to them that they should just buy a dabber, a crackhead came in trying to sell me steak out the back of his truck. the couple ended up spending the amount that a dabber would cost on a bottle CBD oil.

snip

so what's the rigmarole for dealing with sovereign citizens?

 

[Cato]

so what's the rigmarole for dealing with sovereign citizens?

It's not too much of a rigmarole, but:

-If you know in advance that you are going to encounter a sovereign citizen or attend their property in the course of an investigation, bring backup and request a shorter welfare check timer from dispatch. If you don't know in advance, call for backup and request the welfare check timer is shortened as soon as possible after identifying a subject is a sovereign citizen.

-Do not accept any documents from sovereign citizens. They will literally hand LEOs huge "contracts" full of gibberish that have a line along the lines of "you owe me a billion dollars for my time that you wasted during the course of this investigation" and then they have successfully put liens on the homes of officers (I did not believe this at first but it's true; there are massive criminal and civil repercussions for filing a false lien notice eventually, but astonishingly there is no investigation into their legitimacy before applying them and they take years to clear up).

-Learn to identify when someone is a sovereign citizen and is attempting to engage in sovereign citizen arguments (hence the training) and do not let them try their case at the side of the road or their front door. Be no-nonsense. Don't argue with them, don't try to explain things to them, just give them clear and lawful orders telling them what you are doing and what they need to do. Arrest them quickly if they do not comply with lawful orders. With other subjects there is much more leeway to talk, explain things, and put in effort to obtain compliance, but engaging with sovereigns will only legitimize their viewpoints in their mind, make them bolder, and potentially walk the officer into a trap.

-Learn to identify when license plates/driver's licenses/passports/etc are bullshit (some of their fake "diplomatic" passports or whatever are very professionally done, enough to at least give LEOs pause and make them investigate their legitimacy).

-Put notes and flags in computer system entries associated with sovereign citizens, to give future investigating officers a heads up.

Beyond that, the training mostly consists of educating officers on the common beliefs of sovereign citizens so they can quickly identify them and so they understand that sovereign citizen legal threats are all gobbledygook. Believe it or not, sovereign citizens actually can be quite successful at confusing and undermining the confidence of LEOs if it is their first encounter with such types and they aren't 100% sure that all the stuff sovereigns are saying is complete bullshit.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

I worked non-police regulatory/investigative/inspection/LEO roles at three different agencies. I received specific training with respect to sovereign citizens from every single one of them. In every single one of them, individuals and addresses affiliated with sovereign citizens had warning flags in our system. At one agency, we had residences where known sovereign citizens lived and worked marked by pins on a map in the office. In addition to that, everyone had their own sovereign citizen encounter stories.

If he does anything tangentially in that field, anything loosely to do with inspections, regulatory work or law enforcement, in a public-facing role visiting businesses or residences, I'm still honestly baffled he never would have heard of them, regardless of whether or not he is a police officer. This is something that everyone in a job like that should know in this day and age.

Did you also have maps detailing known Bronies, Furries, YouTube Feminist bloggers and other people exactly as meaningful and threatening as sovereign citizens?

 

[Cato]

Did you also have maps detailing known Bronies, Furries, YouTube Feminist bloggers and other people exactly as meaningful and threatening as sovereign citizens?

Don't get me wrong; I personally believe that 99% of sovereign citizens are kooks but present no physical threat to law enforcement. Most of the time I just find them hilarious. But at their most harmless, they engage in obstructionist tactics that make perfect sense for officers to be able to identify and be trained on how to deal with. And at their worst, given their extreme anti-government viewpoints it's inevitable that some of them do cross a line into physical violence, so one needs to assume the worst going in and exercise officer safety procedures accordingly. A police officer in a city I did this kind of work in was killed by a sovereign citizen while attending a property just two years ago.

P.S. - BTW, the FBI classifies juggalos as a criminal gang organization, which is hilariously stupid.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

Don't get me wrong; I personally believe that 99% of sovereign citizens are kooks but present no physical threat to law enforcement. Most of the time I just find them hilarious. But at their most harmless, they engage in obstructionist tactics that make perfect sense for officers to be able to identify and be trained on how to deal with. And at their worst, given their extreme anti-government viewpoints it's inevitable that some of them do cross a line into physical violence, so one needs to assume the worst going in and exercise officer safety procedures accordingly. A police officer in a city I did this kind of work in was killed by a sovereign citizen while attending a property just two years ago.

P.S. - BTW, the FBI classifies juggalos as a criminal gang organization, which is hilariously stupid.

Why single them out? They aren't the only people who deal in threats, intimidation and obstructionist tactics. I just don't see why any agency would focus attention on a group like sovereign citizens specifically.

 

[Cato]

Why single them out? They aren't the only people who deal in threats, intimidation and obstructionist tactics. I just don't see why any agency would focus attention on a group like sovereign citizens specifically.

They aren't "singled out." There are a number of other flags for various groups and individuals of interest to law enforcement for a variety of reasons. They are just some of many people that enforcement pay particular attention to. If you want to know why, check out the r/amibeingdetained subreddit for numerous examples of situations where training and procedures with respect to them prove useful.

 

[XYZpdq]

Our company is different because of our ethics and donating to a charity of your choice!

Has this ever meant something other than
a) We're really even scummier than our competitors!
Or
b) We're completely fucking useless at the actual job so feel sorry for us!