The limericks thread

[Cyclonus]

The history of our fair site:

There once was a forum for Chris
but it's limited range was amiss
then it opened its door
to lolcows galore
Now reading it is just bliss.

 

[JektheDumbass]

Nigger nigger nigger
Nigger nigger nigger
Nigger nigger
Nigger nigger
Nigger nigger nigger

 

[GrammaNazi]

There once was a man from Peru
Who went to sleep in his canoe
He was dreaming of Venus
Took out his penis
And woke up with a handful of goo

 

[Kyururu-kun]

This is my personal favorite, from the antigame "The Stanley Parable".

There once was a man named Stanley,

Who people considered so manly.

But the truth must be told,

He was not very old,

And was quite particularly gangly.

What Stanley liked most was buttons.

He pushed them like some kind of glutton.

He did it all day

In a meaningful way,

But his brain had long ceased to function.

Which is why he is in this parable,

And lives an existence quite terrible.

And if you are not strong,

And keep playing along,

You too will become quite unbearable.

 

[some Sketchy dude]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
"If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it"

 

[Cyclonus]

OK, my last haunt was the Sickipedia forums before they crashed and burned and my inspiration for this thread came from there. I had a limerick on that thread that was my own personal crowning moment of awesome but before I post it here I'll have to explain it. The Sickipedia forums were edgelord forums so we made jokes about niggers and rapes and paedophilia and the like just like here. But there was one user, called Squirrel, who kept going on and on about his desire to rape kids. OK, I thought, he's doing a bit and setting up a paedophile character. A couple of mental alarms started going off when he started insisting he was a hebephile and not a paedophile. Then, after he had been missing from the forum for a few weeks, someone posted a news article about a nonce called Glenn Richards raping 14 year old girls in the town Squirrel said he lived. The picture in the paper of the guy was the same one as the one he posted on the selfie thread and he owned a start up company called Squirrel Limited. Of course we started joking about Squirrel getting raped in prison and I posted this limerick:

There once was a paedo called Glenn
Who shagged anything under ten
But Squirrel got careless
About shagging cunts (hairless)
And got raped in prison by men

 

[Jason Wynn]

There once was a fellow called Chris
Whose autism he used as a pitch
With a love quest most brazen
To win the heart of fair Megan
He failed now rests in piss

(give me a break I’m pretty high)

 

[Cyclonus]

There once was a limericks thread
Who's status was very near dead
But along came Cyclonus
Who (just as a bonus)
Decided to post here instead.

 

[Still Exceptional]

I am going to necro this thread in order to post a limerick that I just wrote. So here it goes.

There once was a man from Japan
Whose dick fell off in his hand
He was having a wank
But he gave it a yank
Now there's no telling where it'll land

 

[Carlos Thin]

A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more.