Belisarius Cawl
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2024
For whatever reason the author took down some of his articles and you have to go digging in the Wayback Machine to recover them. Ex:The ESR Match.com profile is pretty good too:
Speaking of Linux:A few hours ago, I learned that I am now (at least in theory) absurdly gay.
I was at my machine, my 386 with 4 megs of RAM running Linux, masturbating to pictures of RMS, when I got an email congratulating me on the success of VA Linux Systems IPO. I was working on my latest small project -- a clever little text parser that takes input from the user and puts it in a little cartoon-style word balloon coming out of a giant, erect ASCII penis's bulging head! Hahaha! It's called COCKSAY.
LMAO "rapist faggot Linux coders"[A Linux developer nicknamed "Rasputin"] cried out like a little girl in ecstasy. “Oh god, I'd been waiting for that all night! This party fuckin' roxorz my coxor!”
Now it was my turn, it seemed, as all four started tearing my pants down. Chunks of vomit-piss-semen fell on my back and soaked through my t-shirt. It was revolting. I shuddered as I felt their cold, clammy hands in my ass-crack and a very indelicate reacharound on my ball-sack. At this point I had no idea who was doing what, and I was just praying that I'd wake up and realize I was drunk and dreaming.
Just then I heard the door boom open and my boss's voice fill the air. The stall door was open and he saw right away the turgid scene transpiring in front of him. His voice was immediately followed by two others, XML developers I knew, and they flew into the stall as best they could and began a fight to save my asshole. The poor guy underneath me had just woken up and started struggling and the extra weight of eight other bodies in the stall must have been suffocating.
“It'll be all right, buddy,” I said to him.
Within thirty seconds I was to my feet and was delivering the most heart-felt kicks to the guts of the rapist faggot Linux coders. Between me, my boss, and the two XML developers, we had the gang of four knocked out in a sloppy, excrement-filled pile of hairy body.