Yawning Squirtle said:
Yeah, Megan saga is probably my favorite saga too.
These e-mails are just pure gold. I like how the tone instantly changes from friendly (even though she kept telling Chris to STOP TOUCHING HER, they were still in friendly terms) to pure disaster right after ED.
Well, that aspect of Christory is a perfect illustration of one of the roles she was expected to fill in his life. Chris had a problem that affected Chris and Chris alone, so how did he attempt to fix it? Just like all his other problems, of course: throw other uninterested parties at it until it went away. Up to that point, Chris was still trying to gain pity affection from her even after she'd shut him down upon returning from the Kentucky trip:
"And as for the whole toning down the affections thing... in a nutshell, yes that's what I did... but I had to redirect them towards going back to my Sweetheart Search... Until I am found by a Boyfriend-Free Girl who can and is willing to grow into my sweetheart, (since I have no new special someone to call upon yet) I am finding myself still silently calling for you when I'm feeling lonely... Quite the quandry." -Fat Dummy, 1/10/2007
So, with the tenacity of a booger in the nostril of an anchorman seconds before airtime, Chris was still hanging on. Then he found out about the ED page and went into crisis mode, still maintaining his self-serving convictions that she needed to take actions against the page alongside him. (
All quotes taken from the Megan emails of 2008)
"If you'd like to talk to Lucas discreetly about the subject, I'd appreciate it for the benefit of my investiga tion. "
- Chris thought Lucas had taken his picture for ED.
"Anyway, I'll get to the point; there is a way you can work with me on the elimination of the "Chris-chan" page on Encyclopedia Dramatica, basically the pages on whole ED website are wiki (similar to html editing), and setting up an account to edit the page is free; you may want to use a fake e-mail address. Anyway, you can remove the all the junk they put about you on there, as well as the drawing from the page for starters, but be careful not to take out TOO MUCH; they may undo your doing, so you may want to make multiple edits; remove the story on the first time, then add some random thing that comes to your mind onto the bottom of the page. I've managed to have the drawing removed and replaced with a different, yet similar image for a while, but they undid that bit of my handiwork.
I can only do so much at one time, since after I make an edit (behind their backs), they "ban" my IP address from undoing their undoing, and I have to wait a few hours to a day or two before I can anything more against them.
I've said nothing about you to them, but you may want to try to remove the stuff about you from the page ASAP."
- Chris giving Megan advice that he had obviously learned through repeated failure. After all, he can only do so much at one time.
" If you want to get it all off the "article", be my guest; make your account, send your message of the "Resistance" and delete the Major Chunk off the page in edit; they will only undo your missile barrage of damage in one felt swoop.
I am depressed and emotionally exausted from ALL THIS STRESS. The only thing I can do that won't get undone is be as apologetic as I can ever be from the bottom of my sad, depressed heart. "
- Once again, Runny Butt throws clean-up duty for his messes on others.
"You know about as much as I know that I have taken responsibility for my error, and it has also been bringing me the darkest pain this month.
I want to patch up our friendship, because I do not want any further discomfort between you and me. Although the acursed page is there now, if we just ignore it, it may fade away in a month or so. Also, if we let every little dirty detail bother us, we're just as bad off as any pop or rock star. They get abused a lot by the paparazi and the media for the details of their deeds that they could not have known about themselves at the time. From the maximum amount of stress from all that; they sometimes get totally out of whack and possibly hurt themselves. But you and I are only civilians without so much fame and fortune; you and I, we do not have to suffer such Star Stress; if we only put it behind us, we don't have to build such a stressful level within ourselves.
I myself had left it a good distance behind me for a few months, but then you were bothered by it. And I couldn't help but dig up the remains left behind, only to build up a very stressfully torturing month for me.
[...]
But I've learned from my mistakes, and I regret letting my frustrations and anger get the best of me. All I can do is put the whole thing behind me, try not to think about again, never look at the damn page, and move on with my life.
For the sake of our friendship, Megan, PLEASE just forget about the dang webpage, put it behind you, and let's resume our good friendship like the whole mess never happened. "
- Because it's up to Megan to mend the friendship that Chris had torpedoed. The rock star bit is hilarious. Chris is trying to beg with subtlety here.
"Megan, I really want to remain your friend, but I feel it growing more difficult with the emotional feeling of long distance between you and me. I feel sad, lonely and rejected when you don't allow me to be socially close to you or even when you won't talk to me. (Besides which, I get lonely everynight in the sanctity of my room, and even when I'm out with my mother, father, or alone, so I feel the extra loneliness and sadness like rubbing salt and vinager on a wound.) Also, I can't help but feel the worry about how you are feeling everyday that I feel. Please, Megan, put what has passed behind you and open yourself emotionally to me and let you and me be good friends like before. "
The last bit isn't so much about the ED page, but stands as yet another example of how others are supposed to fix things for Chris. Though the letter continues as if things were back to normal, and then ends with an attempt to woo her with a surprise birthday gift, it's clear that Chris has put the burden on the offended party to patch things up.
Its really a perfect example of Chris's contradictory egotism. He's clearly a god at the center of his universe that everybody should serve, and yet, at the same time, he realizes he's powerless
unless everyone serves him, so he pleads with those who should be his supplicants to attend to his wishes, because he certainly can't threaten or bless them.
.
