🐱 The Rise of Skywalker isn't a bad movie

CatParty


“The dead speak!”

That phrase – the first words of the opening scrawl in JJ Abrams’s Episode IX, also known as Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker – has become, in certain circles, handy code for trashing this film. But I think it’s the perfect way to begin this fun and fulfilling adventure. Yes, “the dead speak!” is hokey and corny. And so ought to be Star Wars.


Few need reminders that young George Lucas was influenced by approved-by-elite sources like Akira Kurosawa and Joseph Campbell. That’s great for essayists, but when Leia grabbed Luke, kissed him on the cheek for good luck, and they swung across a chasm on a grappling hook, what’s plainly on the surface is pure Buck Rogers.

The Rise of Skywalker leans into this, and is fast-paced and funny, and blessedly devoid of talk about trade federations like the unbearable prequels. Its set and creature design, color palette, and blend of practical and computer effects make for some of the richest action-adventure sequences in recent years. Abrams is not a director without faults, but the guy always knows where to put the camera, and his imagery is propulsive and vibrant. Compare any frame in The Rise of Skywalker to the allegedly thrilling conclusion of Disney’s other big breadwinner, Avengers Endgame, and you will see the difference between a cinema that crackles versus soul-deadening smudgy brown nothingness.

From the opening “lightspeed-skipping” (so many worlds! so many employed illustrators!) to the Aki-Aki Festival of the Ancestors (“colorful kites and delectable sweets!”) to the group hug at the end, The Rise of Skywalker keeps it moving and keeps it big. Plus Chewbacca, the greatest character in the entire franchise by many parsecs, finally got that medal Princess Leia should have given him back on Yavin 4.


Giving Chewie his reward is an undeniable, four-decades-late bit of fan-service, a treacherous road to walk for a project like this. It opens the door to why many, I think, dislike this movie. Since the debut of The Force Awakens in 2015, Star Wars – a simple, enjoyable kids movie with laser-swords and Frank Oz-voiced puppets – has become contaminated with the same toxin found everywhere else in our culture. Somewhere between Gamergate and stealing mail from Nancy Pelosi’s office, there are online armies aligned based on what you think of these movies.

To some bad faith keyboard warriors Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi was perceived to represent a trashing of heritage on the altar of woke politics. The Rise of Skywalker was, therefore, a “Make The Galaxy Great Again” reactionary gesture. I reject all of this. I think both of the movies are terrific and have far more commonalities than differences (even though only Johnson’s has the outstanding throne room fight.)

I’m not saying turn your brain off to politics when you are watching a movie, but maybe don’t seek out conspiracies where none exist. It is true that Rose Tico’s storyline was effectively dumped by Abrams, but Admiral Holdo, the other character that misogynistic online ding-dongs rage against, gets a proper shout-out for her “maneuvers” when Poe and Finn are figuring out how to help Rey in battle on Exegol.

A battle, by the way, which has space horses racing across the hull of a star destroyer, and an undead wizard in a laboratory (beneath a giant cube of stone for some reason) that’s as gorgeous and silly as anything from Hammer Films. Ian McDiarmid’s return as Emperor Sheev Palpatine (“the dead speak!”) maybe comes out of nowhere, but, again, let’s look once more at the origins of Star Wars. In 1977 the advertising boasted Hammer’s Peter Cushing as its main villain, and then, as the sequel got re-written, we learned that Darth Vader was actually Luke Skywalker’s father. How is that any more ridiculous of a story turn than the return of Palpatine?

But there’s no need for me to be so defensive about The Rise of Skywalker. Let’s look at the highlights. C-3PO, the galaxy’s most annoying robot, is a non-stop comedy punching bag (“the one time we need you to talk and you can’t!!!”) whose second canonical memory wipe is a source of glee. Keri Russell’s helmeted Zorii Bliss is a welcome whiz-bang space ranger from the Buck Rogers mold, and Naomi Ackie’s Jannah on that aforementioned horse (an orbak, if you must know) cuts a striking image.

I found the yes-they-kiss, but-also-he-dies conclusion of the Rey-Kylo relationship to be appropriately satisfying, though I do agree I would have liked to have seen Finn hook up with Rose. Oh, who am I kidding, I really wanted to see him hook up with Poe, but Hollywood thinks audiences are ready to accept superluminal travel, but not a same-sex romance.

I get that some fans were keen on Rey not being of noble birth, but learning she is actually in the Palpatine line is quite fitting with the entirety of this series and the absurd coincidences it has featured from the start. Leia sends R2-D2 down to Tattooine to find Obi-Wan but he just so happens to get picked up by Jawas and sold to the man that’s been hiding Anakin’s son all this time? Please!

As such, Rey’s final line, declaring herself Rey Skywalker with Force Ghost Luke and Leia looking on with approval (the dead watch!), is considered a howler to critics. I think it’s perfect.
 
Author looks EXACTLY how I imagined them to look like because of course. I know Catparty stuff is low hanging blows but still...

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Also LMAO
"The Force Awakens in 2015, Star Wars – a simple, enjoyable kids movie with laser-swords and Frank Oz-voiced puppets – has become contaminated with the same toxin found everywhere else in our culture. Somewhere between Gamergate and stealing mail from Nancy Pelosi’s office, there are online armies aligned based on what you think of these movies."
 
Somewhere between Gamergate and stealing mail from Nancy Pelosi’s office, there are online armies aligned based on what you think of these movies.
Ctrl+F...Gamer...Yup there it is!
I think both of the movies are terrific and have far more commonalities than differences (even though only Johnson’s has the outstanding throne room fight.)
They are objectively bad movies and the throne room fight had fuckups in the choreography they just did not bother to fix.

Who wrote this shit?
totallynotonthesexoffenderregistry.png

Like MovieBob but fatter, less interesting, and less popular. His Twitter feed is so boring it is painful.

Get on his level:
Noitwouldbeanalarmcock.png

No. It would be an Alarm Cock.

Six likes.
 
Ctrl+F...Gamer...Yup there it is!

They are objectively bad movies and the throne room fight had fuckups in the choreography they just did not bother to fix.

Who wrote this shit?
View attachment 1999503
Like MovieBob but fatter, less interesting, and less popular. His Twitter feed is so boring it is painful.

Get on his level:
View attachment 1999505
No. It would be an Alarm Cock.

Six likes.
Imagine being a lesser moviebob
 
the movie is trash for many reason, but I'll go over a handful of them.

1.
The movie jumps all over the place and is rushed, the issue is that this needs to be two films in one but isn't given the time to be two films. The film goes from Exogol with Kylo and Palpatine, to an unnamed planet I think with Poe and Chewie, to Ajan-Kloss with Rey and Leia, to Ahch-To with Rey, to the first order meeting, to Pasaana, to Kijimi, to a first order ship, to NOT!Endor, to Ajan-Kloss, to Ahch-to, to NOT!Endot again, to Ajan-Kloss once more, to Exogol, to Ajan-Kloss once more, and finally Tatooine.

Did you get all of that? That was 16 different locations, with 9 of them being unique.

Compare that to Empire Strikes Back
Imperial Fleet, to Hoth, to Imperial Fleet, to Hoth, to a split up of the Asteroid field and Dagobah, to Bespin, to an unnamed star system.

there's a few cuts of course that I leave out, but I leave them out because the asteroid field and Dagobah are things happening at the same time, compared to RoS's progression of "now we're here". You end up with 6 different locations and Empire feels like a busy film.

2.
The battles make no fucking tactical sense and are busy, cluttered messes. The final battle was just dumb, the star destroyers can't go into space because of reasons and use their planet killing lasers because uh, reasons, which allows the an-prim we wuz tribe to engage a calvary charge on top of a fucking space cruiser. The amount of fighters that the Imperial forces should have been able to launch right away as to absolutely shred the first wave of rebels attempting to fucking board a star destroyer is not just present. They should have been strafed thousands of times per second practically. This is just one of many mistakes made throughout a film that really needed a military officer to say "no that's retarded" to the writers.

3.
The dialogue is insultingly bad, with terrible actors. Daisy can not act, she can either put on a resting bitch face, or a fish mouth look of intensity. Hayden Christian can have Anakin be overfilled with joy upon hearing his wife is pregnant, distraught upon seeing visions of her dying, pleading with Windu to not kill Palpatine, drunk on power with the Dark Side of the force, and absolutely furious upon feeling betrayed. There is also far too many "disney quips" that take any seriousness out of the film. "They fly now?" "They fly now." "They fly now!?" is just one example. Compare that to Obi-wan telling Anakin "This time We'll do it together" and Anakin responding with "I was about to say that." both serve the exact same purpose, of the characters informing another, but one is more "haha whacky don't take this seriously." While the other, while somewhat funny, doesn't betray the sense of seriousness that the scene has.

I could go on, but the film is terrible, it has little to redeem itself, it fundamentally fails to be entertaining as it just feels like a slog to get through rather than a joy to slowly burn through as an two and a half hour film. Dances with Wolves is a great example of an epic that's only half an hour longer, but it felt shorter and was a joy to watch as you never felt like the film jumped all around and you felt genuine character growth through the film. You never get that in RoS, the only character that changes is Kylo, but his change was already happening in episode 7 and 8, and this has a far larger cast than Dances with Wolves. Sure Hux ends up being the rebel spy, but he doesn't do it because he's grown sick of the war or anything, he does it because he's still the same petty General with no respectable qualities, and is doing it out of spite.

trash film, none of the people who worked on the film deserve another job in the film industry, everything was lazy and awful.
 
TROS was the movie that I couldn't bring myself to see. Last Jedi was such an insulting shit in my fucking mouth that I, a diehard Star Wars fan, said no, and went as far as to beg my family not to see the movie.

I don't care that the movie was a typical JJ mystery box slog of flashing lights and pretty colors with no substance or soul behind it at all, giving even a nickel to Disney is betraying the idea of culture itself at this point in time. Disney is an institution that eats copyright and spits out SJW, before locking away all their ideas in a box and lobbying Congress to keep the Public Domain tiny.

Don't give Disney any time, don't give Disney any money. Just because their movies are also shit doesn't change the fact that marketwise they are strangling American culture.
 
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