🐱 The Rise of Skywalker isn't a bad movie

CatParty


“The dead speak!”

That phrase – the first words of the opening scrawl in JJ Abrams’s Episode IX, also known as Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker – has become, in certain circles, handy code for trashing this film. But I think it’s the perfect way to begin this fun and fulfilling adventure. Yes, “the dead speak!” is hokey and corny. And so ought to be Star Wars.


Few need reminders that young George Lucas was influenced by approved-by-elite sources like Akira Kurosawa and Joseph Campbell. That’s great for essayists, but when Leia grabbed Luke, kissed him on the cheek for good luck, and they swung across a chasm on a grappling hook, what’s plainly on the surface is pure Buck Rogers.

The Rise of Skywalker leans into this, and is fast-paced and funny, and blessedly devoid of talk about trade federations like the unbearable prequels. Its set and creature design, color palette, and blend of practical and computer effects make for some of the richest action-adventure sequences in recent years. Abrams is not a director without faults, but the guy always knows where to put the camera, and his imagery is propulsive and vibrant. Compare any frame in The Rise of Skywalker to the allegedly thrilling conclusion of Disney’s other big breadwinner, Avengers Endgame, and you will see the difference between a cinema that crackles versus soul-deadening smudgy brown nothingness.

From the opening “lightspeed-skipping” (so many worlds! so many employed illustrators!) to the Aki-Aki Festival of the Ancestors (“colorful kites and delectable sweets!”) to the group hug at the end, The Rise of Skywalker keeps it moving and keeps it big. Plus Chewbacca, the greatest character in the entire franchise by many parsecs, finally got that medal Princess Leia should have given him back on Yavin 4.


Giving Chewie his reward is an undeniable, four-decades-late bit of fan-service, a treacherous road to walk for a project like this. It opens the door to why many, I think, dislike this movie. Since the debut of The Force Awakens in 2015, Star Wars – a simple, enjoyable kids movie with laser-swords and Frank Oz-voiced puppets – has become contaminated with the same toxin found everywhere else in our culture. Somewhere between Gamergate and stealing mail from Nancy Pelosi’s office, there are online armies aligned based on what you think of these movies.

To some bad faith keyboard warriors Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi was perceived to represent a trashing of heritage on the altar of woke politics. The Rise of Skywalker was, therefore, a “Make The Galaxy Great Again” reactionary gesture. I reject all of this. I think both of the movies are terrific and have far more commonalities than differences (even though only Johnson’s has the outstanding throne room fight.)

I’m not saying turn your brain off to politics when you are watching a movie, but maybe don’t seek out conspiracies where none exist. It is true that Rose Tico’s storyline was effectively dumped by Abrams, but Admiral Holdo, the other character that misogynistic online ding-dongs rage against, gets a proper shout-out for her “maneuvers” when Poe and Finn are figuring out how to help Rey in battle on Exegol.

A battle, by the way, which has space horses racing across the hull of a star destroyer, and an undead wizard in a laboratory (beneath a giant cube of stone for some reason) that’s as gorgeous and silly as anything from Hammer Films. Ian McDiarmid’s return as Emperor Sheev Palpatine (“the dead speak!”) maybe comes out of nowhere, but, again, let’s look once more at the origins of Star Wars. In 1977 the advertising boasted Hammer’s Peter Cushing as its main villain, and then, as the sequel got re-written, we learned that Darth Vader was actually Luke Skywalker’s father. How is that any more ridiculous of a story turn than the return of Palpatine?

But there’s no need for me to be so defensive about The Rise of Skywalker. Let’s look at the highlights. C-3PO, the galaxy’s most annoying robot, is a non-stop comedy punching bag (“the one time we need you to talk and you can’t!!!”) whose second canonical memory wipe is a source of glee. Keri Russell’s helmeted Zorii Bliss is a welcome whiz-bang space ranger from the Buck Rogers mold, and Naomi Ackie’s Jannah on that aforementioned horse (an orbak, if you must know) cuts a striking image.

I found the yes-they-kiss, but-also-he-dies conclusion of the Rey-Kylo relationship to be appropriately satisfying, though I do agree I would have liked to have seen Finn hook up with Rose. Oh, who am I kidding, I really wanted to see him hook up with Poe, but Hollywood thinks audiences are ready to accept superluminal travel, but not a same-sex romance.

I get that some fans were keen on Rey not being of noble birth, but learning she is actually in the Palpatine line is quite fitting with the entirety of this series and the absurd coincidences it has featured from the start. Leia sends R2-D2 down to Tattooine to find Obi-Wan but he just so happens to get picked up by Jawas and sold to the man that’s been hiding Anakin’s son all this time? Please!

As such, Rey’s final line, declaring herself Rey Skywalker with Force Ghost Luke and Leia looking on with approval (the dead watch!), is considered a howler to critics. I think it’s perfect.
 
In addition to everything else said... if the best you can say is “it’s not bad”, then why defend it?

There’s plenty of mediocre movies that no one goes out of their way to defend - Die Hard 4, 2Fast 2Furious, V for Vendetta, etc.
The only reason people defend this movie is because of what they percieve as the reason people dismiss it.
 
Few need reminders that young George Lucas was influenced by approved-by-elite sources like Akira Kurosawa and Joseph Campbell.
Lucas hadn't read Campbell when he wrote Star Wars and Kurtz said the Kurosawa similarities were a coincidence.

The Rise of Skywalker leans into this, and is fast-paced and funny, and blessedly devoid of talk about trade federations like the unbearable prequels.
The prequels hardly talked about the Trade Federation at all. They were goofy bad guys in one movie with no real menace or motivation. Maybe if the characters actually had spent time talking about them, building up the threat or giving them some characterization, we would've cared more about them.

This whole thing reads like an RLM Nerd Crew sketch. Why is it being published now? What are they trying to hype?
 
It's not bad, it's something much worse than bad.
It's mediocre and forgettable, made just competently enough to not be entertainingly bad but just shitty enough not to be good.
It's like a movie made by an AI, a series of images and sounds created to waste your time, a soulless product made to generate a profit and be forgotten and replaced by another soulless product.
There is nothing to it and most people who have seen it wouldn't be able to tell you what happened in it.

TLJ at least has a personality and it will be remembered, even if just for the memes it spawned.
 
One of the biggest problems was the complete lack of stakes or threatening villains. Rey is never allowed to fail, nobody (except legacy characters) are allowed to die or be injured, no consequences exist for anyone of note, and so on. Little wonder, since the villains are barely fit for a Saturday morning cartoon, you have Emo Ren, General Clownboi, and Emperor Zombie - every one of them a joke that has had their asses kicked time and time again.

You're never at the edge of the seat feeling scared for the protagonist, or wondering how whatever dark scenario can be escaped because by the third movie all the implausiblely bad writing is impossible to ignore.
 
the movie is trash for many reason, but I'll go over a handful of them.

1.
The movie jumps all over the place and is rushed, the issue is that this needs to be two films in one but isn't given the time to be two films. The film goes from Exogol with Kylo and Palpatine, to an unnamed planet I think with Poe and Chewie, to Ajan-Kloss with Rey and Leia, to Ahch-To with Rey, to the first order meeting, to Pasaana, to Kijimi, to a first order ship, to NOT!Endor, to Ajan-Kloss, to Ahch-to, to NOT!Endot again, to Ajan-Kloss once more, to Exogol, to Ajan-Kloss once more, and finally Tatooine.

Did you get all of that? That was 16 different locations, with 9 of them being unique.

Compare that to Empire Strikes Back
Imperial Fleet, to Hoth, to Imperial Fleet, to Hoth, to a split up of the Asteroid field and Dagobah, to Bespin, to an unnamed star system.

there's a few cuts of course that I leave out, but I leave them out because the asteroid field and Dagobah are things happening at the same time, compared to RoS's progression of "now we're here". You end up with 6 different locations and Empire feels like a busy film.
TL;DR JJ tried to rewrite Johnson's film and incorporate it into TROS and made a mess.
2.
The battles make no fucking tactical sense and are busy, cluttered messes. The final battle was just dumb, the star destroyers can't go into space because of reasons and use their planet killing lasers because uh, reasons, which allows the an-prim we wuz tribe to engage a calvary charge on top of a fucking space cruiser. The amount of fighters that the Imperial forces should have been able to launch right away as to absolutely shred the first wave of rebels attempting to fucking board a star destroyer is not just present. They should have been strafed thousands of times per second practically. This is just one of many mistakes made throughout a film that really needed a military officer to say "no that's retarded" to the writers.
TL;DR JJ can't write a story that makes sense. Ever.
3.
The dialogue is insultingly bad, with terrible actors. Daisy can not act, she can either put on a resting bitch face, or a fish mouth look of intensity. Hayden Christian can have Anakin be overfilled with joy upon hearing his wife is pregnant, distraught upon seeing visions of her dying, pleading with Windu to not kill Palpatine, drunk on power with the Dark Side of the force, and absolutely furious upon feeling betrayed. There is also far too many "disney quips" that take any seriousness out of the film. "They fly now?" "They fly now." "They fly now!?" is just one example. Compare that to Obi-wan telling Anakin "This time We'll do it together" and Anakin responding with "I was about to say that." both serve the exact same purpose, of the characters informing another, but one is more "haha whacky don't take this seriously." While the other, while somewhat funny, doesn't betray the sense of seriousness that the scene has.

I could go on, but the film is terrible, it has little to redeem itself, it fundamentally fails to be entertaining as it just feels like a slog to get through rather than a joy to slowly burn through as an two and a half hour film. Dances with Wolves is a great example of an epic that's only half an hour longer, but it felt shorter and was a joy to watch as you never felt like the film jumped all around and you felt genuine character growth through the film. You never get that in RoS, the only character that changes is Kylo, but his change was already happening in episode 7 and 8, and this has a far larger cast than Dances with Wolves. Sure Hux ends up being the rebel spy, but he doesn't do it because he's grown sick of the war or anything, he does it because he's still the same petty General with no respectable qualities, and is doing it out of spite.

trash film, none of the people who worked on the film deserve another job in the film industry, everything was lazy and awful.
See above.
 
TL;DR JJ tried to rewrite Johnson's film and incorporate it into TROS and made a mess.

TL;DR JJ can't write a story that makes sense. Ever.

See above.
the failure rest on many more shoulders than just JJ's, don't let the other hacks shift all of the blame to him, as deserving of it as he is.
 
I think the only reason this clown journo made this article was because a virtual chat video featuring George Lucas from back in October started trending 2 days ago over social media in where he admits that "he's lost control of Star Wars" and calls it "Disney Star Wars" and finishes it off by saying that the Disney films are not his and do not represent his real vision.

So it seems people are just damage controlling now.
 
the failure rest on many more shoulders than just JJ's, don't let the other hacks shift all of the blame to him, as deserving of it as he is.
It does and I don't.
In construction there's a concept called "lack of supervision", it doesn't matter how good you think, or your guys are, you still have to be all up in their shit.
OTOH, JJ obviously thought that the entire trilogy was his to supervise, and when Abrahams didn't stick to JJ's outline/plan for the story arc JJ lost his shit. Total inability to deal with reality, he just pretended the second film didn't really exist and tried to do 2 and 3 in one shot.
The entire trashfire was on Kennedy and Disney for not having a trilogy outline nailed down before they chose directors.
With all that in mind, JJ still shit the bed trying to force his plan through rather than dealing with reality, and writing something passable that carried on from Abrahams. Not that I think JJ is a capable enough writer to do something like that.
 
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I think the only reason this clown journo made this article was because a virtual chat video featuring George Lucas from back in October started trending 2 days ago over social media in where he admits that "he's lost control of Star Wars" and calls it "Disney Star Wars" and finishes it off by saying that the Disney films are not his and do not represent his real vision.

So it seems people are just damage controlling now.

Makes sense. Lucas's "real vision" wouldn't have been much better, but with his overriding desire to sell toys he wouldn't have debased and degraded the classic characters.
 
The prequels hardly talked about the Trade Federation at all. They were goofy bad guys in one movie with no real menace or motivation. Maybe if the characters actually had spent time talking about them, building up the threat or giving them some characterization, we would've cared more about them.
I unironically gained an appreciation for the prequels because of the Disney sequels.

To be fair, though, I didn't quite have a throbbing hatred of the prequels prior to the Disney sequels, so there's that.
 
Makes sense. Lucas's "real vision" wouldn't have been much better, but with his overriding desire to sell toys he wouldn't have debased and degraded the classic characters.
Yeah I've read some of his original outlines for his original sequels, and while not perfect, far from it, they at least honor the classic characters and the lore by staying true to the setting for the most part, not discarding all of its history, having a functioning New Republic and Jedi Order, not being a complete unoriginal rehash of past films and having Luke sacrifice himself for the greater good in the final movie while protecting his family instead of just dying on a cliff while having a fake imaginary fight with Adam Driver. The only thing I considered to be genuinely bad was the idea to have Maul act as a villain in the new trilogy by having him be a crime lord as that really would've been pushing it for a character whose role was already said and done (however this may have been reconsidered later based on ideas for a villain called Uber who would basically be some secular mastermind who wanted to wipe out Force users/Force using organizations), however the idea of having the main villains be the criminal underworld and a secular anti-Force/anti-Jedi ideology was certainly more creative than Empire 2.0 by Apple Products. Just axe Maul and you got something there.
 
I think the only reason this clown journo made this article was because a virtual chat video featuring George Lucas from back in October started trending 2 days ago over social media in where he admits that "he's lost control of Star Wars" and calls it "Disney Star Wars" and finishes it off by saying that the Disney films are not his and do not represent his real vision.

So it seems people are just damage controlling now.
Thanks, I was wondering why in 2021 the Guardian would be greenlighting an article begging people to like Rise of Skywalker now that we've had 3 normal months and then 12 months of quarantine to stew on precisely how fucking bad it really is. If George has explicitly distanced himself and does not like it, this writer and those like him are seething that these shitty films will never have a legacy with the fans.

It's ironic, considering that fans are willing to be the butt of countless jokes about how bad they are as people:
but they're still willing to buy and consume if you make a decent movie and toys that aren't shit. And Disney STILL fucked this up. The fans don't like what happened. The original creator doesn't like what happened. And now Disney is reaping what was sowed. This is why a TV series lovingly produced on a comparative shoestring budget by a real fan is outperforming 3 blockbuster-intended movies in both views, critical reviews & merchandise. Rey has been outdone by an alien hand puppet & CGI in all measurable metrics. Eat shit, soycucks.
 
One of the biggest problems was the complete lack of stakes or threatening villains. Rey is never allowed to fail, nobody (except legacy characters) are allowed to die or be injured, no consequences exist for anyone of note, and so on. Little wonder, since the villains are barely fit for a Saturday morning cartoon, you have Emo Ren, General Clownboi, and Emperor Zombie - every one of them a joke that has had their asses kicked time and time again.

You're never at the edge of the seat feeling scared for the protagonist, or wondering how whatever dark scenario can be escaped because by the third movie all the implausiblely bad writing is impossible to ignore.
This film managed to retcon not only the prequels, the originals, The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi. It retconned its own fucking movie. That's how bad it is.

It also keeps adding unnecessary characters like Zorah Bliss to the story when there are characters (Rose, Hux, etc.) that they theoretically could develop. Like they could try to develop the relationship between Rose and Finn instead of yeeting Rose, Hux and other appearance out of the trilogy.
 
I like the sequel trilogy but even I think TROS is weak.
 
Star Wars has sucked for decades, and while I enjoy them even the originals are overrated for the amount of worship they receive. I remember when the prequels "killed" Star Wars. But we have zoomers who are like "The Prequels were classics! Great movies! THE SEQUELS are what killed Star Wars." In 20 years there'll be new shit that "kills" Star Wars and that generation is gonna be like "It ruined the lore established in the great classic Rise of Skywalker!"
 
"The Force Awakens in 2015, Star Wars – a simple, enjoyable kids movie with laser-swords and Frank Oz-voiced puppets – has become contaminated with the same toxin found everywhere else in our culture. Somewhere between Gamergate and stealing mail from Nancy Pelosi’s office, there are online armies aligned based on what you think of these movies."

Troons, soy golems, consooomers and danger haired land whales.......absolutely polluted with them.
 
In 20 years there'll be new shit that "kills" Star Wars and that generation is gonna be like "It ruined the lore established in the great classic Rise of Skywalker!"
I disagree (but still love you *nohomo*) with the notion that in 20 years faggots will be saying Rise of Soywalker will be a great film. When the prequels came out, they did well at the box office and had their fair share of fans, but the difference was that both fans and the media/journos were shitting on them furiously and calling George a racist, unlike Disney where the media/journos and everyone are desperately trying to defend the sequel garbage now, with hate or criticism being considered taboo due to Disney-Lucasfilm pushing the whole "anyone who didn't like our trash is a bigot, racist and a sexist" narrative, resulting in people being hesitant to openly criticize it outside of certain niche websites or youtube accounts. What we're witnessing now is the exact opposite of what happened with the prequels which, unlike now, people encouraged criticism for those films upon their release, while under Disney criticism for their sequels is discouraged and labeled "problematic". In 10 or 20 years hate for it may actually be more open or (more likely) they become as forgotten as the Terminator sequels from the 2000s (assuming Disney stops advertising their crappy films in their Disney+ ads).
 
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