It's interesting to read your path of awakening rooted in learning of USSR and french revolution history. I never did manage to get a good hold on what went down with the latter. Any sources you can recommend to learn more about french revolution?
Oh, god we converted our library into my son's room around a year and a half ago. I packed most of it away. I can look, but the only book I can remember off hand is the book I'm rereading called "Europe: A History".

But that is a lengthy book because it tries to explain Europe in its entirety. At least until 1991 with the fall of the USSR. That book has little original about it, but it is one book which goes over the origin of Athenian democracy all the way to explaining the difference between the supreme soviet's church-like seating plan vs the half-circle theater-seating plan of liberal democracies. With tables and charts, its pretty much an argument of what Europe really is to humanity and our history.
As to the french revolution, it only gives a civilization's reasoning in the appearance of power-driven machines, a growing awareness of 'the masses' who were largely excluded from polite society yet might take their fate into their own hands, and a rising concern both in literature and in philosophy with the irrational in human conduct. But it then follows a few contemporaries, and gives a short overview of their lives, and ends with the point of view of the king as the events unfolded. Again nothing new, but to have all of that in one volume is a nice reference. It was where I first learned about the Left and the Right being "Progress" and "Regress" ideally. Then the line: "The revolution started to devour its own children" and the idea that wild change always kills the very idealists that unleashed it. Which switches the tale over to Poland and back to 1791.
Still though, a good single book for the history of Europe, its strange ideas, and the patterns that follow again and again when they're tried. I hope the green revolution, Covidians, and their queer identities are devoured by their works. That Woke turned on Israel during the last rocket attack made me laugh louder than it should have in front of company.
Its not so much that my awakening happened because I learned about this or that one thing, so much as I always believed that "the best form of government is a benevolent dictatorship, and the worst form is what follows". Which is pretty basic but I remember debating it in Junior High with my friends.
Then 9/11 happened while I was in high school, and I fell for the Bush-era romanticism/nationalism while still watching the Daily Show with Jon Stewart and liking liberalism. In university I was challenged on that, defended each, and had it pointed out that I enjoyed romantic notions of statecraft due to emotional reasoning and liberalism's ideals due to virtuous reasons. Then I kind of tried to reconcile my beliefs which broke me from the mob and NPC thinking, once I was free of that I studied Marcus Aurelius and his book
Meditations which corrected a lot of my views on masculinity broken from having a terrible father who I don't think taught me one thing about being a Man.
After that, I self-taught myself history, philosophy, and whatever the fuck Oswald Spengler spoke about and I was free of ever hoping to fit in with the masses. I once read Polybius' Anacyclosis, and looking for a modern review stumbled on
John Adams, the founding father, giving his two cents on the man, which I cannot find in its entirety but perhaps he spoke about him multiple times:
“Polybius thinks it manifest, both from reason and experience, that the best form of government is not simple, but compounded, because of the tendency of each of the simple forms to degenerate; even democracy, in which it is an established custom to worship the gods, honour their parents, respect the elders, and obey the laws, has a strong tendency to change into a government where the multitude have a power of doing whatever they desire, and where insolence and contempt of parents, elders, gods, and laws, soon succeed.”
I remember Adams making another argument that the presidency needed to be powerful enough to balance rule of the one, the few, and the many and Adams being scared the president wasn't powerful enough and so despaired that it would be an over-correction later that would unbalance the constitution and unravel it. Which was a wild thing to read and then today see happening sort of. Apparently that was why he wanted stupid titles for the President and nobody took him up on it. August titles commanding a respect which couldn't save the republic from the flaw but might prolong it.
From there, it was merely the downfall of Western Civilization which led me from Atheism and Atheism-Plus as I was regretting my atheism, Video Games and Gamergate as I was regretting my gaming, and Politics and Donald Trump as well I finally just slid into French Sorelianism and extremist beliefs. Democracy is just a poor substitute for Free Speech and Gun Rights. We have no democracy on kiwifarms, and yet things can and are said sincerely here and nowhere else except maybe /pol/ or a very off-the-beaten-path on Reddit.
I wish Dan Carlin spoke about the french revolution but I suspect that is too old a topic for him. Sir John Glubb is another man, his
Fate of Empires really shook me but I was already seeing society through the lens of history so maybe it was more a legitimization rather than revelation.
I think there are many paths that lead to truth. I had the same instinct about reading Yung and how interpreted his own dreams. I never really believed that dreams have intrinsic meaning. But you fire off random ideas and have someone with good intelligence analyse them and their conclusions will be thoughtful. This is why I act as if dreams have a lot of meaning; because I believe the meaning I and others ascribe to them root them deeper than a random thought, and the interpretation gives room to give direction to that thought.
The conscious mind allows itself to be trained like a parrot, but the unconscious does not — which is why St. Augustine thanked God for not making him responsible for his dreams.
-Psychology and Alchemy (1952)
Yes, I believe there is something like when a doctor stimulates a part of the brain and you get a strange sensation you are floating, hearing music, or smelling toast. It contains only visuals and sounds, but every moment feels deeply meaningful. You can dream of being in a TV show, but most people never of watching the TV. Although, strangely I do but that is never the focus of the moment in the dream but always a distraction I want to stop noticing. I think it is the brain learning what was important between your last sleep, but its not in the right order and your brain smooths out the difference so trying to find a food court at the mall involving your old school and your first childhood neighborhood makes sense. There is always a reason, but it rarely has to do with the details. I don't know too much about it, but my personal interpretation is enough for me to be ok with the act of dreaming. I probably should analyze repeat dreams, which apparently isn't common for people but really common for me.
The one time someone did on the kiwifarms (as a joke), he got a visit from the feds and the master autist voiced his displeasure, while also handing over his location data (something the signup process advised you to protect).
I don't blame Josh for that, I personally see it as a forced move. Its not a matter of choice today, if he wanted to keep the site then he had to do it. Although didn't he remove a canary statement a few months back? It was right as I joined so I never looked into it.
I don't think you need to read it.
But you did, you called me an unbearable tard (which may have been accurate, we were discussing Curtis Yarvin) and you did:
Stop trying to find a one-stop solution to all this, because if it were that easy, we'd have fixed all this permanently ages ago.
Oh and read silver's book "lifting the veil" and get realistic about the state we're in.
You're an effort poster, you might even have the discipline to do so.
I'm glad to have grown up slightly in your view! All the unbearable, without quite all the tard.